


Blame

by infinitewritings



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Dan did some sleeping around, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Original Character, Sad Dan Smith, True Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Tension, Use of music lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitewritings/pseuds/infinitewritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People say that you always have that one love where you feel so strong about. The one love you give the biggest part of your heart to. But the love you never really have the joy of experiencing life with. But what if you get another chance? What if Dan and May meet again under different circumstances? Would the love still be alive? Would it still continue?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First story posting here. I had a lot of help, and there are going to be lots of mistakes because I have the thing where I say the sentence perfectly in my head but screw up when I type it out. I had lots of help from this amazing tumblr gem. The inspiration came from the Bastille lyrics that we usually have on repeat.  
> The entirety is written for our pleasure and honestly it is my first work that I have put so much effort into and actually finishing it.  
> I'm honestly very nervous posting this up because I don't know if it seem very powerful and consistent. I think, we both would love any kudos or comments.  
> Please do take your time to tell us what you think.

_They were entering the airport. May had her suitcase gripped tightly in one hand and the other held onto his. She had her fingers entwined with her boyfriend. She felt that if she let go, she could fall apart._

_"Dan, I can’t,“ May finally spoke as they stared at the flight times. Dan’s ears perked up and looked at her._  
_"Dan?”_  
_"I mean Daniel. I can’t. I’m nervous. Oh god my hands are sweaty.“_  
_"Probably cause you’re gripping my hand and your suitcase so tightly. Hon,” Dan took his hand from her grip and palmed her face, “listen to me. You’re gonna be great. This is a big step. Be nervous but also proud. You can do it.”_  
_"But I don’t want to leave you before your tour. This is such an important moment! I wanna be there.“_  
_"And you will be,” Dan patted his chest where his heart would be, “here, watching me the entire time.”_  
_"But Dan -“ a monotone announcement interrupted her. The voice was calling for her flight. Dan smiled at May and she took a deep breath and gripped her bag and his hand again. He walked with her towards the security check up line and slowly, and so ever slowly they untangled their hands from each other and May took her spot in line. The line moved forwards and Dan started to look small. May gripped her passport and bit her lip. She was closing up to the front of the line and the security guard was about to motion her to come closer but she stuffed her passport in her purse and gripped her suitcase tightly and she turned the other way. She ran against a line of people and towels her boyfriend._ _She ran towards Dan. He finally started becoming visible._

_"Daniel!!” May screamed and and almost jumped into his waiting open arms._

     Then she opened her eyes. May blinked her and finally came back to reality. The reality she wished was a dream. Her alarm clock screamed beside her and she slammed it quiet and covered her eyes. It was the dream again. That stupid dream. The dream that constantly came back with the same beginning but with different endings. But each ending was happy and in his arms. In her former boyfriends arms. May laid in bed, still thinking about the dream. Her eyes were staring up at the roof and her mind was replaying the dream over and over again. If only she had done that when she left 4 years ago to follow her stupid career dream. May groaned and picked herself up from her bed. She was tired of constantly still thinking about him in the morning. As if he was going to wake up beside her.

  
     "Alright May, new day, no more thinking about Daniel,“ May said to herself like she did every morning as she walked over to her bathroom.  
     It’s been four years. In those years people go through handfull of relationships. And May, she’s been at the most five relationships. Five meaningless, emotionless relationships. Some of them meant something to her but at the same time she can’t even remember their names. She knew she needed closure. And she was never going to get it. Cause Dan wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t near her so she could demand closure. Her Dan was somewhere in the world, probably still working on his music. But he wasn’t her Dan anymore. He had most definitely moved on. Like she was trying to. And she constantly kept trying to wipe him away her heart and her thoughts.

  
     May grabbed a towel and wiped her face. Once she felt it was dry, she dropped the towel on the sink counter and looked in the mirror.  
_"Ugh the stupid pimple had to come now! My grad photos are today!” May stares into the mirror with a pout._  
_"What pimple? Hmm?“ Dan came over and examined her face, "I see nothing.”_  
_"It’s right here!“ May pointed at her chin and he laughed._  
_"They’ll edit it out. It’s not that big anyways trust me.” May stared back at the mirror with a pout and Dan rested his chin on her shoulder, “plus you look cute!” An almost disgusted gasp left her mouth and she turned towards him._  
_"WHA-!“ Dan leaned in and pecked her. Her eyes wide and slowly softened. She loved it when he kissed her like that._  
_"Oh what were talking about? Ah right about how much you loved me. I know,” Dan smiled and she playfully smacked him._

_  
_      The phone’s ring echoed around the apartment and May finally came back from her thoughts. She rushed over to pick up the phone and all she heard was an automated voice telling her how she won a trip on a cruise.

  
     "Ugh what a waste of time,“ she threw her phone at the sofa and turned on the radio and started with her morning routine. May stuffed her bread in the toaster and started to get her egg ready. The radio’s noise started to fill up the entire room and to her it felt like there was life around the loneliness that’s always there. She kept her clothes on there sofa and started to get ready. There was no need to get dressed behind a closed door. There was no one else here in the house. As of right now, the house had her, the toaster and the radio noise. The bread popped up and May put her hair in a bun and stuffed her egg inside the bread. And finally she sat on the island chair and took a bite of the sandwich while she opened up her ears to actually listen to the words from the radio. The radio screamed at her as the  person on the other end kept talking and finally presented her with a song. It was a new song. But then again she doesn’t really stay up to date with radio music. But it was nice. It was something her ears were craving. There was a sense of familiarity with the music. And she couldn’t put a finger on why it seemed that way. 

     Before she could let her mind wander, she finished the piece of her breakfast and gulped the last of her juice and grabbed her purse. It was a working day and so she shut off the radio and grabbed her car eyes and out to the car she walked. The day felt weird. Like she was missing something. Or like something was going to happen. But she shook off any of the feeling and sat in her car and made her way towards the office. There was a message on her phone about a big project coming and she couldn’t miss the meeting again. 

 __________

     May sat in her stopped car glaring at the car in front of her. Traffic. Rush hour. As usual. She should be used to this by now and probably always have mental note to leave the house early. But no. It’s like it’s a habit now that she has to stay stuck in traffic. And on came the radio. The car was starting to sound lonely and it was starting to close in on her. She hated having the feeling of alone. The word alone sounded sad to her and she knew that’s what she was. Sad and alone. But she couldn’t let that stop her.

     So she found her own to make up from the quiet. The radio. It filled the up the void, the quiet. And plus it kept her up to date. When she listened that is. And today she listened. It was the same radio-talker and he was going on about a band. A band that’s touring again in the United States. But this time they are finally coming here. To her town. And when the voice on the radio said the name her attention locked away the sound and concentrated on the road. It was finally moving. But then another light. But it was too late, she didn’t know who this voice was talking about. And now the voice had changed to music.

     The music from her house. It had the same similar ring to it. And it had the same familiarity to it. So this time, May listened. Her ears were perked towards the radio trying to get the sense of the music. And then there were words. There was a voice who started singing and it was like a shiver ran down her spine. She knew that voice so well. May was with that voice. She was with the person who could produce such a sweet burly voice. That voice had sung to her on numerous times and talked to her and loved her.

     May stared at the radio as the lights turned green and the cars behind her started honking. Again she snapped into reality and sped across the road just listening to the music fill the car with familiar sound and love and feeling. She felt like her breath had heightened and everything around her was crumbling. She ached to hear the voice and it was singing to her from her car radio. And the song finished and the radio-talker came back. As that voice started talking, May parked in her spot and stared at the radio. And the voice kept talking. She needed to hear the song again. She needed to hear that voice that was singing. She needed to hear who singing and who’s song it was but the radio-talked just kept spewing useless information. 

     “Say the name of the singer!!” May yelled at the radio.

     “Remember to catch the band, _Bastille_ , on Saturday, three days from today at the Music Festival,” the voice announced. The name Bastille kept echoed in May’s head.

     “And then on August 22 for their concert!” And another song came on.  _Bastille._  The name. She knew that band. She knew the singer. She knew. 

 __________

     “Ah there she is! May! Finally, it didn’t take you long to get here.” Vince smiled as he put an arm around her shoulders. Her manager. Known for his sarcastic remarks and glares.

     “Hm? Yeah, sorry there was traffic.” Vince stared at her and looked away,

     “Anyway. There is a meeting and I’m waiting.” He took her over to the room and quietly took her seat. She doesn’t even remember getting out of her car, how is even going to be able to comprehend what’s going on in here? But she stayed and tried to listen.

     “So Music Festival is approaching fast. And we need an interviewer. We need to get as many interviews with as many bands as possible.” He stared at her. At May.

     “Hmm, oh. Yeah I’ll do it.”

     “Thank you for considering,” Vince snapped, “of course you’ll do it. The band’s available times are on your desk, go research the bands and memorize their names and times and get me good interviews.” She nodded. And Vince ended the meeting. May got up from her seat.

     “May is everything okay?”

     “Yes everything is fine.”     

     “You know that I don’t really sympathize with my workers but you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

     “No, Vince. I just got a surprise this morning.”

     “Doesn’t seem like a good surprise.”

     “No. It wasn’t. I’ll get to work.” May flashed a smile and walked over to her desk. 

 __________

     Dan stared at his writing. There were scribbles everywhere and it was almost ineligible. But he knew what he wrote. And it was one of the days where everything coming from his mind was about her. Little things reminded him of her. But this couldn’t become a song. It wouldn’t make sense. The lines on the pages belonged in a letter not in music. He sighed and crumbled it and threw it towards a growing a pile of papers. 

     “Another one?” Kyle said as he entered bus.

     “Yeah. My head’s going crazy!”

     “That’s what happens when you get better from a hangover. Just give it a rest.” Dan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. 

     “Yeah I probably should.” Dan stretched his arms, “ready for the festival?”

     “I never am mate.”

     “Yeah, that’s a usual for us.” He smiled at Kyle and looked towards the pile.

     “It’s been four years, she’s probably moved on.”

     “I know I know, it’s just I feel like she hasn’t.”

     “Like you haven’t.” Dan sighed and grabbed his grey hoodie. Rather than putting it on he stared at the wolf on the back.

     “There are just some things you never really move on from.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming this far! Please let me know how I did and stick around for more!


	2. Chapter 2

     Bastille. Bastille. Bastille. That name was everywhere. There was news about their concerts, their gigs, all the different performances and their record breaking songs. And Melanie hadn’t heard a thing about them. The moment she had typed up Bastille, so much information popped up. Everything about ever single member, their ages, their instruments, their favourite celebrities. Everything that a person needs to know about a band it was there. 

     And then she typed up Dan Smith. And the results were overwhelming. It was unbelievable; her mind was blowing up inside and it was demanding answers.  _Why hadn’t you even thought about searching him up? Why did you just think that he didn’t make it as an artist? Did you not believe in him? Why didn’t you search up Bastille? It was right in your face, you idiot!_  

     Melanie shook her head and walked away from her computer. She needed a break; a breather. To be away from all of this and try to get back to her normal routine. She walked into the kitchen and warmed herself a cup of coffee.

__________

     “How far are we?” Dan asked as he walked over the front of the bus. 

     “Almost there don’t worry; you’re still awake!” the driver smiled at him. 

     “Yeah, I had a long night can’t fall asleep yet.”

     “Who was it this time?”

     “You know she told me a name but I can’t remember for the life of me. Something with C I think. Like…Chelsea…or -”

     “Close. It was a Chloe this time. You introduced her to me. She seemed like a nice girl.”

     “Nice girl I’m not so sure about. Everything else she was definitely good at!” The driver made a face at him but laughed with him. 

     “You terrible kid!”

     “I know. I’ll apologize to her,” Dan cleared his throat, “you were great in bed but I’m sorry about being not what you needed. Good?”

     “I would smack you if I wasn’t driving.” Dan smiled and it quickly turned into a sigh. He knew he was being the world’s worst person. And he was being disrespectful. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t settle for a relationship; none of the girls had what he needed. 

     “Can I ask you something?" 

     "What’s up?" 

     "You’ve been with tons of girls why haven’t you gone further than an one night stand?”

     “I can’t handle relationships right now. I need someone else. They’re just my impulses and I know I sound like the worst human saying that but it’s how it is. They’re lovely and great but just not her.”

     “Who her?”

     “M.”

__________

     “Ready to go, M?” Annie approached May’s desk as she was putting all her papers in her bag.

     “Go? Where?” May said as she stood up.

     “Don’t tell you forgot! Today is our group blind date, remember.” May’s face lit up in memory. But her hand gripped her bag. She couldn’t go today, everything would just remind her of Dan. Dates are just never her thing, she couldn’t seem to flirt or talk properly to someone.

     “Ah…right it was today. But I have to cancel, there’s just -" 

     "No no! No cancelling today you’re coming and you’re gonna flirt with a cute boy.”

     “But Anne!” Annie shook her hand in front of May’s face and grabbed her hand took her towards the exit.

     “Today we’re going, no excuses. Alright?” Annie smiled at her and May nodded.

     “Fine, lets go. I’ll follow your car.” And they were off. May just followed the back lights of Annie’s car as her ears stayed perked towards her radio again. She was just waiting for another song to pop up, more music to play; she was just waiting for Dan’s voice to fill the car so she can hear it again. She never really realized how much she missed his voice. There was a spell in his voice, the way the sound of his voice always calmed her down or made her smile or made her feel every word he was saying. Her ears were aching to hear his voice sing to her from the radio. But before she could have any chance of hearing another song, Annie parked the car.

     The two girls walked in the darkly lit restaurant and May followed close behind. She wasn’t ready for this. It was just going like usual, she was going to sit with one of the boys and he was going to talk, ask her questions and she’s just going to try to be nice. The restaurant was small, a nice place for a gathering, a date even. May hadn’t been in places like this for a while. It seemed too intimate. Too personal and she wasn’t ready for such intimate closed in places. It was one of those restaurants that Dan and May would love coming to. 

      _“Oi mate! A table for two,” Dan smiled at the waiter. His hand was entwined with May’s fingers and his hair was falling from different sides. May’s eyes were wandering around, trying to get a sense of the surrounding._

_“Ah look, Dan finally came with a girl.” the waiter and the chef behind the counter looked at May approvingly._

_“You know them?” May smiled._

_“Yeah, this is Matt. And the man behind the counter is Tony, the owner."_

_"Dan finally, a date. I’ll bring my best dish.” Tony smiled at them and went into his kitchen._

_“How many times have you been here Daniel? May asked as he took her over to his favorite spot._

_"Too many count, to be honest. It’s inexpensive for an university student and a perfect place to write music."_

_"It’s nice here.” May kept looking around._

_“Yeah, well not many people know that I come here. So keep it a secret.”_

_“Oh so you’re making me a partner in crime?”_

_“You already were the moment you agreed to go out with me, you can’t back down now.”_

_“Yes sir!” Dan nodded at her._

_“That’s better.”_

“Oi! May, earth to May!” Annie shook May’s arm. May blinked and smiled at her friend.

     “Sorry.” May looked towards the group of friends sitting at the table in front of her. It was time to start the blind group date thing that Annie came up with. It was May, Annie, and two other girls with four boys that Annie knew. One being her boyfriend. She was trying to get her friends set up with a date. And May has been her biggest challenge. May had been attracted to a few boys but that relationship never went far. May never let it go too far. But tonight was different, Annie was bent on May getting a date. 

     So they all sat at the large table in front of the boys, facing each other. Annie had already lost herself in her boyfriend and the other two girls were giggling away at the small jokes the boys were making. And May sat there. Giving the boy small smiles and trying to listen in to what he was trying to say. She couldn’t help herself, she wasn’t interested. Her mind was still set on the papers in her bag. The papers that talked about Bastille, about Dan Smith, her Daniel. May wanted to read about him, she wanted to get familiarized with the man her Daniel had become. She wanted to live the four years that he had lived. But she was stuck here, eating the bland food and trying to make small talk to another guy.

     “Where did you get the tattoo from?” he said.  _Wait was it Thomas? Or Kevin?_

     “Tattoo?” May looked at him, still trying to figure out his name.

     “On your wrist. What is it?” Her eyes went to her wrist and her mind was about to playback another story. May cleared her throat.

     “Its a…wolf. I got it during my university years.”

     “A wolf?! Really?” He looked at her wrist again, “can I see it?” She sighed and gave him a quick smile and extended her wrist. She didn’t like people to see her tattoo. It was special to her, it held meaning but everyone required an explanation. May wasn’t ready to just constantly be giving the backstory of it, it didn’t matter to them so why did they need to know? But still May obliged and amused everyone about it. He squinted his eyes and stared at him. He looked it at with such great interest. Like he was trying to figure out where the ink started and where it finished. He turned his head slightly with his eyes still stuck on the tattoo. Why was he so interested in it. It’s not like he was going approve of it or try to copy it.

     “It’s so amateur,” he chuckled to himself as he took another bite of his food, “why don’t you get it removed?” May stared at him.  _Who does he think he is?_  May’s mind demanded. 

     “If I wanted to get it removed I would have already done that.”

     “Oh!” he took another bite, “I didn’t mean to be rude, I mean it doesn’t fit you. You can get better wolf tattoos than this…than this - “

     “Than this stick and poke tattoo?”

     “That’s the word, stick and poke. It’s so…childish if I must.” 

     “Look, if you must then don’t. I don’t need to hear it. I don’t need your opinion on my tattoo. I like it so I don’t want to get removed. If I wanted to get it removed or fixed you wouldn’t be seeing this right now.” May saw Annie shot her a glare. But May didn’t care, this guy was judging her tattoo. It was a special tattoo. It had meaning and he can’t just come along, talk with his mouth full and just throw his opinion everywhere. 

     “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

     “Oh of course, it’s okay.” May cleared her throat and wiped her mouth, “but I need to get going. I have…a cat to feed back home.”

     “You don’t have a cat!” Annie called from the other side of the table. May shot her a look but softened herself and flashed her ‘date’ a smile.

     “My neighbours cat. Sorry. Thanks for dinner!” May smiled more at him and grabbed her jacket and purse. She was definitely out of here. She doesn’t need to be surrounded by judging people. She slipped on her blazer and made her way towards the door while searching for her car keys in her bag. There were no where to be found in her bag. May stood at the door, shuffling through the bag, looking through pockets and finally rolled her eyes at herself. She dug her hand in her coat pocket and almost took out her keys. Not before someone bumped into her.

     “Tsk,” May looked towards the person who slammed into her shoulder but she just saw some quiffed up hair and a dark denim jacket with the sleeves folded up. And three other boys walking beside him.

     “Sorry!” a voice apologized at her and she shook her head and walked towards her car, unlocking it along her way. 

     Dan waited at the door of the restaurant for the other three boys to make their way away from the tour bus. They were busy on their phones like their lives depended on it. He smiled at them and leaned at the wall. He was happy for them, they were crazy for their girlfriends. They wanted to always be in touch with them, it was sweet. It was love and he had complete respect for that. But Dan just wished that he had the chance. To call her when they get off the bus and give her updates and ask for her updates and flirt with her and hear her shy giggles. Like he had promised her like he would.

      _Dan looked around the venue. It was huge and there were people everywhere. It was absolutely crazy and unbelievable. He couldn’t believe their luck. Everything was starting to look up. He had to tell her. He shuffled through his pants searching for his phone. It was in pocket right?_

_“Hey mate, have you seen my phone?” Dan called out to Will._

_“Wasn’t it in your bag?” Will said as he got of the equipment._

_“Have you seen my bag then?”_

_“Didn’t you place it at the stairs?” Dan’s face lit. Right! He had placed his bag on the stairs and rushed back to the bus to help with the equipment. How could he forget? Dan rushed over the stairs of the back entrance of the venue. His face fell when there was nothing there._ What? _Dan thought to him. He had kept it there. Right there. At the foot of the stairs. These had to be the stairs. Or they could be the front stairs leading up into the venue. Dan pulled up the sleeves of his hoodie and ran to the front on the venue. And again his face fell. Nothing. No bag no nothing. It wasn’t there._

_“What the shit?” Dan said to himself. His phone was in the bag. Her number was in the phone which was in the bag. And the bag was no where to be found. Where the hell was the stupid bag?! Dan ran his hands through is hair and stared everywhere. He couldn’t have lost his phone. Not already!_

“Dan what are you waiting for!” Kyle called out to him and Dan ran his hand through his quiff and smiled.    

     “Last time I checked, for you.” 

     “Oh shut up, lets go in. I’m starving!” Kyle walked in and Will and Woody followed him close behind. Dan shook his head and walked in with his hand in his quiff yet again and looked around the restaurant. And there she was. She almost made him stop in mid-step. It was her. It had to be her.  _NO! It can’t be her! Life isn’t this easy. No. No way. I need sleep. It could be her. Who else could it be?_ Dan’s thoughts screamed at him and his eyes were stuck on her as her hands kept roaming in and around her purse. He was staring at her as her hair fell from the sides and just softly touched her cheeks. He was so lost in her that he couldn’t watch where he was going and his shoulder bumped into her.  _Oh shit! What have I done! Abort mission!_ Dan’s eyes widened and put his hand on the back of his as he scurried away.  _Say sorry you idiot!_  His head kept yelling commands at him.

     “Sorry!” He called behind him and hurried along.  _It couldn’t have been her. Seriously. Or…damn it Dan._  

__________

     May rushed home with the radio shut off and her eyes threatening to cry. Today had proved itself to be too much. Before she had sat inside her car, she had stood there beside the driver door just staring at her reflection in the window. And that was when it had hit her. Why had she gotten so defensive about a tattoo? People had always showered her with questions about that tattoo. Some had demanded her to get it removed, her mother had given her numerous numbers that removed tattoos. But she had never blew her top before, she had always just nodded off the criticism and ignored it. But this time May just told of the boy. It wasn’t like her. And she knew why. Because all the feelings she had been trying to repress for all these four years finally came rushing back. In the entire day, slowly, hour by hour, old feelings kept resurfacing. The more she had looked into Bastille the more she remembered her Daniel. The more she missed him. The more her head demanded answers. And she just wanted to see him. She wanted to see how much he had grown. May wanted to hold his hand and she just couldn’t. So she sat in her car, gripping the steering wheel, trying to get home before any tears started falling. 

     Finally, she saw building and her parking spot. May parked her car and ran her way towards her door. Her eyes were starting to sting. The tears were going to fall anytime. She threw her keys on the table and rushed into her room and threw open her closet door and pulled out a small box. The lid came off and the pictures presented themselves. The few pictures that May had packed in the suitcase on the day she left for her job. She had stuff them in a box and buried them in her closet. But today, it was time to let them out. May bit her lip as she stared at the picture on top of the small pile of pictures. And the tear finally fell. And another tear fell and May broke down. She finally broke down and let out all the pain and loneliness she kept hidden in her heart. May missed Dan. And this is when she really needed him, someone but it was like the loneliness had finally taken over her. May finally cried her tears over Dan after four years.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so much for continuing to read this! I'm sure there were mistakes in the writing, I promise I am working on them! Don't be scared to leave your opinions, I would love to read them!


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

    It was a new day. May had woken up before the alarm and had promised herself that she won’t think about Dan or Bastille or anything related in between. Whatever had happened last night would stay last night. She kept her mind from wandering into any unnecessary flashbacks and concentrated at the task at hand. She stood in front of her closet, staring at her clothes trying to come up with something that screamed today’s look. Her mind was completely engulfed in the picking of an outfit that it kept any thoughts from traveling in. The house stayed quiet, the way she hated. Her mind demanded sound, music, words from anywhere around the house but she had knowingly kept everything quiet. Who knew when the next thing would speak about Bastille. 

     Finally, May picked out an outfit and took her absolutely sweet time putting it out. The box she had pulled out yesterday was tucked back where it belonged; away from her sight. Finishing her outfit, she started to work on her makeup, reading every label as she picked up each other. Her mind was occupied with what she was doing so it couldn’t wander. Everything was moving really slowly but she didn’t care; for her it was the perfect speed. She dabbed a little blush here and a little there and soon the entire get up was complete.

     But when she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she still saw the look from last night. The helplessness. The loneliness. May knew that no make up was going to take that look away from her face. As long as she looked presentable and confident she didn’t care about anything. The silence was starting to make her go crazy so as she entered the kitchen, rather than clicking on the radio she turned on the TV and went straight to the news. News, that’s what she needs, what’s happening around the world, all the breaking news. She needs it, Just give it to her and she’ll listen. 

     “And now time for some Entertainment news,” the reporter said as May took out a box of cereal and a bowl. She had started to pour in the cereal when the reporter continued, “talk of the street, Bastille is finally coming to town! The band that took everyone with surprise is finally touring around US again, starting from our very own town.” May started at the TV, almost glaring at it. She spent the entire morning, not thinking about him and there is she talking about how great it is that Bastille is coming to town.

     “You can catch them at the Music Festival on Saturday. Two days from now!” May let out a groan, put her cereal box on the counter, grabbed her jacket and purse and left for her car. She wasn’t going to stay and listen, she had told herself that today was going to be a day without any Dan. May scurried off to her car, mentally telling herself to stop for breakfast on the way.

     She kept her radio off the entire time as she waited in the drive thru for her order. The silence, again, was deafening. The radio was urging her to click on the power button. It was urging her to listen to it. Her entire thoughts were stuck on the radio and on the power of her to not click on the power button. 

     “Miss…your order!” May gasped and looked at her.

     “Sorry, thanks.” May fished in her wallet for the money and paid the cashier and she handed the coffee and the bagel. May held the coffee in her hands and stared at the advertising on the cup.

     “The pin is on your receipt. Enter it online for a -” May stared at her cup.

     “For a chance to win a ticket to Bastille’s concert.” both the cashier and May recited together. May flashed her a smile.

     “Thanks.” And with that May sped away from the window and rushed over to work. Everything had to do with Bastille today.  _Just freaking great. You’re in luck May._  Her mind commented at her. 

__________

     Dan sat outside the tour bus staring at his paper. He was trying to write a new song but the words still wouldn’t come out. Plus his mind was completely preoccupied. His thoughts were filled with the images from last night. He had seen her. He knew that he had seen her there was no other way that it could have been anyone else. Dan knew what he saw yesterday at the doors of the restaurant. His eyes had been yearning to see her so of course he knew that it couldn’t be anyone but her. He remembers the way she kept her hair up in that quick bun that always starts to come undone by the end of the way. He remembers the way her hair always touched her cheek softly and he knew the way her forehead would squint when she couldn’t find something. And Dan knew May. He knew he could recognize her anywhere. He could always believe in his instinct but yesterday it was different. Like he wanted to talk to her and approach her but every muscle in him had stopped him. And now Dan knew he had missed that one chance he had. He should have said something. Maybe he could have talked to her even if she had moved on. 

      _“Daniel, I’m trying to study!“ May said as Dan placed his chin on her shoulder._

_"I know. What’s your point?” He started at the papers in front of her.  
_

_“What are you planning Mr. Smith?”  
_

_“Hmm…just trying to give you a break from all this work.” May turned her head towards Dan and smiled at him.  
_

_“Oh you sweetheart, how thoughtful of you.” Dan smiled brightly and shut her textbook and turned her to face him. Her hair was starting to fall for the sides and her little bun was starting to look looser and looser since morning. She looked so tired yet so happy looking at him.  
_

_“How do you want me to spend this break then?” she kept looking at him and leaned down to her and pulled her chin up as her gaze fell down and a small blush started to appear on her cheeks. They’ve been through this countless times but every time Dan moved closer towards her and looked at her right in the eyes she cheeks would get so hot as if this was the first time they were getting intimate. Their faces were so close to each other that they could feel the other’s breath. Her eyes wouldn’t even threaten to look at Dan, she were nervous. Her hands were starting to tingle and Dan knew it. He knew that he made her feel like every kiss was her first. Dan leaned in closer and she closed her eyes, knowing what was going to happen. Dan came in close and softly kissed her cheek. And May’s eyes shot open. His eyes were shut and a laugh was escaping from his mouth like he had witness the greatest joke.  
_

_“Daniel!"  
_

_"What? Do you want me to kiss you? Hmm?” Dan raised an eyebrow at him and she lifted a textbook to hit him on the arm.  
_

_“You flirt! Go away!!"_

"Thinking about her?” Woody walked over to Dan and took a spot next to him.

     “Where did I go wrong, mate?” Dan sighed.

     “What do you mean?”

     “Everything was so perfect, we were happy. We were together for so long! Then how could have she just moved on like that?” Woody smiled and patted his shoulder.

     “Look, all you need is closure. Things happen, relationships fall apart no matter how strong they are. But you need to learn from it and - ”

     “How do I learn from this?! I don’t even know what I did wrong!" 

     "Mate, listen. It’s okay. You’ll find a way to move away from this. Just don’t put too much thought into this, okay. Concentrate into the festival, it’ll get your mind off from things.” Dan nodded and smiled.

     “Yeah you’re right." 

__________

     May took a long stretch at her computer. Her entire search was based on the festival singers and bands. She had felt the entire last day on Bastille so in good luck she wasn’t going to see any information pop up about them or any of the boys. She couldn’t believe her luck, it definitely was not being fair to her. She knew that she will have to interview the boys, that meant he was bound to see her. That May was bound to see him. And she was excited but again she wasn’t. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t lunge into his arms. He had moved on; of course he would have. It’s been four years. Who wouldn’t move on? Well…certainly not May. 

     May felt her roll her eyes at herself. She had promised to not even think about Dan and here she was planning on how she would be acting when she would interview him. Everything just always goes back to him, even if she was starting her thoughts away from him. It had taken her the longest time to forget about him, or not think about him during work. And she was happy that way. But now, questions on questions, scenarios on scenarios, thoughts and more thoughts were about him. May took in a deep breath, grabbed her water and almost drank from an empty bottle. She minimized everything on her computer and got up. Time for a break. May walked over to the kitchen and started to warm up the water in a kettle. She opened up a cupboard and reached for a tea bag. She stood by the kettle and the milk and waited until the water boiled. 

      _“Ugggh, my throat feels like shit.” Dan said as he laid down on the sofa and pulled the blanket closer and tighter around him._

_“I told you to not go out yesterday but, mister know it all had to run around in the rain.” May said as she kept an eye on the water._

_“How was I supposed to know that I was going to get sick!?”_

_“Daniel, you left home, without an umbrella and a sweater. You were outside with your friends when it started to rain. And when you forgot you keys to the apartment so you decided to wait outside. Why didn’t you call me!”_

_“We were talking about how I got sick, not about how you can get mad at me.” May shook her head and poured the water in the mug with some honey and let the tea bag steep. She carefully put the mug on the table beside him and sat close to him._

_“You could have called me.”_

_“You were at work and at the time everything seemed fine,” Dan pouted and sneezed into the kleenex, “give me my tea!!!”_

_“Be patient!”_

_“UGGHH!” Dan buried his head in May’s tummy and let her body heat transfer to him. As long she was near, he knew he’d be better in no time. May put her hand on his hair and gently stroked his hair._

     The kettle started to blow it’s whistle and May blinked back into reality. She cleared her throat and poured it into the mug and started to pour into the milk.    

     “Where do you always lost to?” a voice spoke behind her. 

     “Hey, Annie.” May replied as she mixed her tea.

     “Hey hon.” she smiled at she stood next to her, “how’s the cat?”

     “Cat?”

     “The one you had to feed last night.”

     “Ah- right. Yeah she’s fine.” The tea started to change colour.

     “Why did you leave like that M? Thomas seemed like a nice guy.”

     “Oh that’s what his name was.”

     “MAY!” May bit her lip to keep her from smiling.

     “Sorry, but Annie how did he even seem like a nice guy? He was making fun of me!”

     “It’s just a tattoo.” Annie stared at May and sighed, “well he certainly liked you.”

     “What?!” 

     “He asked for your number and - “

     “You didn’t!”

     “I gave it to him and he’s gonna call you soon. So take his call.” May opened her mouth to protest but Annie waved her hand at her, “give him a chance M. I know you’re not looking for relationships. But you always look so alone and I want the best for you. He seems like. Talk to him at least.” May sighed and nodded.

     “Fine. One chance. If he acts like a douche again then it’s good bye okay?” Annie smiled brightly and nodded. May smiled back and walked back to her table. She placed her tea beside the papers and put her phone beside it. If he was planning on call him then she might as well be ready. And soon as Annie said, her phone rang.

     “Hello,” May said as she balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear and penned through some papers.

     “Is this May?” the voice said.

     “Yes. And you must be Thomas right?” the voice on the other end chuckled. He did have a nice voice. It was sort of burly and strong. There was a certain ring to it. May would have been lying if she said she didn’t like it. 

     “You remembered my name.”    

     “Well, Annie, sort of brought it up.”

     “At least I came up.”

     “So…what’s up?”

     “I’m going to be blunt, “  _Oh no, not again._ May thought, “can we meet again?”

     “Again? I can’t tonight.”

     “Tomorrow night then, it’s weekend night.”

     “I have work on Saturday.”

     “May…I just want to talk. Get on your good side.” May sighed and looked down. Her eyes went straight to the coffee cup from this morning with the letter spelling out BASTILLE on it. 

     “Fine. Tomorrow, after work.”

     “Sounds great! I’ll see you tomorrow?” May agreed and finally they put down their phones. She promised Annie and she was bound to go through with it. She stared at the different information and the timing and took in a deep breath and continued working. Maybe it was finally time to move on.

__________

     The next day went by too quickly. May didn’t even entirely remember all the plans they had made about tomorrow. She remembers that she talked to Jim, the cameraman. She remembers that she’ll have to wake up early to arrive at the sight of the festival. But all the other little details just completely went above her head. This was all because she had a date today. Not really a date by a dinner. But still she was going to go talk to a boy and maybe they could get to know each other and she could finally move on from Dan. Maybe four years is enough for a boy. 

     Finally, it was time for her to leave. She almost half ran and half walked. There was a sense of excitement in her. May walked towards the main towards but her feet stopped while she stared at the glass door. She was actually going to go through with this. Was she ready with this? Ready to move on? May bit her lip and took in a deep breath and walked out towards her car. Thomas had given her an address to a bar and grill so she put her car in drive and drove out of the parking lot. And in a bit she was staring at the restaurant. People were walking in and out and again May stood and stared for a while. She couldn’t believe herself still. Is she still going through with this.  _No May, stop questioning yourself! Just go in and talk to him. Like him or hate him just go!_

     Again, taking in a deep breath, she walked in. Her eyes wandered around the entire restaurant. It was bigger than yesterday, it was lively. There were people crowding over the bar and couples were sitting with each other’s and enjoying the beginning of a weekend. Thomas looked up from his table and saw her walking in. He got up from her table and waited till her gaze landed on him. The moment May’s eyes landed on him, Thomas raised his hand and waved towards her. Hesitatingly, May walked over to him with a small smile on her face.

     “I thought you weren’t going to show.” Thomas smiled as he pulled out the chair for her. May sat down and smiled at him.

     “Maybe, but I made a promise. I couldn’t break that.” 

     “Oh thank god, I had you tied down by a promise then.”

     “You’re lucky, yes.” 

     “So are you hungry?”

     “I’m starving!” Thomas chuckled and the entire time her ears were perked up towards his voice. She liked the sound of his voice. Like she just wanted him to keep talking.They ordered two menu’s and while they looked through their choices Thomas spoke up.

     “So, tell me a bit about yourself May?”

     “What would you like to know?”

     “Well, everything. I wasn’t to know what makes you so interesting.” May smiled and looked back down at the menu, “okay how about that I ask you questions and you answer?”

     “You’re going to interview and interviewer?”

     “That’s the plan!”

     “Alright, come at me!” May kept looking at the menu. Thomas smiled at her.

     “Favorite colour?”

     “Red.”

     “Favorite food?”

     “First thing that comes in mind. Pizza.”

     “Favorite song?”

     “Pompeii.” May almost bit her tongue. 

     “Favorite thing about me?”

     “Your voice - “May gasped and looked up at him. Thomas had a smug look on him.

     “So you do like me!”

     “No way!!” 

     “No!! No more drinks for you Dan! We’ve got a gig tomorrow!” Will took the glass out of Dan’s hands and he pouted towards him.

     “But I’m fine! Tell him Kyle,” Kyle nodded and drank another glass.

     “Alright, you babies. We’re going back.” Dan held up a finger towards Will to argue but Will was having none of it.

     “No no but, I don’t drink my mind’s gonna…it’s gonna…think about her.” Will looked at Dan, “and I don’t want to. Not tonight.” Will moved towards Dan to pat his shoulder but Dan walked backwards.

     “Dan. It’s fine.”

     “No it’s not! It’s not! It was never okay! She needs to get out of my head so why won’t she get out!” Dan turned away from his friends, “and then that girl. That girl that…” Dan looked around the restaurant. His drunk eyes were wandering everywhere.

     “What girl Dan?” Dan’s eyes had locked on someone. Someone who was smiling and laughing at a boy. Someone who looked towards him. May was smiling at Thomas as he kept his proud smile on his face. The waiter approached him to get his order and May reached for her glass of water and started to sip it as she let her eyes wander around her surroundings. And that was when she saw him. Dan. Daniel. He was looking at her. His eyes were stuck on her. He looked like Dan. May’s hand was stuck on her glass. It was Dan. 

     “Which girl Dan?” Will said again and Dan pointed towards her.

     “That girl.” Dan drunkly walked towards May. May’s back straightened as she felt him approaching her. Even Thomas noticed. He motioned the waiter away as Dan came closer.

     “M…” Dan said as he stopped in front of her. There was no more drunk slur in his words. But May didn’t say anything. 

     “M…where did you go?” Dan had a hurt look in his eyes like he was begging for an answer. May stared back at him with sad eyes like she was trying to answer him through them. Dan looked so hurt. Like he was going to cry.

     “May? Do know him?” Thomas questioned and Dan turned his face towards him. Like Dan was trying to judge him through just one look. And he looked back at May. With a look that looked so angry, so unhappy.

     “Your boyfriend? You actually moved on?” Dan looked towards Thomas again and bag again. He ruffled his hair, “is this your boyfriend?” He almost lost his footing as he kept looking at May, waiting for an answer. And May jumped up and held him up by his shoulders.

     “Daniel…” Dan’s eyes shut the moment he heard that. Like he missed that sound. Will and other two boys came up towards them.

     “Sorry. Sorry about this. He’s a terrible drunk.” Will apologized and May just shook her head. She was quiet. In shock even. She had no idea what was happening. So she just held him up with his shoulders and let his weight transfer to Will and Woody who held him up. And in that moment, all four of them walked out. And just like that, the moment was over. She had just seen Dan. The rest of the night, those words kept repeating in her head. There was no more Thomas. No more of the dinner date. Just a sad and hurt drunk Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You got this far and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much!


	4. Chapter 4

      _“This place is huge!” May held onto Dan’s hand tighter. This was her first music festival. There were people running everywhere, everyone was excited. It was loud and full of life. She was getting nervous that she could get lost. Dan was instead lost with the entire feeling of the festival. He had finally gotten a chance to be at the festival on the opening night and he was buzzing with excitement. He knew that May was nervous and a little wry. She didn’t know many of the people performing there but to keep him company she tagged along. She wanted to see what intrigues him so much, what kind of music was in his interest. May also wanted to see how much of a fanboy he could entire into._

_“Don’t worry, I’ve got you! This is going to be awesome,” Dan smiled at her and entwined their fingers together. He was already enjoying himself so much._

_“You’re going to get drunk aren’t you?”_

_“Oh yeah!” Dan laughed and pulled May closer towards him and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Dan was already looking for the beer tents. He had this moderate love for alcohol, and to drink during festivals had its own fun. His eyes took in every inch of the surrounding. Looking at everyone, seeing everyone’s excitement and sharing the love._

_“Not planning on forgetting who your date is right?”_

_“Oh psh, I would never! Hopefully, you know.” She raised an eyebrow towards him and he kept his smug little smile planted on his face. May loved his company, she loved it when he was excited and surrounded with things that he loved. He would get a certain look on his face, like his face would just light up. It made her happy. That she was a part of that happiness._

     The festival was loud and happening, there were all sorts of people everywhere. People were running around from different tents to buses, carrying passes or water bottles. There was yelling, laughing and lots of loud music. The interview time was getting closer and closer and she was still not ready for it. The stage was absolutely huge and fans were already lined around it trying to get a look at their favorite singers or bands. Everyone was anxious and May was one of them. She felt her grip around her bag and badge was getting tighter and harder. Her breath was slightly heightened like she just finished a race.

  
     She wasn’t nervous because of the unmanageable crowd but because of what was coming up after. She’s going to be interviewing a band while they would be performing but just the thought of his voice echoing throughout the venue was going to drive her crazy. This was going to be their official first meeting after four years and she could just imagine how he would react.  _Would he remember what happened last night? Did he seem jealous yesterday, when he saw_   _Thomas?_  

     Her mind was still screaming questions at her and she had no answers and May knew that she won’t get any answers. Not here or maybe at all. But she knew that she couldn’t let those thoughts keep coming presenting themselves. She was working today. She had to be professional. So May took in a deep breath and put the band of her badge around her neck and smiled at Jim, the cameraman.

     "Nervous?“  
     "Yeah, kinda,” May nodded and sighed, “okay maybe a lot.”  
     "But you’ve done this countless times you’ll be fine!“  
     "I know but it just seems different and phew. Stress!” Jim smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, shaking her a little.  
     "It’ll be fine. We’ll go for a drink later!“ May smiled and nodded. Jim was right, May has done this numerous times why would she be nervous? She knows how to interview bands like the back of her hand. It was going to be very smooth.

__________

     "My head is going to explode. I’m going back to bed.” Dan laid down on the stage as the others tried to prepare the stage.  
     "Don’t you dare, I told you to not drink more.“ Will pulled up Dan to an upright position. Dan sighed and bowed his head. His head was still hungover from the amount of drinking from last night. He just wanted to lie in his bed and sleep for as long as he possibly could. He was not ready to stand in front of a crowd for 90 minutes and try to entertain them.  
     "Why don’t you lay down for a while, Dan? We’ve still got a bunch of time before our performance.” Woody called out from behind the drums.  
     "But I’ve got to prepare.“  
     "You’ve got nothing to prepare about, go sleep!” Woody snapped, “Will tell him.”  
     "Go sleep mate. You need it.“ Will pulled up Dan and turned him towards the stairs and let him wall towards it. Dan complied and walked down the small stairs and walked into the bus. In no time he was under his covers and his eyes were shut tight.

_"Daniel I told you to not drink so much,” May said she sat beside him on the sofa. He shifted his weight and head on top on her lap and kept his eyes covered._  
_"It’s okay. I just need rest.“ Dan talked quietly. May stroked his hair as she smiled down at him. It’s not like he had a problem with drinking and his body always handled it well. But his body had its moments when it just shut down after a drinking night. And today was one of those days. May had offered him a pain killer but Dan just needed sleep and some quiet. So May stayed still and kept stroking her fingers through his now getting long hair. She had pulled the curtains together so there was less light blazing his view. But Dan turned towards her tummy and covered his eyes with his shirt._  
_"Ugh sleep never seemed so important,” Dan kept groaning, waiting for his sleep to finally come._  
_"Be patient.“_  
_"Sing to me.”_  
_"You’re kidding right?“_  
_"Like a lullaby come on.”_  
_"You’re the one who sings in his relationship sweetheart.“ May said she kept her hands in his hair. He buried his head more into her tummy and kept groaning. So finally, May started to hum. Low quiet hums, almost unable to hear. But she was complying in a way so Dan shut up his whining and listened. And slowly Dan was in the most peaceful sleep he had been in for a while._

     Kyle shook Dan awake and rubbed his eyes as he sat up. He kept quiet, he knew what he dreamed about. It another of those memory dreams. Dan sighed and checked the time. They had about 45 minutes before their performance and finally he was feeling the need to bounce up and down and entertain his fans. Kyle threw him his grey wolf hoodie and after running his hand back and forth in his hair, Dan got out of his bed and got ready for their gig. This gig was going to kick off their tour so they all knew that this was going to be big and they had to storm through this. So Dan took in a deep breath and walked towards the stage. Everything was going to be ready soon and he’ll be jumping through the crowd and singing his lyrics with all the energy he’s got. 

     May thanked the band as they finished their interview and they all got up to leave to their tour bus. Her confidence was slowly building up again. She knew that she had it in herself, this was her job and she knew about the little details that went with this job. May was a people’s person and this job clearly asked for him. The only reason she was nervous was only because the time where she would meet Dan was coming closer.

     She was getting anxious. Like would he be happy with what she’s doing. Dan knew what her dream was and she was clearly walking away from her dream. This job was different from her dream. And he was the biggest support for her dream but now what would Dan say or think when he sees her? She cleared her throat and put her mic down and decided to take a break. She needed a walk. Away from all this. From her thoughts, hopefully.

__________

     The gig had finished. The yelling and screaming was finished. Bastille had given one of their greatest performances on stage and now Dan was completely tired out. He needed a break and not a drink. The rest of the boys went back to their tour bus to take a little break in their own way but Dan grabbed his grey hoodie and made his way around the venue. Dan loved the excitement; it was fun to be around. There was no stress, everything just made sense and it gave everyone a reason to meet others and have a different sense of location. He loved performing at concerts, like the band owned the stage.

     But festivals were different, they had some sort of adrenaline rush that he yearned to experience. He kept wandering around the location, it wasn’t small but he didn’t want to wander too far away from the tour bus. His sense of direction sometimes gets the best of him. So he walked to some tents, saw some fans, and carried a bottle of water. The beer tent was a complete fat no. He had an interview after and he had already battled a throbbing headache. Dan wanted things to make sense and he would be happy to not be jumping around drunk.

     May kept her eyes wandering around the tents. She was taking in the excitement and the happiness everyone was feeling. This crowd was different from her everyday life. It seemed more happy, more content with what was happening. She definitely needed those good vibes, she was running low on those for a while now. Staying at a festival gave her a new change, it took her away from her problems. May continued on but just as fast she had stopped dead in her tracks. She knew that hair style.

     She knew that jacket, that wolf on the back of that jacket. She knew that lost adventurous side view. May was telling her feet to start backtracking but she couldn’t. Like her mind had already made the decision of keeping her planted there, staring at the person in front of her.

     “D-…Dan-Daniel?” May’s eyes were popping out of her sockets and Dan’s ears had perked up. No one ever called him Daniel. Only a very hand full of people did. But never people at festivals. But he also knew that voice. That soft voice that he had fallen in love with. He did a 180 turn and he was face to face to what people would love to call, his long lost love. His former girlfriend. Maybe not even former. They hadn’t actually broken up, they just stopped talking. May stared back at him, her eyes were starting to tear up but she held them back. And slowly both of their feet walked up closer towards each other. Everything was suddenly so much slower and in blur. Like they were the only ones in focus. 

     “Daniel…” Dan’s mouth opened up and his eyes widened. Everything from last night came rushing back. His drunk walk towards May in the restaurant. His slurring words towards her, his questioning look. The fact that he almost fell on her. Dan remembered everything from last night. He had thought that it was dream. That he had thought he had seen a girl who looked like May and approached her. Because he would never have the guts to ever do that. But the moment he looked at May, last night was a reality.

     “Oh god. I’m so sorry. Last night…” Dan continued but May kept staring at him. His words were going above her head like it didn’t matter. He was sober. He looked like his usual self. She wanted to hug him so bad. Just to leap into his arms and cling onto his shirt and cry in his chest. He looked more put together. His hair was proper, maybe falling here and there but better than last night. Better than when she left him. Dan saw her look, the way she was just staring at his face. Like her eyes were going to fill up with tears. May was still her old height but she looked so much like an adult.

     She didn’t look like her old university self, who was trying to catch each lesson, stay on top of her studies, and memorize all the different reading. She looked older, mature, and Dan was already falling in love with her more. He croaked his head to the side and just stared back at her. His eyes were taking in every little detail of May they would possibly find. He wanted to grip her wrist, wrap his arm around her waist and hold her up to his chest. The sun was starting to become blinding but his eyes kept looking at her while his eyebrows frowned together. There suddenly was no sound around them. It was just them. The two lovers who were dying to each other. 

     “M…” Dan’s mouth let out a whisper and May almost fell in his arms. She was waiting for him to say that. Everyone called her from her nickname but when he said it, it was like she was the only one that mattered. The burly voice calling her name. She needed to hear that. They were so close to each other, standing in front of each other. Their eyes were just staring into each other’s. Like the days they lived together were flashing in their eyes. May’s hand moved up towards his cheek and as she was about to touch his cheek, Dan’s arms flew around her and his hand rested on her head and he finally pulled her into his chest. And it was like worlds collided. Dan’s face was buried in her hair and May rested her face in his chest. The smell of her shampoo filled his head and May’s hand held onto his shirt. Everything felt so perfect, like they were finally together, back to four years before. People walked by them, sending some looks towards their way but to May and Dan everything had went blur. 

__________

     “It’s nice seeing you.” May finally said as they sat on the stairs of the backstage. They were about a metre apart but still close enough. There was an awkward silence between them but they kept trying to find ways of filling the silence.

     “You too.”

     “I’m glad that everything is still going great for you.” Dan smiled and bowed his head.

     “I knew that you’d want me too. And it keeps be busy.” May smiled at him, “how are you films coming along? Or did you get into photography?” May cleared her throat and started playing with her hands.

     “I’m interviewing you today.” To that, Dan’s face lit up and he looked at her. He seemed happy about that.

     “Really? That’s wicked! When?” May’s head clicked. She had to get back to Jim to get prepared for their interview. Checking her wrist, May got up from her spot and looked at Dan apologetically.

     “Sorry, Dan but I have to go. To get ready for your interview, I’ll see you then?” Dan looked at her and got up next to her.

     “Sure,” his voice had a soft and gentle touch to it, “can we meet later?”

     “Yes!” May blinked and cleared her throat again. That seemed a bit too excited, “I mean, I’d love to. There’s this great coffee shop nearby. I’ll give you the address after the interview?”

     “Sounds great. I’ll see you at the interview.” May flashed him a smile and turned her back towards him and started to make her way back. But before she could walk away, Dan held her wrist and pulled her back towards, pulling her closer to him. May’s eyes widened a bit as she looked towards him.  _What is he doing?_  Her mind questioned herself.

     “It’s Daniel, by the way.” Dan gave her a smug smile and walked away and May could feel her cheeks heat up. He still remembered that she called him Daniel. Of course he still remembered. May bit her lip to keep her from smiling like an idiot and slowly made her way back towards their interviewing station. Suddenly her entire confidence was skyrocketing and her mind was already looking forward to coffee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me there is angst coming. And I hope you're liking the read so far. Thank you for coming this far!


	5. Chapter 5

     The interview had started. The questions were flowing and the laughs were flowing from entire group. But Dan had stayed quiet which was quite unusual for him. He usually answers the most questions and is the most involved with the answers. But this time he stayed quiet, less involved and more into his thoughts. May asked more questions and Kyle answered mostly and Will shared some wisdom and Woody also shared some thoughts but Dan, kept quiet. He flashed some smiles and laughs and nods but he didn’t say anything. Instead he kept his ears perked up and only listened to May. He listened to how her voice sounded, how her giggles seemed so sweet and her shy covered laughs made her seem so beautiful.

     He missed the sound of her voice, how it got high pitched at some moments, or soft it became. He just wanted to stare her and picked out all the small little details on her face. The small face that he fell in love with and was falling in love with her again. She seemed so happy, so involved with everything. He loved that smile on her and whenever Kyle spewed out a joke and made her smile, he felt like he was going to go crazy. Dan had only seen her smiles in the pictures that he had but seeing it in person almost drove him mad. May’s smile was going to make him fall head over heels for her again, more than he already was. May kept smiling as they answered more of their questions, she looked down on her question sheet for the next question.

     “What are your inspirations for your music?” The boys eyes wandered up to Dan for an answer. He’s the main person who can answer this question. Dan looked at the boys and flashed them a little smile. 

     “Well, there are many connections towards David Lynch. He’s a big inspiration,” Dan cleared his throat and the boys nodded along with him, “but personally there is a personal element towards it. My whole life style has changed the starting of the band but I still tend to write about my life before and the people that have supported me, before all this success. Before all this recognition.” Dan stared at May who looked back at him. Her cheeks had turned into a light red of blush. She looked down and bit her lip to stop her from smiling. She hadn’t heard all the lyrics to their music but they both know who he directed the answer too. And Dan was telling the truth, there were so many connections to his personal life before Bastille in his lyrics. There were so many connections to her in his lyrics. A person just had to look hard enough and it would be staring at their faces. May stopped herself from blushing more and continued on asking her next question.   

     “Alright, we’re almost done. How has being in the band affected your lives?” That stopped the boys for a second. They all went into deep thought and as no one could really come up with an answer, Will took the mic.

     “Well, I’d say we’d have more success with women.” Dan’s widened and he looked away. Like he could have buried himself somewhere. The other two shared a small laugh with him. It was true.

     “What do you mean?” May smiled at him.

     “Well, for more Dan more actually. Him being the only single one.”    

     “Oh, no girlfriend for you, Dan?” 

     “Well, a new one every night, right,” Kyle nudged him a little and so did Woody. He tried to give them a small smile. He just wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. May’s eyes narrowed as she stared at him.  _Excuse me?_  May’s head asked him but he kept looking down in all misery. This wasn’t supposed to happen! He didn’t even want to stare at her anymore. But May took in a deep breath and asked her last question.

     “Last question! So your tattoo,” May smiled at Will and he smiled back at her. He knew what was coming, “are you planning on getting another one for your second album?” All the boys laughed and Will nodded thoughtfully.

     “Well, it all depends. If I end up getting too drunk then who knows what can happen. It sounds like a great idea though,” he replied.

     “Don’t worry, mate. We’ll help you get the next one!” Kyle patted his shoulder and they both shared a smiling glance. Dan looked towards May.

     “Have you got any tattoos?” May looked towards Dan as he asked his question. He had his eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer. May looked down, shy. She had a tattoo, definitely and she wasn’t embarrassed about it. She just got a little shy.

 

      _“I don’t know about this, seriously.” May looked at Dan. He had his little tattoo kit open and everything was ready. They had both decided to get a tattoo, by themselves. Dan was really confident in himself that he could do it and May definitely believed in him. But now that all the materials were out and the needles were placed on the table, May’s breath had started to heightened. She was nervous and a little scared. She was still thinking that would she still want this tattoo years from now? May believed in their relationship, that they would stay strong forever but a tattoo? Would this be a good idea later? They had both promised each other that Dan would make a tattoo on her wrist and she would do the same on his._

_“Love, if you don’t want to do this then we won’t. It’s up to you.” Dan palmed her cheek and took in a deep breath._

_“I know. I want this but I’m nervous.” May took in a deep breath and looked at the ink and sighed. It was a big step for sure but she was willing to take it. She nodded her head and looked at Dan, who kept a small encouraging smile._

_“You sure, M?” May nodded again and pulled up her sleeve and put it on the table. Dan cleaned up her wrist and rubbed it with some rubbing alcohol and started to slowly draw out the small design on her wrist. She kept her eyes stuck on him, she didn’t even take a glance at the work process, her were glued on him. He sterilized the needle and made his way to work on the tattoo. May gripped her hand and bit her lip as he started to poke on the design. She felt little blood making its way out of her arm but she kept quiet. It was happening and there was no going back, She was going to be proud of this._

_And finally they were done. There was no more poking, no more needles and no more ink. Her wrist was branded with the face of a wolf and it look gorgeous. Dan smiled at her and she stared at her wrist admiring his handiwork._

_“Ready to do mine?”_

_“What?! Oh right…” May stared her arm and then back at him._

_“Is everything alright?”_

_“What if I mess up?” she looked towards the needles and sighed, “it’ll be terrible.” Dan just listened to her. She was feeling nervous the entire day so he just let her vent._

_“M…”_

_“No listen. I can’t do this… but I did do something else.” May got up. She walked over her bag and pulled out a plastic bag._

_“What did you do May?”_

_“I went shopping with friends, right? And I saw this. I was already have second doubts about me being able to give you a tattoo. So I got this to make up for it.” She handed him the bag and out its contents. It was a grey hoodie, it looked absolutely comfy, and it screamed for Dan. It fit his clothing style perfectly. He looked at the front and then turned it around a soft gasp left his mouth. There was a wolf printed on the back. It was a face of a wolf almost like her tattoo. It was so perfect._

_“This…is…it’s even better than a tattoo!” May smiled as he jumped up to try it. May kept her tattoo covered as she stared at Dan admire his soon to favourite hoodie._

 

     “I do…I have a tattoo. It’s really old though, like from my university years.” May took a breath and turned her arm around to reveal the small wolf tattoo that Dan had made. Dan’s eyes softened at the look of it. May had a small blush forming as he kept staring at it. He was admiring it. He was happy that she had kept it, and still shared it and seemed proud of it. Kyle and Woody stared at each other as Dan looked at it.

     They knew where they had heard about this tattoo. They remembered Dan talking about it when he was drunk. They remembered Dan bringing up the girl from four years ago who he had given a tattoo. The girl who had given him the wolf hoodie. Their brains had clicked together and at the same time. Both the boys knew who this girl was.

     “That is so much cooler than any of mine will ever be!” Will seemed so engulfed in her tattoo and she gave him a shy and turned her wrist around again, covering it up. 

     “So that’s all the time we had today. Thank you for coming for this interview,” May smiled at them and the camera turned off and the boys and she got up. They shook hands and Dan stayed back. As Kyle and Woody took Will away they sent Dan a little wink and he walked up to her. She took out her hand and their shared a handshake.

     Her eyes were looking somewhere else, she was mad at him. Dan smiled at her and gave her hand a tight squeeze. She finally looked towards Dan and as he held onto her hand he turned her arm over and stared at her the tattoo. Her annoyance was on the boiling point but the way he looked so fascinated by it still her eyes softened. He looked so happy that she still had it. That she hadn’t decided to get it removed. He finally let go and started to walk away.

     “Daniel wait!” he turned towards her voice and she quickly put a folded paper in his hands.

     “The address.” 

     “Ah, right. Thank you. How about I see you at the gates and we’ll together?” Dan looked at the paper.

     “Yes, sure.” May nodded and Dan gripped the paper and walked away. She glared at him as he walked away and took in a deep breath. 

     “A new girl every night, my ass. Who does he think he is?!” May stared at her phone and looked through her recent calls and his name popped up. May stared at it and knew that she shouldn’t do it but she dialled Thomas’ number. The phone rang a few times and finally a voice greeted.

     “To what do I owe this surprise?”

     “You flirt on the phone too?” she could feel his smile on the other end of the phone. 

     “I didn’t know that there was a stop to that?” May felt herself smile a little to his voice but cleared her throat.

     “Are you free?”

     “Now? Not really. My only free time is tonight.”

     “Yeah, tonight’s fine!” May almost sounded too eager, “I mean, our last dinner kinda got interrupted. So yeah, tonight sounds good.” Thomas chuckled.

     “Alright, same place?”

     “Yeah, I’ll meet you there at 9.” May put her phone and went back to Jim to talk about the next interview. She was definitely going to make Dan regret his decision on having a girlfriend every night.  

     “YOU’RE KIDDING!” Will stared at Dan who kept looking down. He had his hand in his hair and his thoughts were occupied with the reasons he could give May about why was he being promiscuous. But nothing came up and Will finally caught up to whole drama.

     “You made that tattoo on her?”

     “That’s not the point.”

     “Right right of course.” All four boys sighed as they sat together, trying to help Dan. But there was no reason coming up. Why did Dan decide to become such a playboy? Was it necessary for Dan to sleep with a girl? Why did that question even ever come up! Dan tugged on his hair and sighed. There was no good reason as to what he did. He regretted it, not just now but  right now it seemed so heavy. He never thought that he would have to explain to anyone his habits but he could feel May’s eyes still piercing through him.

     He wasn’t looking for an excuse but he couldn’t find a good enough reason. And the boys tried to come up with ideas, things to say to May to make her think that he isn’t that sex crazy. That they were just kidding but everything seemed so forced, so stupid. So, for Dan especially, until the time for the coffee date came up, his mind stayed in the thoughts of coming up with an explanation.

     May kept interviewing and smiling and nodding along to all other members of the bands but she was still fuming over Dan. Her thoughts were racked up on finding answers. She demanded answers, she demanded them now. She waited four years. Even when she was in a relationship the last person that she ever slept with was Dan. And Dan’s probably most recent person was some girl he picked whose name he mostly won’t remember. She was angry and hurt. But mostly angry, she wanted to go up to him and yell at him. But then she sighed at her thoughts. She couldn’t expect him to wait four years. It made no sense.  _But you waited!_ May nodded at her thoughts and all the sympathy that she could have conjured up for him disappeared.

__________

     Dan waited near the gates, his hands were stuffed in his pockets and his arms were covered with his denim jacket. It was started to get cool but he stood his ground. He had no idea when she would be done but it was getting near the time she had written on the paper. So he kept waiting. He took out his phone and scrolled through any new feed on Facebook and Twitter and kept staring at the time. Dan had a pretty good idea that she was mad but she couldn’t ignore this. She should be here soon, she couldn’t just ditch him like that. Dan scanned through the crowd one more time and there she was. 

     May was gripping her name tag and holding her purse. She made her way towards him and stood in front of him. Her eyes were still sharp like she could just throw daggers at him but kept his smile up.

     “Ready?”

     “That’s why I’m here.” Dan nodded.  _Yep she’s pissed._

     “Let’s go then.” Dan tried to add some lightness to their situation but she started to make her way outside.

     “Follow me. I didn’t bring my car, so we’re walking.”

     “That sounds great.”

     “Good. Don’t fall behind.” Letting out a sigh, Dan quietly followed May away from the festival. There was going to no chit chat on their way there.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've made it so far, thank you for taking your time to read this! Do you like May? What do you think about the little snippets of italics of the past?  
> I realize there was a lot of conversation in this one, but I can assure you that there is more angst coming and it almost hurts.


	6. Chapter 6

     The two sat at a table beside the window and stared at their drinks. The entire cafe was filled with the scent of coffee and it seemed so familiar almost. Dan took in a deep breath and May quietly sipped her coffee. 

      _May and Dan sat in front of each other. Dan was scribbling away on paper while May tried to type up her essay. The coffee house was quieter than usual mornings but just the way they liked it. The smell was spreading throughout the area and there was a real sense of getting work down. But May let out a sigh and put her head on her books,_

_“What’s the matter, M?” Dan said not looking up._

_“I don’t even get the point of essays.” May looked up at him as he kept looking at his notebook, “not like I’m going to write essays for a living. What is this preparing me for!?” May took a chug of her remaining coffee and slammed closed her laptop. Nothing was coming to her, she was having one of those writer blocks and she just couldn’t squeeze any meaningful sentences or phrases. That’s why they had moved out of their room and walked over to the cafe. For any creative juices to start flowing. For Dan it worked but May stood in the same place where she had left off._

_“Just take a break. Do something else.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Like watch me work, it’ll be fun.”_

_“You’re boring” Dan looked up at her and raised an eyebrow._

_“I’m boring?” May nodded and grabbed his remaining coffee and started sipping it. Her system was going to be fried tomorrow from all the caffeine. Dan chuckled at her restlessness and pulled his seat closer towards her. She gave him a look and stared at her open textbook._

_“We could go home you know,” Dan gave her a smug look and put his hand on her thigh under the table. May automatically bit her lip and tried to hide a smile, “that wouldn’t be boring right?” May kept slowly sipping his coffee and he moved in close. She raised her shoulder to move away from him but he kept coming closer. But the moment the door of the cafe opened he moved away._

_“You little…” he straightened up and went back to his notebook but his hand stayed. He definitely knew which words to use._

_“Hmm?”_

_“Home is good.” He looked up and she gave him a smile and got up.  
_

“Would you like another coffee?” Dan finally broke the silence. It’s almost been an hour and May still stayed quiet like she was coming up with her questions.

     “New girl every night?” May finally said. Dan closed his eyes and looked at his coffee, “how was that?”

     “It’s not what you think?”

     “What do I think, Dan?” Dan’s eyes jumped back towards her. She never called him Dan. It was always Daniel. Dan is for when she’s nervous or angry. For her it was different. When they had first met, he had introduced himself as Daniel not Dan and from then now it had always been his full name. It felt weird for her to not call him Daniel. Dan became too common. So he knew, she was mad. Pissed, sounded better.

     “I mean…” Dan sighed and slumped in his chair, “I don’t know.”     

     “Oh so you didn’t have sex with a new girl every night. You just sat awake and talked to her.” Dan ran his fingers through his hair and bit his lips.

     “It didn’t mean anything.”

     “Of course, it didn’t.” May rolled her eyes at him. 

     “May, listen to me. It didn’t. I mean I was drunk and it sort of happened…”

     “You were drunk. Every time?”

     “Well,” Dan scratched his head and fixed his shirt.    

     “Right. Alright, Dan it was nice meeting you. I’ll see you when I’m over this.” May got up and put on her coat. Dan stared at her as she took one last sip of her coffee and took her purse.

     “You’re leaving?”

     “Yes, I have to meet someone.”

     “Meet someone? Weren’t you meeting me?”

     “This is someone else.” It was like a light bulb went up in Dan’s head.

     “The guy from last night?” May didn’t say anything and Dan jumped up from his seat. She started to make her way towards the door but he just followed. May walked ahead of him and Dan stayed at her heel. He needed to talk to her. He needed answers, and she needed answers. He finally had a chance at making this work and he couldn’t let it go just because a mistake he made. Or mistakes. He needed May to understand that. To give him a chance to explain.

But she was walking away, almost out of his grasp but Dan knew if he let her go now at this moment, then he’d never have a chance. So he followed her as she walked ahead of him. He knew she was listening, she had to. If that look from when they hugged meant anything, she was listening. She was just waiting for the right reason. 

     Dan kept his speed matched with May’s. And May kept a good distance away from him. She knew that what she was doing was wrong. It was mean, and rude. Plus meeting up with Thomas? That was even meaner. She was just doing it out of spite of Dan. That wasn’t fair to Dan or Thomas. But her mind was fuming with the thought of Dan flirting with other girls at bars and having his one night stands.

Whenever that thought presented itself, her mind would just get angrier. But, this is Dan. Her Daniel. She couldn’t just let him follow her like a puppy. He still wasn’t in a relationship like she wasn’t. That meant something. Dan took in a deep breath and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back towards him.

     “May give me a chance!” 

     “Fine! Fine. I’ll give you a chance. We’ll talk.” May sighed and Dan let go of her wrist, “but not out here. We’re almost near my place so we’ll talk there.” Dan nodded and she nodded with him. And they walked side by side towards her place, like he was dropping her home. 

_The silence was almost deafening. There was no words being exchanged or hands being held. But it wasn’t awkward either. They were both kind of shy, they couldn’t place the perfect timing to talk. They had talked a lot during their date and now it seemed that silence was the best. May held onto her bag and Dan had his hands stuffed in his pockets. And finally they arrived at her place._

_“This is me.” May said as they stood at the entrance. It was a small apartment building, most of the windows were dark but some stay lit._

_“You live alone?” Dan said as he looked at windows._

_“No, I have a roommate, she must be still awake,” May looked up at the windows and pointed at one, “that one.” Dan stared at it and nodded._

_“Looks nice.” May gave him a look and smiled, “it seemed the right thing to say.”_

_“Well…I had fun.”_

_“Me too.” May smiled at him and looked down at her hands. She was nervous. “I don’t do this on first dates…but…” Dan looked at her and she went on her toes and placed a small little peck on his cheek. His eyes widened and it seemed like his cheek almost went red. May bit her lip and flashed him a small smile._

_“I…” Dan nodded and smiled. He ran his hands through his hair and kept smiling, “I’ll call you?”_

_“I’ll be waiting.” He nodded again and kept smiling at her._

     “Here we are.” May said as she approached the door and rummaged through her bag for the keys. Dan looked around the building. It wasn’t the smallest place ever nor the biggest. But it seemed extravagant.

     “You live alone?”

     “Yeah,” May nodded as she put her key in the keyhole and opened the door, “my dad…he bought it for me. I didn’t want to him to. But that’s a completely different story. Welcome.” May put her bag on the table beside the door and let the keys fall out of her hands. Dan scanned his eyes through the room. It was nicely light, the entrance was a bit narrow but as he walked in the room opened up. Sofas were lined up nice, the kitchen was clean. Everything looked perfect, like May always likes. 

     “It looks great.” May gave him a shy a laugh.

     “Thanks.” 

     “I’ll get some tea?”

     “May…listen to me.” May had cooled down on their walk over. She had thought over everything and it seemed stupid to be so mad at him. It was four years. Four years they were away from each other. But she needed to hear his side. She stood and nodded. 

     “May, I know I made a mistake. It was stupid. But it was four years…things happen,” May’s eyes narrowed on him.  _Things HAPPEN?!_  Her head questioned him, “I got drunk a few times and sometimes it was like I…needed it and it was like -“

     “A craving?”

     “Yeah like that. But May, understand when I say this, I wished they were you. Not some random girls.” Her eyes stayed narrow. “Like none of them mattered so it was easy to -“

     “I’ll tell you something. I’ve been in relationships, I admit. I may have kissed them. But I never took it as far as sleeping with them. For FOUR years. The last person I slept with, ever, was you. Because it was special. And you’re telling me that THINGS HAPPEN?!” May lashed at his words and he let her. She was right. If she could wait for four years what the hell does things happen mean?

     “It’s special to me too. With you. This four years and all that time I spent with the other girls, it was meaningless. The only meaningful time was you. May, that’s all the matters. Nothing else!” May rolled her eyes.

     “Yeah yeah, right meaningless sex sure.”

     “It was meaningless. If it meant anything when I wouldn’t have let them go.”

     “Right, of course. And I’d believe that.”     

     “May, you’re the only one who matters to me. And anything I do with you matters to me.” She let out a scoff and Dan looked at her.

     “How do I even know anymore? It’s been four years, Dan. Maybe those things could have just changed you. That now all you want is meaningless sex. How do I even know that I matter, that I -“ Dan put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her towards him, connecting their lips. May’s eyes widened at the sudden surprise. He kept his eyes closed and his hand just pulled her in closer towards him. There was no exchange of words anymore. To May, it had started to get warmer. She didn’t try to push him away but she didn’t kiss him back either.

Dan wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned her back to the nearest wall. Everything around them had suddenly disappeared. As May’s back hit the wall, Dan put his hands on either side of her head. Like he was putting his weight on his hands and kept his lips pressed up against May’s. And finally, May gave in and kissed him back. The kiss was rushed, too fast but the perfect speed. May’s hands slowly went up Dan’s shirt and around his neck and Dan kept his one hand on the wall and placed the other on her cheek. Her hands moved away from his neck and slowly moved towards his hair and her hands started to entwine themselves in his strands. 

     And finally, Dan pulled away. Both their breaths were fast and rushed. They tried to get as much air as possible. But they didn’t pull away. He leaned his forehead on hers and she kept her eyes low. 

     “How do you know that you matter?”

     “I hope you didn’t do this with any of them.”

     “Never got the thought of doing it.” May smiled and looked down. Her cheeks were flushed red and her hands moved away from his hair. “I’ll go…open a window.” Dan nodded and she slowly slipped away from his arms.

__________

     The air from the window slowly filled up the room. Everything was starting to cool down. May and Dan were sitting beside each other on her sofa and the only thing they could hear was the clock ticking. They had stood together in the kitchen to make some tea and now the tea sat in front of them on the table and the steam slowly blew towards the window. 

     “So how are you films coming?” Dan smiled at her and she looked down.

     “I quit that dream.” Dan stared at her as she kept her head down. This was her dream. To become a filmmaker to make films. Be it about anything but she wanted to be the one holding the camera and capturing the moments.

     “What do you mean quit?” May didn’t reply, “did you stay in photography then?” She shook her head.

     “I stopped that too,” May reached over for her tea and took a sip.

     “May, the reason we got separated in the first place was because you were following your dream! How could you just quit it?” May sighed again. He was right. She had finally got an opportunity to follow her dream to be an assistant to a filmmaker. She had gotten the chance to follow him, soak in his advice and continue fulfilling her dream.

     “I know, I know. You followed your dream and I just gave up mine. It sounds bull. It is…but I had my reasons.”

     “Why didn’t you come, May?” May looked at him and her mind just flew back to the moment four years ago. 

      _May walked into her room after a long day of shooting. It was past 10 and she just needed a shower and some sleep. Her bags were all packed up and she was counting the days to go back to Dan. It’s been six months without him or any contact from him. But in a way it was good for her because she was able to concentrate on her work. And he was most likely to concentrate on his. Now the days were coming close and it was finally time to go meet him and tell her about her trip._

_Her boss, had encouraged her to try to film some things on her own now, her training was great and she was so confident. And May knew who to ask for help about letting her have a chance to film. Dan wouldn’t say no! At least he’d give her a chance. She couldn’t wait to ask him! May grabbed a towel and a chance of clothes walked towards the bathroom. And then phone rang. The word, MOM, blinked on the screen._

     _“Hey mom!”  May said as she sat down on the bed, holding her towel._

_“Hey honey, how are you?”_

_“I’m great! How are you?”_

_“I’m good myself. You’re still in the States right?”_

_“Yeah! I’ve got another week left, why?”_

_“Honey, can we talk?” May stared at her phone._

_“Mom?”_

_“Can we meet? Your dad…he’s kind of sick.” May’s eyes widened._

_“And you’re telling me NOW?! Mom, how is he? Is it serious?”_

_“It’s not serious, just - “_

_“I’ll come right away!”_

     “And after I never left. My dad wasn’t really sick. It was an excuse. They just wanted me home; they found out that all my studies were finished in London and I was planning on getting a job there and becoming a citizen there. So when they got a chance they called me and I rushed home.” Dan looked at her as she told her story, “and that’s when I found out my dad was mad. That he wanted me to stay here and just manage his business. But I wouldn’t agree. And they wouldn’t let me go back to London. To see you. And days became weeks and slowly they turned to months.” 

“So nothing could happen?”

“I kept trying to convince my mom but in turn she asked to me to at least try to help my dad. And I agreed. But I wanted to make films, go on trips, and take pictures. But none of it was possible. And I started to just give in. Then I tried to find openings in TV related jobs. And I found this. So when I told them that I was convinced that my dream was going to take me nowhere but I wanted to become my own person my parents agreed to let me come here. And as that happened, he bought me this.” Dan watched her as she had her head bowed down. She looked so defeated, so cheated. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. 

“And when I came back to our apartment and you never came back I thought…”

     ‘That I moved on. I know. I thought that with the amount of time that passed, you would have too.”

     “I could never.” May held his hand.

     “Me too.” Dan turned her hand over again and stared at her tattoo. 

     “I’m happy you still have it.”

     “Oh you have no idea! My dad got so mad when he saw this! He got so loud it was so scary! So I covered it up with long sleeves and powder and told him I got it removed.” He placed a small kiss on her wrist and she smiled. She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. The time was past 10 and everything seemed so quiet and so perfect. She was happy and he was happy. They didn’t know where to go from this but as of this moment they laid on the sofa together. Her head on his chest and his head on the sofa arm. May had her hands around his waist and one of his hands rested softly on her back. Everything around them forgotten, any plans forgotten. It was just them, in each other’s arms. And they slept through the night together; in the sweetest sense of that sentence.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now I feel I am repeating myself by constantly saying Thank you.  
> But I am really thankful for you reading this and coming this far! I hope you continue!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it could be wise to add that there might be some need for trigger warning for drunken abuse. It is at the end though.

     Waking up together was something they were both wishing for, for such a long time. That the other would beside them. And finally this morning, that wish came true. May blinked her eyes open to the bright morning sun shining through the window and Dan looked down at her as she raised her head from his chest.

     “Good morning,” Dan smiled at her as her head shot up towards the voice. She was thinking that whatever happened yesterday was a dream but when he spoke up everything seemed so real. He was really on her sofa, staring at her, smiling at her. They had actually kissed yesterday and she had explained her situation to him. He knew everything and he was in her arms and she was in his. May gave him a smile and placed her head on his chest again, closing her eyes.

     “It is a good morning.” May said and he stroked her hair, “it almost feels unreal.” 

     “Do you need me to pinch you?”

     “Yeah, probably.” Dan looked at her and pinched her arm hard and she sat up from her position giving him a look.

     “I said probably, Daniel!” 

     “It’s back to Daniel now?” May’s cheeks flushed a little.

     “I like it that way.” She got up and ran towards the bathroom before he could pull her back into his arms and give her a kiss. Dan kept smiling and closed his eyes. He was so relaxed, like his body was aching for this.

     

      _“Daniel!!! Wake up!” May sat on the bed beside him. He had come late from a gig from last night and all he wanted was a nice sleep. And tons of good food. But May wanted his company. He had been recording so much that she hadn’t seen him in the longest time and now he was finally at home as the same time as her, she couldn’t just let him sleep._  


_“Nooo, sleep good.” Dan pulled up the fluffy covers and covered his eyes with his arm. May had threw open the curtains so there was the most amount of sunlight just staring at him._

_“You need to get up!”_

_“Why!!”_

_“Cause…I said so?” May kept tugging on his arm as she whined at him. Dan kept his eyes covered and his mouth closed. He knew that she missed him. And he missed her too. “Daniel.”_

_“Yes, my love?”_

_“See you’re awake. You can get up now.”_

_“But it’s comfortable here.”_

_“Hmph, fine.” May let go of his arm and started to get off the bed but he grabbed her wrist and pulled back into his arms._

_“Now, we’re both comfortable here.” May turned towards him and he stared at her with his blue eyes. He kissed her nose and she just buried her face in his neck._

 

  
The two of them stayed in the kitchen as they tried to cook an exciting breakfast. May was tried of her usual egg, or cereal breakfasts. There was a change her life so she had to bring a change to her breakfast. So the two stood near the stove as they tried to make pancakes and tea together. Dan was boiling some water for tea and May was flipping the pancakes. 

     “Those aren’t circles, May.” Dan said as he looked over, “they aren’t even any interesting shapes!”

     “Oh shush, at least they’re be made.”

     “Yeah, but I’d like some nice looking breakfast.” 

     “It’s going in your tummy anyway, how they look shouldn’t matter.”

     “Oh what a scientific answer.” May stuck out her tongue at him and poured the water over the tea bags. He put the butter and syrup on the table and May brought over the pancakes on a plate. May’s phone started to buzz and she brought it over as they sat together to have the most important meal of the day. 

     “Did you call the others about your whereabouts?” May said as she slid her finger across the lock screen. Dan took a massive bite of the pancake and closed his eyes in approval of the food.

     “Yeah I did, when you were in the bathroom. I have a gig to get to in about two hours.” May nodded as she looked at her phone. There were at least three missed calls from Thomas and a few messages. 

     “Oh damn.” May said as she read through her messages. She totally stood him up. He sounded a bit angry in messages and when she heard his voicemail, she felt worse. He was apologizing on her behalf that he called her so many times. And he was hoping she was okay.  _I’m so mean. Shit._  May said as she scrolled through his messages.

     “What happened?”

     “You know that person I told you I was going to meet?” Dan nodded at he took a sip of his tea.

     “Yeah, I stood him up.”

     “That’s okay. I’d rather have you with me.” May gave him a look and texted Thomas back apologizing for standing him up.

     “I’ll meet him today and apologize in person. That sounds best.” May put down her phone and took a bite.

     “What’s his story?”

     “Well,” May smiled, “his name is Thomas. Annie introduced him to me. He called me up for a date and I said yes and you mr. getting drunk everywhere ruined it. And you made me mad yesterday so in spite of you I asked him out to dinner.” Dan smiled as he kept eating, “and then you wouldn’t let me go so I didn’t and I didn’t tell him that I cancelled on him.” Dan nodded like he cared and kept eating. 

     “You don’t care do you?” May said.

     “No even a bit!” Dan said as he finished his breakfast and sipped the remaining tea. And the two had a long awaited breakfast together. It had been too long of a time to keep waiting for this. It seemed surreal to the both of them and neither of them could believe their luck. It was too much. Neither of them could have ever thought of this happening. Ever. That one morning, May would wake up and actually pay attention to the music on the radio and be slammed into taking interviews at the local festival. And while she’ll be taking interviews she’ll actually be able to meet Dan. And Dan never thought that with the amount of touring they did, it would have taken him this long to find her. But everything worked and now they were surrounded by each other. And no matter what, they would make this work.

 

     Dan wiped his hands on his jeans and checked the clock. May was putting everything back in the fridge as her phone buzzed again. Thomas really needed some answers.

     “I’ll get going.” Dan looked at her and she nodded.

     “Have a great performance.”

     “Today’s will be the best one yet, trust me.” May walked over to him and he pulled her into his arms and she looked up at him.

     “I’ll be waiting to hear good reviews.” May gave him a small peck on the cheek and pulled away. Dan walked towards the door and she called out to him, “what are the songs about your personal life before Bastille?” Dan turned to her and gave her a smug smile. One hand was turning the door knob.

     “You should know. You were really good at figuring out my lyrics before.” Dan said as he opened the door, “it’s staring right at you in the face.“

     "That doesn’t help!!” Dan chuckled at her as she pouted.

     “I’ll see you tomorrow! I’m going to make you skip work.” May rolled her eyes.

     “Yeah we’ll see if you can even make it here before I leave."  He gave her a wink and closed the door behind him. And as he left, her phone rang. It was Thomas again. She took a deep breath, sat on the sofa beside Dan’s jacket.  _Wait Daniel’s Jacket?_  May said to herself as she held up the jacket and smiled at herself.  _That bum forget his jacket. He’s definitely showing up tomorrow._ May chuckled at her thoughts and placed the jacket on the arm of the sofa. She turned her attention back on her phone and finally dialled Thomas’ number. She should apologize in person. After three bells he picked up.

     “Hey, is everything okay?”    

     “Yeah, everything is fine. I’m sorry about last night.”

     “No, no it’s fine. Something must have come up.”

     “I want to apologize in person. Are you…are you available today?” Thomas stayed silent for a moment.

     “Yeah. Sure. Tonight I’ve got nothing planned.” 

     “Great! Let’s meet up then.” Thomas gave her the address to the local bar and she agreed. They decided to meet up at nine for drinks and she could apologize to him and just tell him that she’d like to stay friends. It seemed like the perfect idea. At least he’d know face to face. But May’s got lots of time to kill so she decided to go on her computer and buy all the songs released by Bastille and go through their lyrics. If they were staring at her right in the face then she’ll have to figure out which ones. 

__________

     The performance Bastille had given at their gig was definitely their best one. All the three boys could feel how energetic Dan was tonight. They had two performances in the day everything was incredible. Meeting May had given Dan so much life, it was crazy. He was stomping on the stage, enjoying every bit of crowd surfing and every little tiny bit of it. He just wished that May was there in the front watching him and if she was he knew that he’d be crazier. Everything felt so unreal. The performance seemed unreal; him meeting May; him kissing May; them sleeping together and even them having breakfast together. He waited so long for these moments and he just wanted to share this with the world. But he just shared it with the rest of members. And they couldn’t be happier. They were happy that Dan finally found his love and that he was actually completely happy. There was no, half happiness. It was complete and utter happiness. 

__________

     May walked into the bar. There were tons of couples and singles just standing around with either a mug or a bottle in their hands. May slowly walked away from each one of them and looked around for Thomas. He was at the counter, holding a glass bottle of beer in his hands. The music was too loud so when May called out to him, he didn’t look. 

     “Thomas!” He turned towards her and gave her a smile. 

     “You made it!” He had a slur in his words, proving that he was a bit drunk. They were yelling at each other as they talked.

     “Yeah! Sorry for the wait!” she yelled back at him.

     “It’s okay, I had company!” He pointed towards his bottle.

     “I’m sorry about last night!” Thomas turned his ear towards her, “I’M SORRY!”

     “About what?!”

     “Last -. Can we go outside?” Thomas nodded and asked for another bottle and they made their way towards the parking out.

     “Oh that is better.” Thomas smiled and took a drink. May looked at his bottle and gave him a small smile.

     “I just wanted to apologize Thomas. About last night. Something had come up and I completely forgot to call you.”   

     “It’s fine. I understand.” May smiled at him, “I’m willing to wait for you.” He continued as he walked up closer to her.

     “That’s sweet of you but, I need to -“

     “Yeah, I can be a sweet person.” May looked at him. His words were starting to slur more, “but I’m not patient.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “You need to stop leading me on.”

     “Excuse me?” Thomas stroked the side of her cheek. May slapped his hand away.

     “I know you want this, then why cancel yesterday?” 

     “Look, I don’t want this, I just need to tell you that, I don’t want to take this too far. I just want to stay friends.” Thomas grabbed the back of her head with a tight grip and pulled her close. Her hair pulled in his grip and May tried to pull his grip away.

     “Friends…don’t stop yourself.” Thomas said as he pulled her face closer to her. He was reeking of alcohol and it was certain now that he was more than a bit drunk.

     “Thomas, let me go!” But her words wouldn’t stop him. He pulled her so close that they’re lips almost touched but this time rather than pulling his grip away from her hair, May shoved him to a wall and pulled away. His back hit the wall and he glared at her. She slowly started to make her way backwards but Thomas threw his bottle on the ground and sent a loud crashing sound into the air. May’s breath had heightened but she kept backing away.

     “You little bitch. You think you’re all that huh? That I’m at your misery, whenever you would call me I would be there. And you can cancel on me whenever you want and make me wait. Make ME wait! You little shit.” May started to walk faster backwards. Thomas had completely lost it.

     “Thomas, calm down. I’m sorry about everything.” May’s hands started to shake as she tried to grab her phone but he walked up to her fast as he grabbed her and slammed her to the closest wall.

     “You, you think that I need you? Tons of girls are lining up to be with me and you, you think you could just push me away?! I don’t need you. I could have given you the night of your life but no. You want to stay FRIENDS?! What a joke.” May’s eyes were starting to fill and she was just hoping that today was one of those nights that Dan was going to get drunk and he would come here. But no one was showing up. Thomas let go and he kept glaring at her.

     “Don’t want to take this too far, my ass.” May tried to keep away from him but his eyes stayed locked on her and he made a fist and raised it up. 

     “Thomas, I…I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking for -“ a scream left her lips as Thomas’ fist met up with May’s cheek. And again the fist hit her cheek. May kept her cheek covered with her shaking hands as Thomas wiped his mouth and walked back into the bar. Her whole body was just shaking, like her brain had stop working. Her cheek was buzzing and everything around her went numb. There was no more muffled music from the walls and sounds of the engines of the passing cars. It was just her and her shaking body and her numb cheek.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write something cute with Dan and May. And honestly, this is probably the worst it will get with Thomas. I hope you still like the ride so far! Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

     The walk back home was slow and quiet. Everything around May was numb, her cheek was starting to sting but she couldn’t feel it still. She was in complete shock and before she left she wanted to call someone. She wanted to call Annie about this boy she set her up with but her fingers wouldn’t stop shaking. She wanted to see Dan but she knew he was busy. They a lot of performances today. May didn’t cry at all when she was walking, she kept her head down and her eyes dry. The walk seemed like there was no idea to it, it just kept going. The streetlights seemed too bright and the people walking by her seemed too quiet. She didn’t know what to do as of this moment, her tears weren’t forming anymore and her body seemed so much heavier.

     But finally, May approached her door and with shaking hands she stuck the key in the keyhole and twisted it. Her door opened and her hand traced the wall to turn on the light. May skipped the bathroom and walked into her living room. She could just hear the ticking of the clock. Her cheek felt hot, but she had no idea on what to do. Should put on an ice pack? Should she put on a band aid? Was her band aid big enough? Her mind couldn’t find any answers to her questions so she just ignored them. Her eyes wandered around the room and she reached over to her radio and turned it on. May was getting tired of the silence. She would go crazy with it. Her ears finally settled in with the music coming from the speakers as she stood in the kitchen. 

     On came, Bad Blood. 

     Dan’s voice filled the entire room. The music bounced from wall to wall and into her ears. And she finally felt better. Dan’s voice was calming her down, he wasn’t singing to her but his voice seemed so gentle, so caring. Her body finally jumped in action and her still shaking hands reached around her self. Her hands searched through her pockets and finally pulled out the phone. Her phone came to life and she unlocked her phone, her eyes were starting to fill up with water with the anticipation. Her finger made it’s way to the contacts list and it scrolled up and up and then down and more down and up again. And there was no Dan. No Daniel. She didn’t have his number.

     “No, no. I can’t not have his number,” her fingers went on the caller history but she remembered, Dan never called her. “No no, Daniel. Why didn’t you give me your number!” The song was getting closer to the end but May threw her phone on the table and she reached for her landline and went through the caller history. Still there was no unknown number, no sign of Dan anywhere. She ran towards his jacket and searched the pockets. Any number, any way to contact him. But the pockets came out empty. Everything around her suddenly started to close in and her tears were starting to form.

     “No…Daniel…no,” her breath started getting faster and the song ended. May gripped the jacket around her hands tighter and walked towards the radio. The song changed and May turned it off. The house was again filled with silence.  The bruise started to hurt, it was getting unbearable. The pain started to finally hit her. Her eyes searched everywhere, for nothing. She needed his voice, she needed Dan. She needed his british, burly, strong voice. She turned on her computer and the playlist presented itself and she clicked play. 

     And again his voice started to fill in the void. It started off slow. The words bounced out from the speakers. Her hands held his jacket tighter. 

      ** _When you fall asleep, with your head on my shoulders…_**

     May bit her lip and kept listening to the music play. Her ears were stuck to the lyrics. She was working on figuring out the lyrics to this song before she left to meet Thomas. She just couldn’t put her finger on the words but the song was making sense to her. In her way, The song continued playing. 

      ** _When you play it hard, and I try to follow you there…_**

May’s eyes started filling up more. There were more tears and they started to streaming down her cheeks. Everything hurt. She was alone, she needed someone. She need Dan. 

      ** _But I turn back when I see where you go_**

     May put her head down on the arm of the sofa, her hands wrapped in Dan’s jacket and her eyes shut. Her tears kept falling and there was no way to stop them. Dan kept singing to her and she kept listening. She wanted her phone to ring, that Dan miraculously found her number and called her up. But there was no ringing just her sobs, the excruciating pain and the music is the background. 

     May woke up to the doorbell. Her music had stopped a long time ago and she didn’t even remember falling asleep. And she had fallen asleep on her bruise so the moment she leaned her head away from the sofa arm, her head filled up with pain. May shut her eyes to bear the pain and then the bell rang again. Her head still didn’t understand her surrounding for a second. Her hand went up to her cheek and it was like everything came back. She blinked away any tears and May sat up.

     The jacket was still in her hands, and again the bell rang.  _Daniel was coming today!_  May kept the jacket behind and she almost ran towards the door. But before she opened it she stopped. She couldn’t get him see her like this. Her eyes stared at the door knob and this time there was a knock.

     Dan knocked on the door. He wasn’t going to go anywhere. He wanted to see May. He had promised her that he would come today, she couldn’t have forgotten. Plus he was early, she couldn’t have possibly left for work. So he stared at the door in front of him and waited. And finally the door opened. 

     "Finally! I thought you forgot how to open a door!“ Dan smiled at May. She kept her head down as she held onto the door knob. She kept quiet. Dan took a step in and she quickly turned her back towards him.

  
     "Sorry I just woke up.” Dan could feel a fake smile flash on her face as she answered. And the tone seemed out of place. Something was up. She wasn’t even wearing any pyjamas, just her day clothes. May was acting distant. Too distant. Dan placed a hand on her shoulder and she stopped walking. May bit her lip and touched her cheek. 

  
     "M. Turn around.“ Dan stared at the back of her head slowly; ever so slowly turned towards him. But she kept her face bowed down towards the ground and her lip bit between her teeth. He placed his fingers under her chin and pulled her face up to meet his eyes. 

  
     And that’s when he saw it. May’s eyes had started to fill up with tears and Dan felt himself stuck. His hand moved away from her chin, but his eyes stayed locked on that bruise. That big red, dark bruise on her cheek. May’s eyes were staring at her feet as Dan’s big blue eyes had turned hard. They kept staring at her almost swollen cheek. There was no millisecond break where his eyes would stop to blink. His eyes were confused. They were angry. His fist clenched.  

  
     Dan was supposed to protect her. Even in their university years, he was her protection. Be it not in a physical sense, but he could be there to take a punch that could have landed on her face. He was supposed to protect her. Why couldn’t he protect her? And why she didn’t tell him? Why didn’t May find his number and tell him right away? Why did she let this happen? Why did she take so long to open the door, was she trying to hide it? Why didn’t May find him and run into his arms! MAY! But May kept her head down. 

  
     "M…” his voice could only let out a small sound. And that’s when she broke. She let out all her tears that she needed to cry last night in his arms. Dan wrapped his arm around her small body and pulled her towards him. She buried her face in his chest and he softly kissed her hair. He placed his other hand on her head and slowly stroked her hair and didn’t say anything. And May needed this. She needed to be against Dan, she needed that familiarity with Dan. May gripped onto his shirt and kept crying. Her eyes were starting to burn but she kept going. She was so scared yesterday. And now she’s so protected. 

  
     They stood there. Quietly. In each others arms. Dan had her arms wrapped around her and her fingers were gripping his shirt like it was her dear life. Slowly her knees started to give away and they both in sync kneeled down to the floor and stayed there. Her face was buried in his chest and Dan kept stroking her hair softly. His grip on her was strong yet gentle and he wasn’t going to give away. He let her go once. And not again.

     “Ready for some lunch?” Dan said as May came out of the bathroom. She was all cleaned up, her eyes were wiped cleaned and her hair stayed proper. May finally moved on from last night and decided to concentrate on the things happening at hand. Like Dan making her lunch.

     “Yes please, I’m starving.” May and Dan had sat in her bedroom the entire morning with her head on his lap and her eyes closed. She didn’t remember the sleep she had last night but this one was better. And when she got up he covered the bruise up with some bandage and she finally went in for a shower. Everything was falling in place. Dan placed the food on the table and she sat down. As Dan was about to sit in the spot beside her, May’s phone rang.

     The phone lit up to say Thomas. 

     May’s eyes stared at the screen as her mind went back to last night. Her body started to clench and she looked away. Dan picked picked up the phone and on the speaker end introduced himself.

     “Can I talk to May?” Thomas asked.

     “Why?”

     “I need to apologize.”

     “For?”

     “Can you give the phone to May? She needs to know that I’m sorry!” 

     “She doesn’t need to know anything you piece of shit.” May looked up at Dan and waved a finger at her to excuse himself and walked to her room. She couldn’t hear anything anymore but the tone in Dan’s phone when he talked to Thomas was different. It was rough and rude. There was a handful of anger in his tone and she’s never seen him that way. He seemed out of the norm.

     “He won’t be bothering you anymore.” Dan said as he walked back in.

     “What did you say to him?” Dan took a spot beside May.

     “Just gave him a piece of my mind, don’t worry.” He smiled at her and she nodded. As long everything about him was handled. 

     The entire day was spent in each other’s arms. But as Dan decided to go do some dishes May moved to her room. She pulled out the box that she hid behind her closet and scanned through the images that she had. May was gently putting the lid back on the box when he quietly walked in. May smiled at him as he walked over to the bed and rested his head on her lap and her hand got lost in his hair. Everything seemed so peaceful and perfect. Like the way they wished things would be. May still couldn’t believe her luck, she knew that Dan was coming today, but after yesterdays breakdown she knew how much he mattered. She needed him in her life.

     “I figured out some lyrics.” May said and Dan looked up at her.

     “Did you?”

     “Yeah, I loved them…they’re so perfect and -“

     “And you.” May blushed at the thought of all the words that he say that connected back to her. The thought was sweet and perfect. It seemed like a scene out of a movie. That boy writes about his girlfriend in hopes that she’ll find it and understand it. But May, never thought of looking. But now that she has, she wasn’t disappointed.

     “Thank you, Daniel.”

     “For?” He looked at questioningly.

     “For still being in love.”

     “Are you?”

     “I always was.” May said quickly, “there never was a day when I wasn’t.” Dan looked at her and she kept staring back him. Her cheeks started to redden and he sat up in front her. His hand palmed her unbruised cheek and she closed her eyes and he leaned in; kissing her. It was a soft kiss, a gentle kiss. A kiss that was long overdue. May’s world just went up in fireworks and her arms flew up around his neck. She slowly leaned down on the pillows of the bed and they never broke the kiss. May cupped his face and his hand creeped under her shirt. Her one hand held onto handful of his hair as the other tried to reach for the covers. And as May covered them with her covers, her mouth let out a small moan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are both finally getting some happiness with each other. Thank you so much for still continuing. Your support means so much to me. I hope you are still liking the things! Let me know your opinions!


	9. Chapter 9

     May’s eyes slowly fluttered open. The sun glazed through the thin curtains and filled up the room with the right amount of light. It was warm but calm. Her eyes slowly opened and finally they focused on the view in front of them. It was his closed eyes. Dan’s peaceful, almost smiling closed eyes. May’s eyes blinked for a few moments and finally the view was completely sharp and in focus. She felt like she was dreaming like it was one of those dreams she always had.

     But as May’s hand softly touched Dan’s cheek, there was a spark of reality like her entire body knew everything was real.

     Everything from yesterday came rushing back to her head. When he walked in; when he bandaged her bruise; when they ate together; and their night together. May’s other hand tugged on the sheets around her as a small shy smile took over her face. May kept her eyes locked on him and her hand moved from his cheek to his hair. His hair was an absolute mess but it still managed to stick up from all the different sides of his head. His strands stayed locked in her hand and the little moments from last night flashed in her head. Like when his kisses became intense and her toes curled and the grip of her hands tightened on the strands of his hair. May bit her lip as the feeling ran along her spine and shut her eyes. 

     Dan’s eyes blinked opened and his eyes started to get settled to the surrounding. The room was bring to them and slowly they focused to the image in front of him. They focused to May’s blushing face and her bowed eyes. His eyes turned into a smile and he finally spoke up.

     “Hey,” his voice had a gentle touch to it. It was soft and sweet. Her eyes slowly moved back up towards his and the blue in his eyes sparkled in the sun. His eyes looked like they could bright up the whole town; they were so vivid and big. May felt like she could just loose herself in his eyes and never regret it. Dan blinked his eyes and May smiled; as if coming back to reality.

     “Good morning,” May whispered. Dan wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

     “How was your sleep?”

     “I think, it was the one of the most relaxing one I’ve ever had.” May said as she kept her buried near his bare chest. 

     “I agree.” Dan kissed her hair and she looked up at him.

     “Today seems like a lovely day.”

     “Oh yeah, it does. You’re in my arms, I’m in yours and we’re surrounded by nothing but bed sheets. I think its very poetic.” May felt like her cheeks warm up. 

     “You flirt.”

     “I know and I love it.”

     “You bum.” May kept smiling at him and he kissed her. They leaned their foreheads together and for a second they just laid there lost in each other’s touch. And then the alarm clock sound filled up the entire room. 

     “Ah shit! I need to get ready for work!” May turned towards the alarm and turned it off. She wrapped the blanket around herself even more and tried to sit up. But as she got up, Dan held her wrist and pulled her down.

     “No no you don’t. Today is a day off.”

     “What are you talking about Daniel. Today’s Tuesday. Give me the blanket.” Dan held her close to him, without any way of letting her go. 

     “No.” Dan shook his head.

     “I need to get ready.”

     “No. If you want to go to work then you’re gonna have to leave the blanket behind.”

     “Excuse me?”

     “I’d approve of that.” May looked at him and he kept smiling. “I love you in all your clothes, but I got to say. This outfit look best on you.”

     “DANIEL!” Dan snickered at himself and her cheeks kept getting brighter and redder. She gave him a look and tried to get up again but Dan pulled her down and went on top. He kept a smug smile plastered on his face and she gave him an annoyed look.

     “What do you want?”

     “Well, you.” May opened her mouth to say something back but at the next moment, she shut her mouth and bit her lip. Dan knew how shy she got and loved that about her. The way she would ball up in her shyness. It was sweet. It made him love her more. May’s eyes bowed down as the intensity of Dan’s eyes peered through her.

     “You’re not letting me go are you?”

     “We have four years to make up for, M.” May smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, planning on blackmailing him.

     “Fine. It’s not like you have a gig today.”

     “We’ve got all morning, don’t worry.” May pulled up and buried her hand in his hair and kissed him. Dan kept their bodies close and slowly all the time around them disappeared. And the entire home echoed with their voices. 

__________

     “Daniel? Can I ask you something?” May said as she walked into the kitchen as Dan was cooking brunch.

     “What’s up love?”

     “Do you still that that bracelet?” May flashed a picture at him. Dan stared at it and smiled and nodded. It was a small bracelet that May had made Dan. It was cheesy but it was sweet and he really treasured it.

     “I do, but it almost kinda broke.”

     “Kinda broke?” 

     “Around the time of our first tour, when we got separated. It got a small rip in it and then when the tour was finished it just kinda gave away.” Dan pulled out his wallet and pulled out a thin string of colours with a rip going through it. They looked so worn down and weak. Like the bracelet was asking to be saved. May looked at it and smiled. 

     “But you still have it.”

     “Well, you know. I couldn’t let go of it,” Dan was about to put it back in his wallet but May took it out of his hands.

     “I’m gonna try something.” May went back to her room and came back to the dinning table with a box. Dan smiled at her as she tried to fix up the bracelet to bring the back the bright colours it once held. The entire time, as Dan something to eat May kept quiet and engrossed in the bracelet. Until finally Dan came and sat next to May. She moved the bracelet fixing away from the table to his wrist.

     “I want you come to the gig together.”

     “Hmm?”

     “And during sound check. I want you to be there.” May nodded as he talked.

     “May?” 

     “I’ll go wherever you take me, Daniel.” Dan smiled at her as she kept her head bowed down towards his wrist. His kissed her hair and she finally pulled away.

     “What?”

     “It’s fixed.” Dan looked at his wrist and there it was. Beside his watch there was a wrap of thin colours around his wrist. She had added an extra colour to it, it was red and it was like the bracelet got back it’s old bright feeling. There was no wear to it anymore, it looked so strong and so perfect finally. Dan turned his hand around to see the entire thing and the end there was a thin knot, holding everything together. He had this smile on his face that just screamed how happy he was to have her back in his life. Everything around him suddenly seemed brighter, more vibrant. 

     “It’s perfect.”

     “I know.” May smiled as she took a bite of her food, “when are we going?” 

__________

     Dan walked on stage, gripping onto his mic. He kept talking into the mic, checking on all the sounds and the echo that came from the speakers. May sat in front of the stage; completely in awe of everything happening. She had called in sick after they finished eating and then May and Dan drove towards his gig location. There were people running back and forth, wires appeared from different areas, sounds were blaring from the speakers. Everyone was getting ready for the concert tonight and the entire venue was full of life.

     May loved how far Dan had come. She remembered when her and Dan would go in the basements of different bars or cafes and he would perform there. But this venue was huge, there were so many things happening. Bastille had come so far in their career and May couldn’t be more proud. 

     Dan and her hand stayed entwined and her fingers touched the newly wrapped bracelet around his wrist. Dan felt proud that he was finally able to show May how far her support had brought him. But now he hoped that he could shower her with enough support that she could continue her dream. 

     The boys ran up on stage, going through their last few checks. May sat facing the stage and she was completely engrossed in their sound checks and their little jokes they spoke into the mic. She loved how close they were. She was happy how strong they were. Everything about them made her so proud. Her entire mind was completely lost in them until her phone vibrated in her pockets. She shuffled through her jacket and finally pulled out her phone. The screen flashed Annie’s name. May left out a small sigh and looked up at Dan flash her phone at him and walked away to somewhere quieter.

     May slid her finger across the screen and put the phone near her ear.

     “May! Oh I’m so happy you picked up!” Annie exclaimed on the other end.

     “Hi, Annie.”

     “I got worried, you haven’t shown up on work for the past two days. Everything okay?”

     “You should ask Thomas.”

     “OH! I knew it something happened!! What happened on Friday? I’m sure something good. How much time have you spent together, you two better be safe -

     “He punched me.” Annie went silent.

     “W-what?” her voice was almost a whisper.

     “He got drunk on Sunday and hit me. I don’t think there is any need to be safe.”

     “Oh god. May. Oh gosh. I am so sorry. I never thought that…that jerk. May, I’m sorry. I never knew -“

     “Annie. It’s fine. It’s not your fault. Just next time, please remember to be careful when you set up someone with someone.”

     “May, I’m sorry.”

     “I have to go. I’ll see you soon.” With that May shut her phone off and let out a sigh. Her hand went up to her eyes. She hadn’t realized that she had started to tear up. The thought of Thomas hitting her came back in her head. That image was so vivid and sharp that it took her a moment to came back to reality, May wiped her face and came back to her spot. Dan looked at her and gave her an encouraging smile. Like he knew what had happened. Like he knew that she just wiped her eyes and almost cried. She smiled back at him and quietly sat down. 

     Dan took in a deep breath and cleared his throat. The soft music slowly filled up the room. It was slow and sweet.

     “Alright Dan, from the beginning.” He nodded in response and soon after Dan’s voice completely filled the entire place. It was melodic. It was what May’s ears ached for. Her eyes closed and her ears started perked towards the music. Dan sang his lyrics and May kept listening. 

      ** _And I hear you calling in the dead of night…_**  

     May opened her eyes and saw him looking at her. His eyes were staring right at her. His entire attention was stuck to her. Like all he could see was her. Like he was telling her that he knows what she’s thinking. Dan smiled at her. He was finally able to sing to her. To make her listen to his words. To his voice. Live. After all these years.

      ** _Oh I feel overjoyed…_**

**_When you listen to my words_ **

     May kept her eyes locked on him during the entire sound check. As if she looked away, she’d lose him. This moment is one thing that she could never let go off.

__________

      ** _All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?_**

     The concert had started. It was loud, there were screaming, waving arms and more cheers. May was in the front of the entire thing. The boys had told her that she could stay backstage but she couldn’t miss this live moment. This moment May was waiting for when they would have their first live concert and she would be the front cheering the loudest. The boys were completely absorbed in the music. Dan seemed to even more energetic than any other time they had performed.     

      ** _I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore_**

     It’s always hard to look around the crowds at concerts. Dan tries to keep is eyes focused to the furthest person standing. But today his eyes seemed to keep finding May and her eyes were locked on him. Wherever he moved, her eyes bounced with him. Wherever he jumped, her eyes followed him. 

     The boys went from song to song. To different songs. To louder crowd screams. May was lost in the lyrics, she knew the lyrics so she also sang along. She was a part of the crowd. She screamed when they screamed. She cheered when they cheered. She even made videos. May snapped photos. She was a complete fan in that moment and she loved every bit of it. 

     And finally they played the song. The song that May completely knew the meaning of. She knew what the song was saying. She knew who the song was for. And during this song, Dan had his eyes completely stuck on her. His eyes didn’t flutter away; instead they stayed locked on her. And this was the song where her eyes bowed down in nervousness. She was shy. _You bum. What are you doing!_ May looked up at him and smiled back at him. 

      ** _We brushed our hands right back in time through centuries…_**

Their eyes locked. Everything around them had disappeared and it was like the spotlight shone upon those two. May had completely lost herself in his lyrics. She had completely forgotten about all the bad. About all the wait. She forgot about the years she spent away from him.

      ** _You said: I’ll see you in the future when we’re older_**

The words started to feel heavier; that they held so much more meaning that just some lyrics. The audience was singing too. They were also pushing beside May but there was no feeling other than the feeling that Dan had in his eyes. Dan had a small smile on his face; like it lighting up her world.

      ** _I’ll see you with your laughter lines._**

     May felt her cheeks full up in a smile. Her lips formed into a smile and that the moment Dan flashed his biggest smile. His dimple filled smile appeared on his face as her face lit up in a smile. Like he had accomplished what he was hoping for. 

     The concert continued. The music kept blaring through the speakers. Dan had already entered the crowd and went back on stage. May was just waiting now that it’ll be over and she would run up on the stage and wrap her arms around his neck and hold him close to her and just shower him with love. The boys performed some of their newer songs. The songs that May hadn’t heard yet. So she kept her ears perked towards Dan’s voice so she could catch every word and analyze the meaning. That she could out the meaning of every word he sang. 

     Dan cleared his throat and stole a small glance towards May. It was quick and small. Like he was checking up on her. Dan always didn’t want to sing this next song. He knew that May would figure out something about this song. But then, maybe she wouldn’t. The words maybe won’t connect and they wouldn’t make any sense. 

      ** _You go sleep with the fishes_**

     Everything seemed normal. The song started off and May still had her smile on her face.

      ** _These’s no room for you here_**

     Her eyes narrowed towards the lyrics.

    **_Send my regards to hell._**

     May stared up towards Dan. Dan kept his eyes away from May, as far they could get away from her. 

  **_I can hear your pulse racing from here_**   

     He tried to keep himself consumed with the lyrics but Dan could feel May’s eyes piercing through him. 

**_Fall, beg and plead_ **

     The lyrics slowly started to click. Like they were almost making sense. May was slowly starting to understand the song. She didn’t know the song. She didn’t know what made Dan write this. But she knew; she knew what he meant. Her teeth almost dug into her lip to keep her from fuming. Fuming couldn’t even be the right word. She was hurt.

      ** _Don’t pin it all on me_**

     May’s eyes kept locked on Dan. She couldn’t believe the words. And Dan just couldn’t wait for the song to finish. He needed this song to over and the concert to be over. So then he could walk over to her and explain this song. And finally the song finished. He said the last six words and as he took the mic away from his mouth he looked over to May. And May wasn’t staring at Dan, not even glances. Just a straight quiet stare towards the stage. She was pissed. Dan knew it.    

     And May was angry, she definitely was. There never was a moment in the entire four years that she blamed Dan. Her thoughts were always filled with her blaming herself. And today, today May knew how much Dan blamed May. How much he didn’t believe in her, instead thought she moved on and she was going to have fall upon knees, while taking all the blame. Rather than hugging Dan and showering him with love, May wanted to cry. And yell and scream and walk away. How dare he. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They were being a little bit too cute don't you think? The angst is just starting.  
> Thank you for continuing!


	10. Chapter 10

     “May, wait!” Dan called out to May as she fast walked away from him.

     May quickly turned away and started to make her way away and out of the venue. She was angry and hurt. There was frustration just  building up inside her. But May knew that she was more hurt than anything else. The words Dan used could obviously be just for a song but there was a meaning behind it. The meaning that told May how Dan felt. She felt so betrayed; she did not want hear a word from Dan and just wanted to run to her car and cry her eyes out. She already felt like it was all her fault, she didn’t need to hear it in a song.     

     “M! Listen to me, please.” Dan kept rushing after her. She wouldn’t turn around or stop. Instead she started walking faster. But Dan wasn’t going to give away either. He finally had a chance at fixing their relationship and he couldn’t let a song ruin what they were building.

     “May!” Dan called her out again and reached for her wrist, stopping her and pulling her back. She fought for her wrist and pulled her hand back as her fingers gave a small tug to the bracelet; but she stopped moving. Dan came in closer but she just backed away. So Dan stood still but kept looking at her.

     “May, please let me explain. It’s an old song. All the meaning that was in that song is gone.” May looked up at him, matching his eye contact. 

     “Old song? Really, Dan? You think I’m that stupid. I know how old this song is.”

     “I know this all looks bad. But don’t tell me that at least once you never got angry. That one day you felt you’re tired of waiting.”

     “I did, Dan. But you know, during those days I always blamed myself. That this was all my fault. I kept asking myself ‘Why didn’t I just turn back on that day on the airport and run into your arms? Why didn’t find any other way to contact you?’ Every time I blamed ME. My dreams blamed ME. And you go and write a song and tell me to not pin it on you!” Dan looked down but May wasn’t finished. “In this four years, Dan, I never pinned it on you, so you don’t have worry about that. But the blame was always on me. So thank you. Thanks for telling me that you think the same.”

     “Look, M, I’m sorry. Something came over me and I wrote the song. But are you saying that you are going to put this in front of the day we spent together? You’re going to give this song more importance than the last few days?” May stood quiet. Dan was right. This was a song. But so were the other songs. Should she just give the good happy songs more importance?

     “I wouldn’t do that. The last few days have been the best days of my life. But Dan, you’ve written other songs and we give them such importance because it’s what you think I want to hear. And this song is now stupid because I’m mad.”

     “May you’re just looking too much into the lyrics. They’re just songs! Just a bunch of words. Nothing else!” May stared at his face. A bunch of words. The words echoed in her head. So why did he take the moment to stare at her when he sang his other songs. The songs that he claimed were about her.

     “Songs that you wrote from the deepest depths of your heart. That’s what you always told me! So don’t even give me the crap that “they’re just songs!” Dan took a deep breath. Just apologizing isn’t going to take him anywhere.

     “May, listen. What it comes down to in the end, isn’t whether I blame you now or not, but that you left without telling me and left me broken for four years. I kept wondering why you didn’t care enough to tell me where you went, why you left. That’s what hurt me. You’re saying, me writing a song hurts you, angered you. But I was left alone for four years in my thoughts thinking about what I did wrong to push you away. Everyday for four years, I thought ‘What could I have done differently so you wouldn’t leave like that?’. And you’re saying a SONG that’s four MINUTES long made you this mad?!” May’s eyes widened as she stared at Dan. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He kept so many things for such a long time and finally, today he was able to tell her. 

     “Dan…I told you why…”

     “I understand you’re mad at me, May but how many times? You got mad at me when you found out that I slept with so many women but do you know why? Why would I do something like that? How could I do something like that? Because I was trying to fill up a void. A void that was you. I needed you but all I could have was one night stands. I needed to get you out of my mind that’s why I did it.” May could feel her eyes tear up. Her entire seemed like it was breaking down.

     “I…”

     “Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with songs when one person takes over your mind? May, you say that you blamed yourself everyday. I was consumed entirely by thoughts of you every day. You say that you always questioned yourself on why you didn’t turn around at the airport. I always questioned why you didn’t come back. Or if you were happy. If you found someone else and if they are treating you better. I always questioned myself on what I did so wrong that you could never come back or never tried to come back.

     "May, do you realize how easy it sounds when you say you blamed yourself?!” May’s eyes kept staring at Dan and Dan kept staring back. But his expression was filled with pain and anger. “When I tried to write songs, everything was about you. Each page, each word. You have no idea how many pages I ripped up because they belonged in a letter not in a song. There were days where I couldn’t write anything because all I could think about was YOU! These four years have been terrible for the both of us I know. But May, love, you can’t get mad at me for a song.”

     “Are you…so the song was -“

     “It’s true. I do. I do blame you, May.” It felt like the entire world around May just crashed. The ground under her feet had disappeared and her knees were giving up. Dan was right. Blaming herself was easy; so easy that it came upon her to ever think about how Dan could ever be feeling. And she got mad at him two times already and they just met a few days ago. She made it so simple for herself. That once she had a blame on herself nothing else mattered. But Dan. He was hurting and obviously after a while he would blame her. She would blame him if she was in his place.      

     “But, May even if I do -“ there was a voice from behind Dan and his entire focus went over to it. May didn’t need to know what else he had to say, she knew this was it. This was what it came down to, and there was no fixing it. Deep down, Dan would always blame May for what happened between them, and they both knew they would never be the same because of it. She knew she should leave. There was no reason for her to stay anymore. Nothing more could be said, nor did she want it to be. But still, May stayed glued to the spot. It was like if she moved, she would break. Nothing in her was strong enough to move her back to her car. The voice kept talking to Dan and he nodded.

     “I…I have to go.” May gave him a small nod and he turned away. Dan knew the damage he had done wasn’t fixable. There was no way to undo but some things need to let out. She looked so broken but if he had pulled her in for a hug it wouldn’t have meant anything. So he turned away and walked away,

     As he walked away, the bracelet slowly flew down on the floor and away from his reach. But May reached down and picked it up. Everything she had done was broken. 

\-----

     “We’re packing up already?” Dan said as he walked in back stage. 

     “Yeah, we have to leave now if we want to be on time for our next venue.” Will replied.

     “Did you say bye to her?” Kyle asked and Dan’s face nearly fell. He didn’t. He didn’t even think about there ever being a bye. Instead of telling May that he has to leave, he broke her heart.

     “What did you do, Dan?” Kyle stared at his look. Dan shook his head.

     “It’s too late now.” The three boys stared at Dan as he started to help load up the things on the tour bus. They knew that May was mad. But all they wanted was for them to be happy. And together. Something had happened and even though Dan won’t let that affect the band it affected him. And the boys will definitely press him about it later. 

     May gripped the bracelet as she entered the door of her home. There was silence in the entire home, she couldn’t even hear the ticking of the clock. There was absolute silence and that was what she needed. That was what she deserved in her head. Her eyes scanned around the room and she realized how easy she had made her life for herself. She had a few pictures of her and Dan but she had so carefully put them away.

     She knew the name of Bastille and she could have easily searched them up. Something would have come up. She could have searched up Dan Smith; something would have shown. But no, she had made everything so simple for herself by pushing all the thoughts of him in the back of her head. She had told herself that Bastille had failed like Dan had always told her. She had hidden all signs of Dan in her closet. Her life was Dan free. Excluding her dreams and her memories. 

     But even then she had pushed everything away. Of course, Dan would blame her. He had no answers. Instead for her, she knew the answers he was looking for. She had instead threw away any question she could have had. She took the easy route and blamed herself. Like she was doing herself and her thoughts a favour. 

     May leaned her back to the wall and slowly slipped down as her tears also fell down. She had ruined any chance she could have had with him. For the last four years, she at least did one thing right. She kept hope. But from this moment forward, all sense of optimism and any sense of self-worth she had ever felt had completely disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can't all be good right? I hope you're all still liking it! Please do share your opinions!


	11. Chapter 11

     It’s been two days. Two days since everything broke down. Since May’s entire world crashed. And its been two days since she saw Dan. She knew that he was gone; they had a tour to finish. All she wanted to do was turn back time and make everything better. But it’s been 48 hours; nothing was bound to happen. So May started her usual morning routine again. And went back to work. 

     But with one difference, she wasn’t going to turn on her radio. Ever. If there was going to be any kind of mention of Bastille, she wasn’t going to hear it. May had told herself that she was going to stay in the silence where the words of what Dan had said would echo in her mind. The words where he told her that he blamed her. That all this was her fault.

     And now she finally realized how Dan felt. Her entire mind was filled with him. And with how to fix things, or what could she have done to have this all ended differently. Dan was right, its hard concentrating on anything when thoughts like that stayed in your mind. It was like a shiver constantly went up her spine and more thoughts of Dan would enter her mind.

     He had been in the house for two days but the entire house was full of him. May would look at the sofa, and the feeling of Dan came back. Of how he held her; of how he smelled and how he left small kisses on her forehead. And then near the doorway, she was constantly reliving the hug that Dan had given her when he saw her bruise. She kept thinking about how tight he held her and how her tears soaked in his shirt. May didn’t even want enter the bedroom. Everything was Dan. 

     May just wanted to stay her entire day at work.

     “May,” Vince came up to her. Her fingers stopped typing on the computer and her eyes turned up towards him.

     “Yes?”

     “Is everything alright?”

     “I thought you said that you don’t care about your employees feel.”

     “Well, yes. But unless I’m worried that it could affect their work, then I care.” Vince kept looking at May and she looked down. They were talking in hush tones but she couldn’t help it but feel that everyone was staring at her.

     “May.”

     “It’s nothing to worry about Vince. Personal troubles.” 

     “May, you didn’t came to work for two days and when you did you had a barely visible bruise on your cheek. I realize that I’m a boss but if someone hurt you, you need to do something about it.”

     “Vince, please.” He let out a sigh and nodded.

     “Alright, May. I’m very happy with your work, so whatever it is that happened or is happening, don’t let it affect your work.” May nodded and Vince gave her another look and turned away. May sighed and went back to her computer but her fingers shook as they landed on the keyboard. There were tears building up in her eyes. 

     Her life was coming apart.

 

     Annie looked over at May. She was sipping her tea with her eyes stuck on the computer screen. Her fingers were typing away fast on the keyboard. May wasn’t showing any sign of taking a break or even looking at anyone. Annie completely felt this was her fault. Of course, having to deal with Thomas in that way, would push a person towards this state. And she couldn’t just leave May alone like this. And plus Annie couldn’t imagine May being mad at her. May never gets mad, May always smiles at everyone. This is all Annie’s fault.

     Annie walked over to May and tapped her shoulder. 

     “May.” May kept staring at the screen.

     “Hmm?”

     “Can we talk?”

     “About?”

     “Just come with me.” May finally looked up at Annie and she pointed towards the kitchen. May grabbed her mug and they walked over to the kitchen.

     “Whats up?” May asked as Annie took a deep breath and looked at May.

     “Is everything alright?”

     “Whats up with you and Vince asking the same question?”

     “I’m worried. It’s been two days and you haven’t said a word.” May sighed, “May, I’m sorry about Thomas. I never thought anything like that could happen. I hope you can forgive me; I really am -“

     “Annie, none of that was your fault. I forgive you; really.” May smiled at Annie, “Plus I’m fine now.” 

     “You sure?” May nodded and Annie let out a loud sigh. That was a huge relief. Annie smiled back at May.

     “Alright I think we should go back.”

     “You go on ahead, I’m gonna get some water.” Annie nodded and she went back to her spot. And May held her mug as different thoughts entered her mind.  _Thomas._  The name kept repeating in her head. May took out her phone and scrolled through their contacts. She had his number; obviously. She called him. She kept scrolling down to the T’s but there was no sign of Thomas. Her finger went up the screen as her eyes scanned the list. But her finger caught a name. It wasn’t Thomas’ name. It said Daniel. And there was a picture with it too. A selfie to be exact. May stared at it and finger was ready to press the call button. So many ideas just ran through her head. Maybe she can call him, and apologize. She could call him and ask him if it’s possible to talk. She could call him and ask to restart all this. But she couldn’t. She had put Dan through so much that didn’t even deserve to call him. May didn’t even deserve to have his number, let alone talk to him. So her finger turned off the phone and she walked back to her seat and continued working.

__________

_Dan’s wrist was stretched out towards May. Her fingers were fiddling with strings and knots. Dan kept his other hand holding a pen and his eyes were staring at the plain paper. Recently, getting signed by a record deal meant writing more songs. And Dan was stumped with writers block. All he could think about was about the old music he wrote. And May was bored, she wanted Dan’s attention but she knew it would be so wrong to bother him. He was doing something he loves and he had to give it his best and give it his all. So she decided to make him something small and sweet for his hand while he pulled out his hair with his other. ‘_

_“What are you doing?”_

_“Shh, concentrate on your paper.”_

_“May.”_

_“Shhh!!” Dan smiled and turned back to his paper. He had a few words typed out but none of them were making sense to him. So he flipped to another page and started again._

_“LOOK! It’s done!” May held his wrist in her hands and looked at the colourful bracelet. Dan looked at his hand and finally saw what May was meticulously doing. It was a ray of colours. The ones that popped out more where the green and yellow. It was thick but the perfect size. It had was tied together with a small knot at the inside of his wrist. It looked handmade but it looked so precious._

_“May, are you 10?”_

_“What do you mean?!” Her face was in a serious pout._

_“Ten year olds make this!”_

_“I put so much effort into this and that’s what you say!” Dan smiled at himself as she kept complaining, “you’re terrible. I hope don’t write any good songs!” Dan snickered as she complained and pulled her in for a hug._

_“Aww, M. I love it you know that.”_

_“No, not really I don’t.”_

_“It’s really cute, I do love it.” May blew a raspberry and pulled away, “I’m just gonna have to prove myself don’t I?” May crossed her arms and nodded at him._

_“That’s right.” Dan got up and stared at her. And she stared back. He came in closer and May stood her ground._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“About to prove how much I love you.” May raised her eyebrows and started backing away and Dan slowly followed and May quickly ran towards the bedroom with Dan right at her heels. Soon enough the entire place was filled laughs and Dan had finally gotten his well deserved break from trying to write music._

 

  
“You sure you didn’t see my bracelet anywhere?” Dan questioned the boys.

     “It wasn’t on your hand when we were leaving the last venue.” Will said and Dan ran his hands through his hair. He had never lost that bracelet. It was always in his wallet. He always had it near him. And he couldn’t have possibly lost it now. Dan had searched through the entire bus, in his suitcase and then in again in his suitcase. But there was no sign of it anywhere.

     “I can’t believe I lost it.” Dan almost felt like pulling his hair out. He had realized he was missing the bracelet when they were already halfway away from the city. When they were halfway away from the place where he had finally met May and fallen in love with her all over again. 

     “Maybe, May saw it?” Will said. And the entire scene from two days ago replayed in his head. The face that was on May’s face. The tears. It was all his fault. He wanted to go back in time so he wouldn’t bring up anything about blaming anyone. He just wanted to go back to her and hold her in his arms and protect her. She cried because of him and he just stayed and watched. 

     “Yeah…May could have…”

     “Do you have her number?”

     “She has mine.” 

     “Dan.”

     “I forgot to ask. Then it was too late.”

     “Alright look, how about you call her work? They’ll have her number or maybe she’ll pick up?”

     “I can’t. I can’t talk to her.” Dan shook his head and again ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t talk to her. Not after that. She probably hates him. He made her cry, he hurt her.

     “Dan, we get it. But you need to realize that the conversation had to happen. It was important for the both of you that it had to be said.” Woody said. Dan stared down just quietly listening, “it hurts. We get it but talk to her. At least get her number.” 

     “Here, I think I have the company’s name. I’ll find the number.” Kyle piped in.

     “No no, Kyle don’t.” Kyle took out his phone and dialled the number.

     “Say hello.” Kyle put his phone beside Dan’s ear. Dan sighed and held onto the phone. The tone rang and rang and Dan quietly listened. 

     “Hi, Entertainment News, how may I help you?” the voice on the other end said. Dan took in a deep breath.

     “Hi, is there a May Watson there?” 

     “Hmm… she’s on her break at the moment. I can take a message, I’ll pass it over to her.”

     “No no, don’t worry. I was wondering if I could get her number. She had given me her business card but I’m an idiot and lost it.”

     “Ah, don’t worry about it. I’ll find her number right away.” There was clicking in the background and complete silence on the other end. The woman on the other end clearly read out May’s number and Dan wrote it down. As he ended the conversation, Dan stared at the number. He had her number; he could call her at anytime. He should just call her right away and apologize for his behaviour. 

     But no, he couldn’t. She probably wouldn’t even pick up the phone. May could be absolutely angry at him. He hurt her feelings and he just left like that. He wouldn’t take his own call. 

__________

     May sat in front of her screen. Annie’s conversation hadn’t left May’s mind. Thomas’ name hadn’t left her mind either. For the past two days, May had been constantly thinking about how she had completely done so much wrong. She didn’t deserve love from anyone. Especially not Dan’s. May knew how much she hurt Dan, maybe it was unknowingly but it was hurt. She had hurt him. She never tried hard enough to find him, to find a way to talk to him. May had all the money to fly to London and go to their apartment. May could have visited that place and maybe she could had seen Dan quicker. 

     But no.

     She stayed home and kept working and kept burying Dan in her mind. She didn’t even deserve Dan anymore. May stared at her phone. Her mind was wandering. Nothing was making sense. May’s hand landed on her bruise and her thoughts went back to the night where Thomas was drunk. May knew that she had broken Dan’s heart. And she only deserved one person.

     “Annie?” May called out to her. 

     “What’s up?” Annie turned around to her and smiled.

     “Can I have Thomas’ number?“ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for May, I do but I do want angst so I hope you guys like it too! Thomas is coming back, this will be good. Kinda.  
> No. Not really. But I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> And I've been saying a lot of "I" in these notes but honestly, its a group effort. I still haven't figured out how to add links on here yet, but when I do, you'll know the link to my co-writer and planner. She even made this wonderful banner that I have yet to figure out on how to link it here.   
> We hope you're enjoying the story! Let us know your thoughts!


	12. Chapter 12

**One Month Later**

 

 

     The tour was starting to come to an end. And then entire time, Dan hadn’t called May. He had her number and he had dialled it numerous times but he couldn’t click the call button. The digits kept staring back at him but he couldn’t push himself so much to actually call her. Days went by as he wouldn’t even hold his phone in his hand. Because he knew all his attention would be stuck on his phone. He wanted to text her. he wanted to tell her that he wanted to talk to her. But the screen would just stare back at him and he would never be able to type anything. 

     And May was trying to move on. She was trying to forget about Dan. So she decided to give another boy a chance. It’s been a month and she was trying to much to like him. May was trying so hard to be happy with him. That he would make her happy and make her completely forget Dan. But even after more than 30 days, there was no hint of love growing from her. She kept telling herself that she will and that this is her life now. Because, this was she deserved. She was settling with him and slowly, doesn’t matter how long it would take her, she would fall in love with him. And she would let him make her happy. Because May knew that he was the best she could do. 

     The boys had started to get so fed up--in the most concerned way possible. They knew that Dan had her number. That he could call her up whenever he wanted. They saw him always staring at his phone screen but not really doing anything. His fingers were always ready to call her, or text her but his fingers were always frozen. He hadn’t been able to write songs, nothing was coming to him. Dan just wanted to write sad sappy songs and the boys knew that he was trying, that Dan was helpless. But they couldn’t let him just go on like this. They knew that he needed to hear her voice. The tour was almost over, which meant them working on new songs on new lyrics. But Dan had become the modern day Romeo.

     “Call her.” Kyle said for the nth.

     “No.”

     “Call. Her.” 

     “Kyle, no.” 

     “She won’t bite you from the receiver.”

     “But she could not want to hear my voice.”     

     “And then you could call her again. Or text her.”

     “No.”     

     “For God’s sake!” Kyle said and Dan looked away. Will smiled at the two of them. They had tried this so many times but there was always the same end. Dan would groan and sigh and just stuff his phone in his pocket and walk away. He hadn’t drunk any drop of alcohol, he hadn’t gone to any bar. He hadn’t even tried to flirt with anyone. It was like Dan had completely lost himself in his thoughts.

     “Just call her for him, Kyle.” Will said and Dan stared at him.

     “What?! NO!” Dan said with wide eyes.

     “I can do that.” Kyle reached for Dan’s phone and Dan tried to slap his hand away from touching the phone. But Woody grabbed Dan and Kyle held his phone. His finger scrolled through the contacts and clicked on May. And finally there were rings on the other end.

     “Got it!” Kyle put it next to Dan’s ear and he held it in his hands.

     “You idiots.” His hand was about to rip the phone away from his ear but a voice answered. A male voice.

     “Hello.” The voice spoke.

     “Who is this?”

     “You called me. Who are you?”

     “I called the owner of this phone. Who are -“ Dan’s eyes widened. His eyes looked at the boys and then to his phone. He put his phone back to his ear, “Thomas.” He would know that voice anywhere. Dan could feel a smile on the other end.

     “You’re that band guy aren’t you?”

     “Dan.”

     “Nice to talk to you too, Daniel.” Dan could feel himself cringe.

     “Dan.”

     “Right right of course. How are you, _Dan_?”

     “Why do you have May’s phone?”

     “Dan, that’s such a silly question. How would a person get another persons phone? Think about it.” Dan felt his entire body lock. 

     “You better stay away from May.”

     “We’ve gone too far for me to stay away from May.”

     “Yeah right, like May would be sleeping with a loser like you. You hit her and I was the one that was there to make her feel better. There’s no way she’d be stupid enough to go back to you.”

     "But who’s the one thousands of miles away and who’s the one waking up next to her?” Dan opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. Thomas was right. He was the one who left when he left May vulnerable and available. But she couldn’t have gone to Thomas. She knew better than that.

     “I swear to God if you touch her again I’ll be there in 2 seconds and I’ll kill you.”

     “Oh, I’ll be doing more than touch her.” Dan could feel his fist tighten as Thomas kept talking.

     "If she has a single bruise, cut, ANYTHING -“ Thomas stopped him mid sentence.

     “Dan, she’s a smart girl. I think she learned her lesson after the first time. I don’t have to use physical influence to get her to do what I want her to anymore. The thought of what I could is enough. Who knew a little punch could do me so much good? She’s quite a girl, my May. Isn’t she? ” Dan felt like his entire body was shaking. He was talking about May. His May. And Dan couldn’t say anything back to retaliate. Dan couldn’t punch, couldn’t hurt him. Dan couldn’t even move. It was like Thomas’ voice had knocked him out. He was hoping that Thomas was done. “It’s such a shame you haven’t had her in such a long time. If I had to go more than a day without getting my hands on that little body of hers…”

     Before Thomas could continue, Dan threw his phone across the room and look in a deep breath. His hand ran up through his hair and his other hand finally unclenched. The words kept echoing in Dan’s head. He couldn’t believe. He wouldn’t believe it. May would never. She’s a strong person; she knows better; so much better. But Thomas did have her phone. And he was talking about her. Dan tugged on his hair and paced back and forth. He was angry and he was hurt. But he still couldn’t believe it. May wouldn’t go back to Thomas. No matter what Dan would say to her. Dan let out a loud groan and flopped on his bed, burying his eyes under his arm. This was all wrong.

 

     May took out a travel mug and stood in front of the coffee machine. Her hair was loose and her body looked weak. Like she still needed more sleep. She had over working at work and then Thomas had been very demanding. All she needed was more sleep and a really good cup of tea. But all her tea making skills had gone down the drain. She would sometimes forget the milk, or the water, or she would add in salt. Or she would completely forget the tea bag. Even her coffee skills were ruined. Whenever she would try to make a coffee for herself, she’d forget the coffee beans or the mug or just forget the fact that she was making coffee. 

     Her face looked tired. There was no blush on her face, no colour. As if she had forgotten the entire way of putting on make up. The dark circles under her eyes always screamed at her to get more rest, to try harder. To just sleep and take a day off from work. But her nights were always sleepless. Either she’d be awake in bed thinking about how to impress Thomas more, or how to feel happy with him, or how to fall in love with Thomas. Or sometimes she’d stay wide awake in her bed thinking about Dan. Thinking about weather she should call him or send him a message. Or how he may be doing. If he has been getting enough rest. And if he’s writing more songs. Or if he misses the bracelet. But either or, her nights were just sleepless and she deserved sleep.

     At the moment, she stood in the front of the coffee maker waiting for it finish brewing. May couldn’t make coffee for herself but when it came to making it for Thomas, she tried her utter best to impress him. That he would like the coffee. So she kept her entire attention locked on the coffee.

     “The guy from that band called you.” Thomas said as he walked in. And there went her attention away from the coffee to his voice. To that voice that she actually liked listening to. But this time, her ears were perked to what that voice said.  _That guy from that band. Daniel. Daniel called._  May’s hands were shaking as she started to pour the coffee in the travel mug. But her mind was stuck on the thought that Dan called her. He called her phone.

     “MAY!” Thomas yelled as the coffee spilled out from the mug and on the floor. Her eyes blinked back to Thomas and her thoughts came back.

     “Ah! Ah…I’m sorry. I’ll fix you another cup. Sorry,” May quickly put the coffee back in the machine and while shaking tried to turn the machine back on. Her hands kept shaking and her mind kept wandering. She tried to make a fist but that fist kept shaking. May’s hands reached for the coffee beans but her hands kept dropping them.

     “Sorry…”May cleared her throat.

     “Forget it. I have a meeting to get to. I’m gonna be late.” Thomas sighed and grabbed his coat and she looked at his tie. It was loose. But he was the director. No one would care for him to walk in with a loose tie. But if it was Dan, May could imagine herself hoisting herself on her toes and reaching over to fix his tie. And then Dan would loosen it again and she’d have to fix it again. Dan.  _Daniel._

     Thomas walked out from the kitchen and on his way bumped into May. She kept her eyes low and waited to hear the door click. They hadn’t moved in together but Thomas spent most of his time with her in her apartment. Even thought Thomas had a bigger, more spacious apartment and way more chances of getting something so much nicer. It almost made her feel that Thomas could actually be trying to make this work. But she was still stuck on Dan. May knew that she had to end this. But she needed to hear Dan’s voice again.

     After cleaning up the mess she had made with the coffee, she walked over to the table and picked up her phone. Her hands had stopped shaking but her heart was beating hard. Her finger went over to the call history and her eyes softened when the name DANIEL came up on top. He did call her.

     

     Dan could hear his phone ringing. The sound slowly started to fill up the room and he groaned as he got off from the bed and went over to pick it up. He froze from a few seconds. Her name had filled up the screen. But he quickly clicked the button and put it to his ear. The entire conversation from before had erased itself and he was more than ready to hear May.

     “May!” 

     “Dan-.” May said softly but she blinked back to reality, cleared her throat, “Dan.” She corrected herself. Dan bit his lip and took her voice in. She sounded so tired. 

     “Hey.”

     “Hi.” May wanted to say so much. She wanted to tell him so much and she wanted to apologize and ask him to come back. But as of this moment, she was more than happy to hear his voice. That husky voice she had fallen in love with. That sweet burly British accent was sweeping her off her feet. But, no. That wasn’t why she called.

     “How are you?”

     “I’m…good.”  _Daniel I need you back._ Her thoughts screamed.

     “Why…why did Thomas pick up the first time?”

     “You remember him?” 

     “Of course, I’d remember that voice anywhere! May, why did he pick up the phone?”  _Daniel. I’m sorry._

     “I…he’s my…we’re dating. He was in the apartment and I must have been in the washroom and didn’t hear the ring. So he -“

     “You're  _dating_ him?!” May was silent for a second. Dan sounded disgusted. 

     “…Yeah.” Dan felt like May just punched him in the gut and all the air got knocked out of him. He stopped breathing for a second like he had frozen on the stop. 

**_Bad news like a sucker punch, what do you say?_**  

     “You’re dating Thomas. The guy who punched you?”

     “Yeah.” It was like there was a lump in his throat. Like he wanted to talk but he couldn’t. It was taking hint to form any sort of word. 

     “May…why?”

     “He’s not that bad, Dan. He was drunk during that time so it kinda just came over him you know. He’s a nice guy.” What was she saying?!

     “How do you feel about him?”

     “I…” May cleared her throat, “he could be the one.” May was almost ripping his heart out of his chest and squeezing it as she was gripping it out. His blood was boiling but also frozen. His breath was slow, his eyes were almost popping out of the sockets. There was no more sound around him. It was just complete shock and silence.

      ** _Air knocked out of my lungs want you to stay_**

     Dan stood there with the phone in his hand and his mouth a bit open. There was no sound coming out from his mouth. No words were forming. There were tons of different kinds of phrases and words in his head but they were making their way to his mouth. He stood there for a second, still taking in all the words from May. 

     “May…I…don’t force yourself. Just -“

     “I’m not forcing myself.”

     “I know, but just don’t.” Dan wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t near Thomas. That Dan was still there for her and he wants her back in his life. But she was with Thomas. Dan couldn’t imagine why would she even think about Thomas being the one. He was supposed to be the one. Dan knew that there has to be another reason was why she making this decision.

     “I’m happy Dan.” Dan shut his eyes and took in those three words. She’s happy.  _She’s happy with him._  He ran his fingers through his hair and stayed quiet. 

     ** _That it kicks you in the teeth when you are least expecting_**  

     And soon the conversation ended. May ended it first. She turned off the phone first. And Dan sat down, quietly and in shock. He didn’t understand what he heard. What May said hurt him so much more than what Thomas could have ever said to him. 

     The paper on the notebook flipped up in the wind. Dan’s eyes stared at the paper and the pen. He had to write a song. And it was like a light bulb went up in his head. He knew how to convey his emotions. He wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t drink, wouldn’t punch a wall. He was going to write. And he grabbed a pen, clicked it to point its nib at the paper and started scribbling.  

      ** _Bad news, oh, it beats you black and blue before you see it coming._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've stuck all the way till here! So, we thank you and express our love, honestly. But please don't be nervous to leave your opinions! We'd love to hear all about it! 
> 
> It's nearing the end, hint: grab some tissues.


	13. Chapter 13

     The call had become a wake up call for May. She regretted what she said to Dan, it was an encouragement. It encouraged her to change something about herself. Dan’s voice still echoed in her mind. His tone still played in her head. It was like it was screaming at her. That she’s already done the damage to Dan but she should try to change something. Dan may still blame her but he was worried; which meant he cared.

     After the phone call with Dan, May started to change. Her dark circles were clearing, her shaky hands were stopping. She was going back to how she was before she started dating Thomas. She still didn’t say no to Thomas but she started to look for new housing. In London. Away from Thomas, from her parents, from this life. And closer to Dan. She wasn’t expecting to meet Dan; she wasn’t even planning on telling Dan. But the thought that Dan could be proud of her now was more than enough. May kept quiet about this to Thomas. She knew he would do something to stop her. And she probably would have stopped if he tried to stop her. So she kept her mouth shut and worked silently. 

     For the next few weeks after that phone call, May focused all her mind and energy on moving back to London. She tried to find a place near their old apartment. Her boss already knew and he was trying to find her a new job. Only he and May knew about this. That was all needed.

     “You sure about this May?” Vince said as May sat in the chair in front of him.

     “I am more than sure, Vince. I need this.”

     “Are you going to family?”

     “No.” Vince looked at her and sighed.

     “Well, I have found something for you, a similar job like this one. It’ll be an easy transition.”

     “Vince, listen. I’m really happy that you’re supporting me with me; but I really need a change.”

     “So no job.”

     “Not this one. I want to follow my dreams and this job will get in the way.”

     “When are you leaving?”

     “Tomorrow, it’s a late flight. I’ll get all my work done and then tomorrow I can come for good byes.”

     “No no; do the good byes today. It’ll be easier for everyone to say it now.” May nodded. She needed to say bye to Annie. And Jim. She didn’t know how to say anything to anyone. It was an impulse. It would sound like an impulse. But she had to do it. And May was more nervous to say bye to Annie than to Thomas. Thomas she can handle but not friends. There was a reason why she didn’t tell Annie anything in the first place. She didn’t know how to tell her. May knew Annie would be angry, but nervous and sad and all the three emotions would happen at the same time. 

     May walked out of his office and Annie looked up at her. After May had told Vince about her move, she had constantly going back and forth in his office. And Annie was starting to get suspicious but May wasn’t giving her a chance to ask about her suspicions because she knew she couldn’t answer her. But today was different. 

     “Annie…can we talk?”

     “Yeah sure what’s up?”

     “Let’s go to lunch?”

     “Oh yes! I’m starving! I know a great place.” May smiled at her as Annie grabbed her jacket and purse. It was a nearby cafe so they both walked over.

     “You’re gonna love it there. The coffee there is great.”

     “I can’t wait!” The two girls entered the cafe and ordered. They walked over to an open table and set down their drinks and food.

     “So tell me.” May took a small sip of the coffee.

     “I…I’m moving.” Annie stared at her.

     “Apartments?”

     “Well partly yeah, that but -“

     “I know a great place near my place.”

     “I’m moving to London.” Annie stared at her in mid sip, “I’m leaving tomorrow.” Annie finally put her cup down and cleared her throat. She was quiet.

     “Annie.”

     “Since when?”

     “It’s been in my head for a while, I was considering it but I'm finally going through with it.” Annie looked away.

     “Have you told Thomas?”

     “No. I’m telling him tomorrow or just leaving without telling him.”

     “Is it because of him? The boy from four years ago.”  _Daniel._  


     “Yeah.”

     “Good. That’s better than Thomas. Do you need help packing?”

     “No, I’m mostly done.”

     “I’m gonna miss you.”

     “I’m sorry Annie. I was -“ Annie waved her hand at May and she stopped talking. Annie had every right to be mad. And she was. May stayed quiet and they had their lunch in silence. 

__________

     Dan checked the time for the nth time. He was going to have a phone interview tomorrow. Key word, tomorrow. And he was nervous today. It was for their new song. The song that he had written after his phone call with May. Dan had never felt nervous but this song was special. It was more meaningful than Blame. And he knew that they were going to ask about the meaning behind this song. He didn’t have any explanation other than it was for May. Other than the fact that this song was about how he felt when he heard about May and Thomas. 

     But he tried to stay calm and kept trying to come up with different explanations. He was sitting in his apartment in London and staring at his phone. He wanted to call May. So she could hear the song. So she could understand his feelings. But again, he couldn’t push himself to click the call button. So he turned to the photos in his phone and started scrolling through them. He had knowingly added some pictures of them. After getting his phone stolen he had no idea how to get any kind of picture back. But he went through his online profiles and found the important ones. And he tapped on one photo and stared at it. It was them before his first gig with the entire band. They looked so happy. She was kissing his cheek and smiling that dimple smile that May loved so much.      

     “I miss you.” Dan whispered at the picture and laid down on his bed.

__________

     May entered her apartment and let out a small sigh. She came back from a dinner with Annie. Everything was good. She was happy that May was leaving to achieve her dreams and she was more happy that she was finally leaving Thomas. The day May had asked for Thomas’ number, Annie thought it was to yell at him or anything but asking him for dinner. Annie had told May so many times to leave Thomas. She had seen May’s decline in health and even though there was no bruise there was still pain. And Annie needed May to get out of that. So after spending the rest of the working day thinking, Annie invited May for dinner. And they talked and laughed and hugged and Annie was more than happy to let May go. The girls had decided that Annie would take a day off and tomorrow they would work on sending most of the bigger boxes through shipping so they would arrive at May’s new place. 

     May dropped her keys on her table and she walked into her room. She pulled out the box that was full of Dan’s memories and started to go through them. After she started dating Thomas, she never had time to scan through them. Which could have been a good thing but she needed to see him. At least see his university self. So now she held the few pictures in her hands and flipped through them. She had even gotten a few pictures printed from her phone. When May had left for her job opportunity, she had packed very few pictures of them. And usually a person never packs any pictures but in her gut she felt like she would need them.

     She was right.

     And then the ring of her phone filled the house.

     “Hello.”

     “Hey, it’s me Thomas.” May held back a sigh.

     “How are you?”

     “I’m fine. But I won’t be coming over tonight. I have to handle some business files so; I’ll see you tomorrow after work.”

     “Alright take care of yourself.” May almost screamed in happiness. This was going to be easier than she thought.

 

     “You ready?” Annie asked May. They were standing at the front of the door with May’s suitcase in their hand. They had emptied her apartment. They had taken most of the furniture to the local recycle bin; neither of them had time to just sell it. And May wanted to start over. It was a huge step but when was Dad’s money going to come to use. The remaining furniture and boxes went to the oversea movers. 

     And now it was time to actually go to the airport and leave behind this apartment. 

     “Yes.” May’s phone buzzed again and she ignored it. She knew it was Thomas. Thomas had called countless times today. He called at lunch time. She ignored it. Then he called two hours later. And again she ignored it. And now it was almost seven and he called again. May wanted to only keep her attention on Annie and on the fact that she was moving her furniture overseas. 

     The two girls finally came out of the room and May handed the keys to Annie. They had returned the car to the dealership and the only keys she had left was the apartment. It felt weird to let it go. But May smiled at herself and walked out. Annie’s car was parked out in the front and while Annie went to take a call, May opened the trunk of the car and started to stuff in the suitcases.

     There was a sound of a car door shutting behind her and May heard a few footsteps behind her.

     “Annie can I drive -“May said as she was turning out to the footsteps but she bit her tongue. It wasn’t Annie.

     It was Thomas. And he was pissed.

     “Drive away? Are you too busy to take my calls now?” his voice was loud and demanding. May’s breath got heightened and her eyes saw Annie appear from behind Thomas. Even she had stopped mid-step. Neither of them were expecting him to come so soon. Thomas handled his own company so he always comes late but not today.

     “I’m leaving Thomas.”

     “Excuse me?” 

     “I’m moving.”

     “What makes you think you can do that?” His eyes looked so angry. Like if he got his hand on May it wouldn’t end well. May clutched the car keys in her hands tighter. If Thomas can show anger so can she.

     “I can make my own decisions.”

     “Just because I get busy for a few days you think you can do what you want.”

     “Yes. I’m not your bitch. I can do what I want and I’m moving. I’m leaving you.”

     “No one leaves me.”

     “Well, surprise. I am!” There was anger boiling in Thomas’ eyes and May’s grip kept getting tighter on the keys. Annie was slowly making her way towards the car. 

     “You’re asking for it.”

     “Asking for what? You can’t do anything. If you could then you would have succeeded in making me fall in love with you. But no. You couldn’t. You only made me hate you more. And now I’m ending it. All you know is how to wave your money and attitude around. That’s why no one really loves you.”

     “You bitch.” Thomas was on the verge of pulling up his fist and hitting it across her cheek again. But May knew that tone. She already knew what could happen. So she pulled up her fist faster. The one that was clenching the keys and hit her fist across his face. And the keys went along her punch and left a cut on his nose. May’s eyes widened as she stared at Thomas stammer back while he held onto his nose.

     “May. MAY!” Annie screamed at May and she jumped back to reality. She quickly sat in the car and Annie slid into the passenger seat and May started the car and off the went. She left back Thomas. She left a mark on Thomas. Her heart beat had heightened and it was like her body was shaking. There was a sense of urgency in her body. May turned on the radio and let the loud sound fill up the car. Annie stayed quiet and let May take in her actions. 

     The sound was slowly getting louder.

      _ **Bad news like a sucker punch what do you say**_  


     May felt her lips pull up in a smile. The voice kept singing. Her mind slowly started to calm down and finally take in the surrounding. She punched him. And now she was driving to the airport. And Dan was singing on the radio.  _Wait. Daniel?_  May listened to the voice on the radio more. 

      ** _Don’t turn your back on me_**  


     It was Dan. It’s been so long since she heard his voice. So she listened. It was a new song.

      ** _That it kicks you in the teeth when you least it expect it_**  


     Her eyebrows narrowed.  _What is he singing?_  


_**People fill the streets like nothing has changed**_

     And it was like the phone call started to replay in her head. May knew it. She knew what he was singing about. 

      ** _I feel like I’m being consumed_**  


     May bit her lip. It was about him. About how he was feeling. About how May made him feel.

      ** _Oh it beats you black and blue before you see it coming._**  


     The song stopped and the airport arrived. May parked the car and turned off the radio. 

     “You punched him.” Annie said. But May was stuck with the lyrics. She hurt Dan. She should have told Dan the truth that she missed him. But instead she told him that Thomas was the one. And he took it as a punch.

     “Yeah. I did.” May smiled. But if Dan were to find out about her punching Thomas he would be happy. He would be proud. She fought back with Thomas. Dan would feel better about this. She took in a deep breath and smiled. Dan may not know that she punched Thomas but if he did. He’d be happy and that made her happy. 

     “A great way to leave for London.”

     “I agree!” 

     

     And she was off. May said her good bye to Annie. Gave her one of the tightest hugs and Annie let down a few tears. But wiping her eyes, May gave her another hug and she slid her suitcase towards the terminal. And finally May was so much closer to London, to her dreams, and to Dan.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there! Thank you so much for sticking around! We promise it will be worth while and as always please do share your opinions.


	14. Chapter 14

     Settling in London was difficult. May didn’t know what she was expecting but it was hard. May didn’t have a job yet and she felt like a couch potato. She was hearing Bastille a lot. People were talking about Dan a lot. It was as if everyone was telling her to talk to him. To make him notice her. People were talking about bad_news. They were analyzing every aspect of the song and May wanted to scream that it was about her. About he felt when he talked to her. But no, she would still quietly on her laptop scanning through jobs.

     Annie had called her.  It was early morning for her; meaning Annie’s clock was hitting time around midnight. They had been calling each other for a while now and Annie had been constantly telling her to call Dan.

     “Hey.” May smiled as the call connected.

     “Don’t hey me, did you call him?” Annie demanded. 

     “I’m doing great so far; thanks for asking.” May smiled.

     “Oh shush, I know you’re fine! Did you call him?”

     “What would I say, Annie?”

     “Uhh, something like ‘Hey, remember me. I kinda followed you back in London cause I may love you and now I want to see you.’ You know.”

     “I didn’t say I loved him.” 

     “Its obvious that you love him, May.” May kept quiet. She didn't want to admit it, what if he didn't love her back?

     “May, we both know you said you went to London to follow your dream yes? But that's not all is it?” May let out a quiet sigh. She knew why she came here. It was so obvious but she didn't want to say it. 

     “Cause you love him.” May smiled at herself. She liked how it sounded. That four letter word holds so much weight. And May knew that she never really thought 'love' but she knew that she loved him. Of course she loved him. Then why would she wait for four years for him.

     “Annie. What if he doesn’t love me like that?”

     “But do you love him.”

     “I do.”

     “Well! I don’t need to hear that! Call him and tell him!!” May sighed and nodded at the phone and agreed with Annie. She was right. Dan deserved to know that May was here. He deserved to know how she felt.

     “Fine.”

__________

     The day was coming to a slow end and Dan was on the verge of leaving the recording room when his phone buzzed. And then it buzzed again. He unlocked his phone without really checking the notifications and tapped on messages. Kyle was saying something to him but Dan’s eye wide open and everything went silent. 

     The message was from May. She had messaged him. Thoughts flooded his mind with the worst scenarios. Why is she messaging him? Did Thomas do something, wouldn’t she call him?  

     Dan's breath quickened by just looking the contact name. He hadn't even read the message yet, but the thought of May texting him threw any proper response out the window. The boys realized Dan’s expression and they stopped to look at him. Dan took a deep breath and his eyes read the message. And it was like he was given a sudden push oxygen. All the worry just disappeared. But now there was confusion.

**“Meet me at Trullo tonight at 7. I’ll explain when you get there.”**

**“Please do come.”**

     Two texts. And that was it. Dan knew where Trullo was. He took May there. She loved the food there and he loved the wine there. He took her there when Bastille had got a record deal. He had took her there on their anniversary. That restaurant was special to them. Dan looked at the boys and they just smiled at him; and he was off. He sat in his car and drove off. It was going to be a drive but Dan could just feel like it was going to be an important drive. He was going to have to be there. May messaging him about Trullo could mean only one thing. 

     She was here. 

 

     May stared at her phone. She had the urge to text him again. But no, she couldn’t because if she did then she would end up telling him everything. And she needed to do that in person; face to face. May needed to see his face. She sat at the corner table and kept her eyes at the door. He was probably too far away; he was probably still driving over. Maybe he should have texted her back like he was coming. What if he wasn’t coming and May was just waiting for nothing. What if Dan never even saw the text? She’d still be waiting for nothing.

     The bell rang to the door and May’s eyes wandered over towards the sound. Dan was walking towards her. He looked so tired, so out of breath. Like he ran the entire way here. He fast walked over to her and stopped in front of her. 

     It was like time had stopped. It was like they were meeting each other for the first time. Dan’s eyes were soft, they were taking in every little detail about May. It had been almost two months since he saw her. Since he held her. He wanted to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her towards him and kiss her. But he stood there; numb. Like he was expecting to find a bruise. May stared at Dan. She was quiet but her eyes were about to fill up. She missed him, she missed that quiff, she missed those glasses, that small scruff; just absolutely everything about him. 

     “Hey.” Dan smiled at her.

     “I punched him.” It was like the smile was wiped cleaned from his face. _Him._ Dan knew who that him was. Why did May even bring him up? It was like all the anger came back to Dan. The anger he felt when May told him that Thomas could be the one. Dan let out a sigh and sat down. He didn’t show any happiness or any other anger. He just pulled the seat closer and looked at her.

     “Wasn’t he the one?” May bit her lip and sat down.

     “I…I was lying.”

     “That’s obvious now, May.”

     “I know…but I need to tell you why.”

     “When would you like to tell me then?”

     “Dan please don’t be angry I didn’t -“

     “You didn’t what, May? You didn’t want to hurt me? You realize lying to me hurt me more. You realize when you told me that Thomas could be the one how worried I was? May if you didn’t…if you wanted to move on then there are better boys than -“ May interrupted him.

     “I thought I deserved Thomas.” May wasn’t angry, and Dan was just frustrated. 

     “Deserved Thomas?”

     “After you told me about how you spent those four years; I felt like I had it so easy. So simple. That even though I didn’t move on, I still didn’t have to live every thought of you. I knew that you were okay and I thought that because I didn’t come back you had moved on. I made it so easy for myself. You…you were flooded with questions with thoughts with worry. And I just accepted the fact that I couldn’t come back and continued on.” All  sort of frustration was gone from Dan’s thoughts. Any sign of anger had disappeared. He almost hated himself now.

     “May…”

     “You blamed me. And you were right. I blamed myself too. I started to blame myself and now, I thought that the only person I could deserve was Thomas.”

     “May, I may have blamed you before but I don’t. Anymore. I love you. May, I love you more than to ever to put blame on you. What I said after that concert was true, I did blame you. But that was when I felt so angry when I didn’t have answers. But I need you May. I need your love. I had completely forgotten about blaming you. That song had just become a song.” May stay quiet, “Love, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I pushed you away like that. I wasn’t clear. I was so tired of you getting mad at me in the small time that we had. I’m sorry that I let out my feelings like that. That blame is on me. So we’re equal.“

     “What?”

     “You carried the blame four years ago. And the blame of pushing you towards an arse like Thomas is on me.” 

     “So you’re not angry at me?”

     “OF COURSE NOT! Oh gosh, love, babe, I love you! Any anger that I had on you four years ago is so long gone that I don’t even remember it anymore. That week we spent together two months ago meant so much to me than that stupid song.” He loved her. _He loves me._  


  
_“_ You what?”

     “I don’t care about that song -“

     “Not that. Before that.” Dan smiled at her.    

     “Do you expect that after four years I wouldn’t love you?” May smiled at herself and looked down. _He still loves me._  


     “But May. What about you? Thomas or -“

     “NO! Oh god no! Never! I love you. I only love you, Daniel Smith.”

     

     The date was quiet. It was sweet. It was a dinner date. Those two words were mutual in between the two of them. They knew it was a dinner date; and it felt like they were starting over. It was as if this was their first date. Dan whipped out his wallet and paid the bill.

     “Thanks for coming.” May said as they got up.

     “I couldn’t have not shown up.” May smiled at herself as they walked out, “which way are you?”

     “It’s really close by, don’t worry.”     

     “I’ll walk you.” May nodded at him and they started walking slowly, very close. May kept her head down, there was a small smile on her face and she just wished that this moment would last forever.

     But Dan kept walking next to her. He was confused. He wanted to hold May’s hand but he also wanted to stuff his hands in his pockets. But he wanted to hold her. So ran his hand through his hair and let out a small sigh. May stole a glance at him. He looked so helpless. Like he was having clashing thoughts. She reached over to his hand and quietly and quickly she entwined her fingers with him. 

     The entire walk was quiet but peaceful. It was nice. There was a soft wind and everything seemed so perfect. And they finally arrived at her apartment.

     “This is me.” May stopped. Dan looked up at the apartments. He smiled.

     “You live alone?”

     “Yeah; I didn’t before but I felt like maybe it was time now.”

     “That’s a good change.”

     “Yeah definitely.” May gave him a smile and he took a deep breath.

     “Listen…I don’t usually do this. But…” May looked at him and he leaned down closer to her face and locked lips with her. May’s eyes closed and her arms wrapped around his neck and Dan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. And suddenly everything seemed so much better. And perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost the end! I have no idea how or why I picked the Trullo. When I found it, it seemed like the right choice. I hope you liked the chapter! Let us know your thoughts!


	15. Chapter 15

     “Dan, you sure you’re ready for such a huge commitment?” Woody said to Dan seriously.

     “What do you mean?”

     “Well, it’s like you just met her yesterday.” Woody smiled and Dan let out a small laugh. The boys and their girls were going on a road trip. They were going to drive up to Leeds and Reading for the festival. And Dan wanted May to see it. They had been there before, four years ago and May had enjoyed it and so had he. Plus he wanted to spend so much more time with her. He wanted to hold her hand, watch other people perform and dance with her.

     “We have a connection.”

     “That’s what all newly in love people say.” Will said, “and then they all regret it.”

     “Oh did you?” Dan questioned Will as he put on his jacket.

     “Well no. But then again I didn’t say that we had a connection on the next day. But you, I say, be careful.”

     “Ah shut up!” Dan laughed and fixed his glasses. May was probably waiting for him, “I’m gonna go.”

     “See you on the road. You better be on time!” Woody called out after him and Dan rolled his eyes and sat in his car and drove off towards May.

__________     

     The drive to Leeds wasn’t quiet and it wasn’t awkward. It was sweet. Dan was at the drivers seat and May was flipping through the different CD’s. They were happy. And they were in between Kyle’s and Will’s car. The entire group was going but they wanted to separate from each other but with each other at the same time. Plus the boys had made this plan a while ago and Dan was on the verge of saying no. But now that May was here, with him, he had to take her. He had to spend time with her. He wanted to spend time with her.

     “Why can’t we listen to Bastille.” May asked as she put the CD away.

     “I don’t want to hear myself sing! I sound like an idiot.”

     “If you had sounded like an idiot then how did you manage so many fans?”

     “I don’t know; why did you become a fan?”

     “Cause! Your voice is so dreamy and I wanted to be surrounded by it the entire time.”

     “Liar.”

     “Oh shush, it’s true. Ask anyone.”

     “Oh I will. Call Kyle.” May rolled her eyes.

     “We both know he’s gonna take your side.”

     “Alright, call Will or Woody. They’re gonna take my side too. So I have more people to back me up.”

     “Well, you’re driving and I’m in charge of the music.” May took out the CD and put it in the car radio and turned up the volume. Dan groaned and kept driving. 

     In between the driving, Dan reached over to May’s hand and held it tight in his hand. His eyes were stuck on the road but his thumb was softly stroking the back of her hand.

     “I’m not letting go of it now.” He whispered and May felt her cheeks burn up. She wasn’t going to let go anymore either. No matter what could come their way; be it a fight or someone. She wasn’t going to let of that hand. 

 

     The festival was loud. It was full of people. Stages were full of equipment and crowds. The entire group had arrived around the middle of the festival. They wanted to see as many bands as they possibly could. Each girl held hands with her boy. And even though May knows Dan for so long she was still shy. It was her second time at a festival with Dan. And it was feeling like a second date. Like they really were starting over. Her eyes scanned the entire area. She looked at the crowds, at the friends giggling away and the couples. 

     And she remembered how she felt about couples two months ago when she was interviewing bands at the music festival. She didn’t want to look at any of them. She had felt angry, with so much of jealousy. But as a couple walked by her, May reached over to Dan’s hand and entwined their hands together. There was nothing to be shy about. She can possessive of him. Dan followed May’s gaze as her eyes followed the couple and her hand tightened around his hand. He couldn’t help but smile about it. She wanted to show everyone that they were back. They were together again. Dan brought up her hand and laid a soft kiss on her hand and all of a sudden her eyes went to the ground and her cheeks flushed. 

     Every little moment was important. They even remembered to take photos. They had to get an entire new set of pictures. Every picture they had of each other was four years old. Dan’s quiff was a different size then, May’s hair was also shorter. Dan looked like an university student and May hated her make up from those pictures. So Dan and May would pick a spot and take a picture. Or Dan would snap a photo of May when she wasn’t realizing. He wanted to capture that smile that he loved. He wanted to capture that look in her eyes that he loved. The way her eyes would go big when she would see something sweet or something she loved. He wanted to capture it all in his camera roll. 

     Dan and May stayed away from the rest of the group. They wanted May and Dan spend time alone. With just each other. So during the festival they walked around, hand in hand. Having a small kiss here and here. Some Dan would wrap his arm around her shoulders or she would hug his arm. But the entire time they were together. They were dancing to their favourite songs. They screamed out Vampire Weekend’s lyrics. They bounced up and down on their toes. They shared more soft kisses during the music. 

     It felt unreal. Like May needed to pinched. It felt like one of Dan’s usual dreams. Everything seemed so dreamy. But they kept close, they were only breath apart. It had to be real.

     “Guys come on, time to eat. I’m starving.” Woody said as the group walked over to their cars. It was starting to get late and even though all of them weren’t tired, May was starting to miss her bed. 

     “I’ve got the beer!” Kyle brought out a box and started to hand them out to everyone. He reached to May and smiled at her, “you’re May right?”

     “I believe so.”

     “Ah! Finally, we actually get time to talk. I’m Kyle.”

     “I know that much,” May smiled, “Bastille’s all over the internet.”

     “Right right of course. You know Dan never shuts up about you.” Dan cleared his throat.

     “Kyle!”

     “As if singing about you all day, every day, wasn’t enough. He talks about you non-stop!”

     “Oh yeah! I agree. It’s always about, oh her smile. It was so sweet.” Woody piped in.

     “And how cute her tattoo is. And her hair so soft.” Will continued. Dan sighed and rolled his eyes.

     “You idiots!”

     “Oh wait wait; he got so drunk and started saying something like ‘Her eyes were my light. They are so big and bright. I always got lost in her eyes. Like I could spend all day staring into her eyes! They were so -“ Dan shoved Kyle to shut him up. May looked down to cover her smile.

     “They’re just playing around.” Dan tried to calm down the small giggles.

     “Mhm, of course.” May smiled at him. Dan looked at her and ran his fingers through his hair and looked down. _Oh gosh, these idiots._  


     “Let’s go.” May nodded and smiled at the boys as Dan held her hand and took her away.

     “Oh no no! Dan don’t take her away!” Kyle called her after them and Dan just waved a hand at him. 

     “Wait wait!! Stop!” May laughed and stopped walking.

     “They’re just joking. They’re just idiots. I swear, I don’t know what they’re talking about. Just babbling on those -“ May went on tip toes and kissed him and Dan shut up. His eyes went wide open and May cupped his face in her hands. His hands held her waist and pulled her closer. And for the next few seconds, everything was numb.

     And finally May pulled away.

     “Who is babbling now?” Dan let out a laugh and covered his face.

 

     After the last performance, the couple was gone. May was almost falling asleep so they waved bye to the group and they were off. Dan stared forward and May slowly fell asleep. Dan smiled at her and turned off the radio and turned on the air conditioner to give her the most calm and quiet sleeping experience. He stayed quiet and May stayed asleep. 

     When they finally arrived at her place, Dan softly patted her shoulder but she didn’t move. She mumbled a few words and leaned her head back on the window with her eyes closed. Before they had gotten into the car, Dan had given her his jacket and she pulled the sleeves closer to her hands and stayed silent. Dan shook her head at her and started the ignition again and drove away from her apartment and arrived at his place. He unbuckled her seat belt and carried her up to his bedroom. May pulled her knees to her chest and Dan placed the blanket on top of her. But it wasn’t until Dan laid down next to her that May was truly comfortable in her sleep. He squeezed closer to her and her head was on his chest and his arm was around her shoulders.

     And that was the best sleep May ever had in years. And this time her dreams only showed scenes of her future.

     With Dan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! The story is almost finished and hopefully still interesting.   
> You know how they say its the brightest before dark? Or is it the other way around? Either way, take this in something else is coming your way!   
> And please do share your opinions!


	16. Chapter 16

     Life was at it’s finest moments for the two of them. May had moved in a month ago and they were spending any time they could with each other. Dan was helping her look for jobs while she was helping him come up with inspirations for new songs. They would cook together or for each other. Dan was able to impress May with his cooking skills and the way he can actually make a proper circle pancake. May was finally able to wear his shirts again and he was able to witness every moment with her. Dan was cloud nine and May was officially starting to get better. To be happier.

     After Dan had left May with the thought of him blaming her, May had completely lot herself in her emotions. In her negative emotions to be more correct. The only way she had ever let Thomas in her life was because she had started becoming negative and recessive. She had started becoming depressed. May never realized that it was a problem. But after she moved in Dan realized that there were little moments where May would fall into depression when he would leave for hours with no contact. She would cry, or be in the verge of crying. He would sometimes find her at the corner of the bed, quiet and alone. 

     He was worried.

     Dan knew that he was probably somewhat the reason for this behaviour. But he also knew that Thomas was also a part of this. How bad could have Thomas treated her for her to push towards this. But Dan didn’t dwell on the past. He knew this could better. So after seeing her go through these emotions on and off between two weeks he drove her to a doctor. And it was what he had suspected. 

     May was battling with depression. 

     The depression of Dan blaming her and leaving and the depression of trying to impress Thomas but failing. And so Dan took in on himself to always remind her about her antidepressants and keep his voice on vibrate so that every single time he’s out of the house, he knows when May would call. He also decided to call her every now and then to keep reassuring her that he’s still there and will be coming home. But he actually calls to reassure himself that she’s alright. Dan just wanted to shower her with love. And recently it was paying off. 

     “Hon, how are you pills coming along?” Dan said as he set the table with breakfast.

     “I’ve stopped talking them recently.”

     “How come?” May took the seat in from of Dan and started to cover the pancake with butter and syrup.

     “Well, I don’t feel as bad anymore. You know, I’m happy. I haven’t thought about them in a long while.”

     “Are you sure, M?”

     “I’m positive Daniel. I don’t need them if I’m not depressed right? And you’ve been making me happy enough for me to forget about any kind of sadness.

     “Positive?” May took a sip of her tea and nodded.

     “100%” Dan smiled at her and kissed her hair and sat in front of her. All he wanted was her to be happy. He wanted her to forget about depression, about Thomas, about those four years they spent separate. Dan wanted to be the reason of her happiness and he wanted to keep her happy. He wanted to help her do what she loves. Dan felt like his life was getting better and he wanted to do that for her as well. 

 ----------

     The break from the tour was almost over. Which went that the boys had to start getting ready again. They had to get more practice, doing more sound checks and all the while Dan had to keep writing songs. Everyday as Dan would leave the house, May promised him that everything is good. He bought her a new pack of antidepressants and May kept hem safely away in the medicine cabinet. And everyday as he would leave, he always remembered to tell her that he’ll come back. That they’ll be together and May is always on his mind. 

     As Dan had suggested to her, May had started working on a photography portfolio. She had to start somewhere. It may not be in the exact spot where she left from but she was doing something she loved. They had been only looking for spots open in filming but at least May take photos. And if she gets enough recognition then she could transition in film making. Then maybe she could transition into making those band videos. Which would mean that they would have to stay together a lot more. And Dan knew that they both needed that. 

     So everyday, as Dan would go meet up with the boys or go to the studio for writing inspirations, May would venture out with a camera in her hand looking for scenic views. She would have her music on and the music would be blasting in her ears. With Dan, even May felt that she was getting back to how she was before she brought Thomas in her life and blamed herself for her and Dan’s separation. And with Dan’s constant reassurance May knew things were going to be good. That she’ll always have Dan by her side. Dan never missed a chance to tell her that. The doctor had ordered him to tell her that. Considering how he was going to leave for two months, May needed to know, she needed to be reminded that they will never be separate. So Dan always kept her close to him. And kept sending her small messages through texts or through words so actions that nothing will come in-between them. 

     Dan even took her to the studio once in a while and the boys told her numerous stories that probably Dan would have wanted to keep secret but May couldn’t be happier with everything.

     She was cloud nine. 

     “So one more week?” May asked as Dan came to the bedroom and laid down on her lap.

     “I guess so.” He closed his eyes and she kept her hands on his hair.

     “How long is it?”

     “At least two months, I guess.”

     “What do you know for sure, Daniel.”

     “That I love it when you play with my hair.” May smiled down at him and Dan placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her down towards him. Her lips met his and just as fast Dan was on top of her and May’s hand was lost in Dan’s hair. His kisses trailed down towards her neck and his hand slowly starts to slip the sleeve of the shirt away from her shoulder. May’s hands traced up his back as she pulled up his shirt. May bit her lip as Dan’s kisses started tracing down. 

 

     The phone kept buzzing near Dan’s head. His arms were wrapped around May as her head was resting on his chest. There was another buzz. Why would any be bothering him now? Dan let out a loud groan and rolled towards the phone. He tried to move slowly and carefully as he could so May could stay asleep. His one hand was under May holding her and the other held his phone. The screen lit up and his eyes scrunched up. There were about two missed calls and one voicemail and one text message. 

     “Ughh, what do you what?” Dan mumbled to himself. His finger slid across the screen and ignored all the calls the and the voicemail. His thumb moved to the messages and tapped it. It was an old contact. A contact from all the way in America. The name  _Rose_  went bold on top and his kept squinting to read the message. 

     Dan’s eyes went wide open as the message finally processed. The words kept replaying in his head constantly over and over as he kept staring at it. His body completely sprang out of bed, not realizing he moved May over a bit. She grumbled in her sleep but the words kept getting bolder and bolder on the screen. And it wasn’t until the screen went dark that he realized how numb he had gotten. 

**Don’t freak out. But I might be pregnant.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how you were supposed to take in the happiness from the last chapter? You're gonna need it soon. Thank you for reading! Please do continue doing so!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning//death

“What do you mean ‘someone may be pregnant’?” May stared at Dan and he sighed. After Dan had jolted out of the bed, he had woken up May. And with the look Dan had on his face, she knew something was up. They had dressed up and May still couldn’t believe her ears. Some girl that Dan knew from the tour texted him stating that she’s pregnant. What kind of sick joke was this?

“Well she texted me. And also called me. She said the same thing.” Dan explained.

“What did she say on the call?”

“That she took a test recently and it looks like a positive sign.” May narrowed her eyes at him.

“Wait. What do you mean recently?”

“That’s what she said.”

“If I remember correctly, the last woman you slept with was months ago. Almost half a year ago right?” Dan started to stutter.

“Why…why would that matter?”

“Because, Daniel! If the last woman you slept with was half a year ago, can’t be pregnant with your kid. She’s just looking for your money and attention.”

“What do you mean?”

“Daniel, it doesn’t take half a year to get pregnant. The woman would have found out by now. Unless you had sex with her recently, only then it would make sense.” Dan looked away. Like he was doing some thinking in his head. There was something that Dan hid from May. He never thought it would be important to tell May. Because it was in the past. And now he almost wished that he had told her. “You didn’t have sex with her recently, right Dan?”

“Y-yeah. You’re right. She’s wrong.”

“Dan.”

“I…I have to tell you something.”

“I’m all ears.”

“There is a reason why I’m so worried. Because, after your call, when I found out about that you were with Thomas. And that ‘he may be the one’ I got angry. I got hurt. That after, four years, after that week you had just moved on like that. To that arse, even! I didn’t sleep with anyone before that. But that night, I went to a bar. Got a little drunk and -“

“And you picked up a girl.”

“It just sort of happened. And it continued. Unlike my other one night stands. It went on a bit longer.” May’s eyes stayed wide open and her stare was strong.

“How long?”

“Until, I left for London.” Her eyes shut and she turned away. “I wanted to tell you. But then I found out about your depression and I couldn’t make myself bring it up to tell you because I knew -“

“And it would hurt you. Right. Thank you very much Dan. How sweet of you.”

“May I know it looks bad but I know I used every kind of protection. She’s probably just looking for attention.”

“I don’t care about that! Obviously she’s looking for attention! She probably found out you’re a famous singer! Dan how could you! I know what I did was wrong but you also had a choice! But no, instead you had a friends with benefits relationship with her. Who else did you do that with? Who else did you actually date? What else did you not tell me?”

“May listen to me. It was nothing. Seriously. I just let my emotions get the best of me. Like you did.” That hit May like a rock. She did let her emotions get the best of her. So badly that she fell into depression. Dan was comparing his situation with that?!

“I…I didn’t mean that.” Dan said as he realized what he said.

“No of course not.” May nodded and turned away. She grabbed her purse and her bag.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“May -“

“DON’T! Don’t May me. I need time alone, so leave me alone. Don’t call me because I’ll end up throwing it across the room and I don’t have time to buy a new one. I need to be alone. Away from you.” May looked at him and walked away. And she walked out.

Dan had a week left to the start of his tour. And he couldn’t begin that week like this. He gripped his hair in his fist and threw his phone on the bed.

__________

May walked out of the house and walked to the street. Her eyes were starting to fill up and the view was starting to get blurry. Everything was crumbling. May was going to support Dan with that girl. She was going to give him a chance. But he lied. He hid things from her. May searched through her bag and arrived at her apartment. She still had her key for her place. She was planning on selling it but something in her told her to keep it.

She was right.

May entered the room and she threw her bag on the sofa and stormed into her bathroom. She turned on the shower and stood under the water. The sound of the water filled her ears and the drops of water hit her bare back. And the water became a part of her tears. May wiped her eyes and reached for the soap. She had no idea what she was doing, she was just going with her instinct.

The shower went on long. Most of the time she just stood there under the water, going over the entire conversation she had with Dan. But now, May stood in front of her counter waiting for the kettle to warm her water. The tea bag was resting in the glass and the house was full of the sound of the kettle. And it’s slow whistle. May’s face was quiet, her blinks were slow. She was trying to think of something else. She tried to clean up her house. May took out all the clothes from her closet and went through them. One by one. Shirt by shirt. She tried to keep her thoughts stuck on the thing at hand.

But the house was quiet.

It was too quiet.

The kettle’s whistle filled up the entire house and May used it to fill up her mug. She was in her most comfy clothes she could find. Her hair was in a very loose pony tail. The shoulders of her shirt was barely hanging on. Her sweats were so loose that it felt like she wasn’t wearing them. May mixed her tea and walked over to her sofa. It was quiet again. May held her mug in both her hands and snuggled up on the corner of the couch.

__________

Dan paced. He ran his finger through his hair. Nothing was coming to him. He wanted to run to her place and beg for forgiveness. But Dan knew that she wouldn’t forgive him. Not so fast. So he paced. Trying to come up with something. He was fine with May spending some time alone, away from him. He deserved that. But Dan just wished and hoped that May wouldn’t fall back into depression. He just hoped that she wouldn’t have to take any pills. And Dan knew that May was getting better because of him. Because he was constantly telling her that she wasn’t alone.

And now she was alone.

He stared at his phone. He had an urge to dial her number but she wouldn’t pick up. Nothing was making sense to Dan so he laid down on the sofa and covered his eyes with his arm. He should be stressing about his tour but all his thoughts are surrounded by May. He needed May to be good. He needed her to be healthy.

May sat in front of her TV. She had just turned it off and she was surrounded by the silence again. The night had settled in and she went from her computer to her TV to her kettle to her books to her bathroom again. There was nothing to do. Her mind was surrounded with Dan and how he couldn’t even tell her what he did. She wanted to talk to him but she couldn’t push herself to text or call him. She was supposed to spend time alone from him anyways. So why not start early?

Day 1

May stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess and her eyes looked so tired. Like she hadn’t gotten enough sleep. And it was true; she really hadn’t gotten enough sleep. She was thinking about Dan the entire time. She splashed water on her face and took in a deep breath. Time to get her shit together.

The smell of the egg and bread filed up the room and the kettle buzzed beside her. The radio stayed silent, the TV was quiet and the clock ticked away. May had pulled up the long sleeves of her shirt up to her hands and held them tightly in her fists. Her sweats hung from her waist and her hair stayed loose up in a bun. She took a spot at her table, and quietly munched on her breakfast. Her phone was away in her bedroom so all signs of Dan was completely away from her.

Dan stared at his phone. He was with the boys and he hadn’t told them anything yet. He knew it was good to give May some alone time. But at the same time he was oozing with so much stress that he couldn’t remember the words to Pompeii. Dan stretched, ran his fingers through his hair, fixed his shirt and paid attention to his music.

May had taken the box of pills with her when she left. And he just wanted to call her and ask about them, or about her. Or about them. But he knew he had to find something better than ‘I’m sorry’. He had crossed a line.

__________

May stared at her computer. She had just uploaded her recent pictures from her camera and the first one was Dan. And so was the next one. And then the next. They had started this plan for photography because Dan had told her to take pictures of what she loved, what she thought made her happy. He told her to build her portfolio with things that appealed to her. And there was Dan.

Everywhere.

She scrolled through the pictures and finally came up to pictures that were nature, or people or coffee or tea. Or anything other than Dan.

This was going to be long four months. May popped open her box of pills and swallowed one in a gulp.

**Day 2**

More editing. More photo scrolling. Another pill. What if she was actually pregnant?

**Day 3**

Another pill.

More last week tour preparations.

Time for lunch - another pill. According to the doctor that May had met when Dan took her, he had told her to take the pills during lunch time. He had told her to take one pill a day. But that was because during that time May’s depression was really serious. May was thinking that maybe her depression was starting to take over.

**Day 4**

Another two pills during lunch after the two pills during breakfast. The depression had started to take over. Why isn’t she feeling better? The pills are supposed to help! May was starting to blame herself. Maybe she shouldn’t have left the room like that. What if she’s overreacting? She needed to see Dan. But what if Dan doesn’t even want to see her anymore? What if Dan went back to America and stayed with that girl? What if she was actually pregnant? Shaking hands. Why isn’t he calling? Doesn’t he want to talk to her? What if she actually did overreact and that made him mad?

Dan stared at his phone. She won’t pick up. I’m an arse. She’s still mad at me. Of course she is. I would be mad at myself. Dan looked at her number. And at that moment, his phone lit up, buzzing in his hands demanding to be picked up. May’s name kept flashing at the screen and as Dan was about to click call, the screen went blank and the buzzing stopped. She ended the call.

**Day 5**

Dan where are you? You haven’t left already right? May stared at the pill bottle. She had been taking so many of them recently. She had doubled the recommended dose that the doctor had given her when her depression was diagnosed. But even doubling it wasn’t helping. She had to take more. Only then it would help. Right?

**Day 6**

One more day. The tour starts in one more day. Tomorrow. Tomorrow Dan and the boys are going to be driving over to the airport and they would fly to America and continue their tour. Dan wanted May to call back. He had called her back but May didn’t pick up. She has to give him a chance right? Maybe she’ll talk to him during the tour? And plus Dan will call her after he meets Rose and fixes everything with her. Then at least he’ll some excuse to talk to her and then she could listen. Maybe then her anger would lessen and she’d be willing to give him another chance. She would.

May held the pill bottle in hand the pills in the other. There were four pills in her hand. That’s more than the recommended amount the doctor had given her. The doctor probably didn’t realize how bad the depression would get. That’s why he had only assigned one pill a day. But now May, she had started taking more. And today she was taking four. For breakfast and then for lunch. Her breakfast was tea. Her lunch was tea. Her dinner would vary. Sometimes she’d have dinner, sometimes she wouldn’t.

Her head was starting to throb. Dan was leaving her. Why can’t she just call him? He’s not going to talk. She felt like the worst girlfriend. They had just gotten together and then she get mad again and storms out. It’s not fair to him. But May was alone. She needed reassurance. But there was no reassurance. The pictures on her phone were making it worse. Because those were from the past. May needed now. And the now was just filled with quiet, sounds of the clock, tears, tea and comfy clothes. Dan’s clothes.

She was completely consumed with her thoughts. She hadn’t gotten any sleep. Her eyes were tired. She had tried to cook food but she almost cut her finger. It was like she was starting to forget everything. Before May’s depression was all her thoughts. She was getting enough sleep, enough food but it was like she had become completely helpless. May needed Dan. But NO! She couldn’t call him.

She had her self-respect. She wouldn’t call him. And she wouldn’t pick his calls.

Time for another dose.

**Day 7**

Tour day. Airport day. Day to go back to America. Day for Dan to leave London and not see May’s face for months. Dan stared at his bed. He had slept there for a week. He had just worked the entire time and slept either on the computer or on the sofa or in the studio. He had kept his phone close with him the entire time. Maybe she would call again. Maybe he could try to explain his side more.

May had thrown the alarm clock across the room. It was making her mad. The ticking sound of the alarm was worse than the wall clack. The blinking lights were worse than the silence. May ran her fingers through her hair and her eyes filled with tears. Her phone had buzzed in her pocket. She had set a date on the calendar for the time and date for Dan’s tour.

There was about two more hours left. Dan’s leaving. He’s leaving me. He’s going back to that girl in America. She’s probably pregnant. He’s going to be a dad. Dan had always wanted to be a dad. Of course he wouldn’t leave this opportunity. Dan’s leaving.

Dan’s leaving. He’s leaving. Dan. He’s gone.

May’s mind had completely find with thoughts of Dan and the girl. The thoughts were haunting her. What if they actually had a better relationship? Dan hadn’t been with May for four years maybe his choices changed? How could they have not? May grabbed the bottle again. She poured out four pills and swallowed them.

She had already taken a dose a hour ago. And then her phone had buzzed. And then she had thrown her alarm clock. She was going crazy! Everything was about Dan and that girl. Of how he may hold her. Of how they could look into each other’s eyes. Of how he would kiss her. Of how she would ran her fingers through his hair. She needed more than four pills.

May opened the bottle again and tipped it close to her hand.

__________

Dan walked into the airport behind the boys. But he stopped walking half way.

“Dan?” Will called out to him as Dan turned his face towards the front doors.

“I can’t leave like this, not without saying bye to her.” Dan replied without looking back at them.

“Dan we can understand but we can’t stop the plane for that. Call her."

"No. No.” Dan turned towards them, “I can’t leave like this, Guys it’s going to eat me inside. May left the house. She was crying. I let her walk away. I can’t lose her again.”

“Dan -” Kyle started.

“You guys take this flight. I’ll go to her apartment and then I’ll take the next flight. I promise.”

“Are you sure?” Will asked. Will wanted him to fix his relationship with May. They all wanted him to fix his relationship. But Will knew that there was no way around it. Dan wouldn’t be able to perform like this.

“I’m sure. Massively sure.”

“But -” Woody started but Will interrupted.

"Fine. After you try knocking on her door, or trying to get her attention or talked to her. You take the next available flight. And before you leave you call us so when we land we know.“ Dan nodded the entire time.

"It’ll be done. I promise. I’ll be there.”

“Then go. We have a flight to catch.” Dan smiled and nodded and ran out. The boys gave him a smile and walked towards their flight.

__________

May’s body was shaking. There was a spasm in her body. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to yell for help. Her throat was choking up. The pills were supposed to help. What was happening? May stood by her bed, maybe if she tried sleeping it could get better. But May couldn’t even sit. Her eyes were tearing up. Where is Dan? She needed to throw up. But nothing was coming.

Dan ran towards the door and ruffled through his pockets. May had given him a key to her door. He took out his key chain and tried to find the right key with his shaking keys. Adrenaline was pumping through his body. He was going to surprise her. She was going to have to talk to him. He had to see her at least.

“M?” Dan called out. May’s face turned towards the voice but she kept coughing. Her eyes started teary. Dan. May’s body let loose and she lost her footing. Her knees buckled and she fell. Her eyes were finally closing. Dan walked around the room. Dan. Her eyes started blinking like they were trying to stay awake.

Daniel. Her thoughts called out to him and his feet finally appeared at the door. Dan’s eyes widened. May’s lips had a slight smile. Like she was happy that he appeared. Her blinks got slower. And finally they close.

She was finally asleep.

“MAY!” Dan ran towards her and a white foam started to appear on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We tried to make it longer, we hope the wait was worth it!  
> Let us know what you think; its almost to the end!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are!  
> I suggest you listen to "Oblivion" while you read.

 

  
_It was a long performance. It was also a huge wait. Dan was standing by the stage constantly tapping his foot. He was nervous but this was like one of those usual performances he had before. There was no need for him to this nervous. It’s just there are so many people and Dan wanted to pull out his hair._ Why are there so many people?! _Dan took in a deep breath and looked around. There was a breeze of cold air that entered the small venue and he turned to see what caused it._

_It was a bunch of girls. They were smiling, giggling a little bit. It was cute. And Dan didn't recognize any of them. Expect for one face. One face that highlighted itself in his memory. He had seen that face before._

_He had seen that girl during his other performances. He had seen her around school as well. Her eyes were wandering everywhere; as if she was trying to find someone or something. She walked up towards the schedule of the performances and Dan couldn’t see where she was looking but whatever she was looking at made her happy._

_She gave the paper a small smile and ventured back to her group. Dan couldn’t understand why was he was interested in her. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her the entire time. Wherever she walked, his eyes followed through. He was mesmerized by her. And it was like she was waiting for someone. She took a spot near the stage and kept her attention on her drink._ If she wasn’t interested on the performances why would she come? 

_Dan shook his head and tried to get his thoughts back on his music. What songs he was going to sing, how was he going to sing it? Does he remember the lyrics? Was he ready to face a crowd like that?_ Dan shut up. You’re fine. Calm your shit. You’ve done this before. 

      _He took a deep breath and walked on stage. His piano was on its stand, his mic was placed close and the eyes were staring at him. Dan placed his fingers on the keys and let out a sigh. He’s got this. His voice spoke into the mic and his fingers started to place a few notes. For the first half of the song, he kept his eyes low and only concentrated on the music. On the notes. On the keys of the piano. There was a lot of movement in the entire venue but Dan felt that as long as he keeps playing everything would be alright._

_And finally, Dan looked up from piano and towards the many eyes that were staring at him. People were interested in his music. They were paying attention to him._

_He’s got this._

_Dan got so much into his music. He was starting to enjoy the attention and he wanted to keep singing. His eyes kept wandering the entire place and they finally came to the closer tables. He slowly started to take in the faces at the table. People were either tapping their foot to his music or they tapping their fingers but they were completely indulged into his music._

_And then there was her. She had completely forgotten about her drinks; she wasn’t socializing with her friends. Instead she was staring at him. Like she was taking in every word he was singing. Like she was taking in every stroke of the key he was hitting. She was taking in every little of how he looked. Her eyes were planted on him. She was completely lost in him. And Dan caught her looking at him and she didn’t look away. Her eyes widened. Her mouth opened slightly._

_There was surprise in her eyes; like she couldn’t believe that he was looking at her. That he had actually taken the time to keep his eyes locked with her. Dan was lost in her eyes. And she was entirely lost in him. And he remembered why he was so fascinated by her when she walked in._

_He had seen her before. At his other performances and even during that time her face was in awe. Like now. He was intrigued by her. Because she seemed so spellbound with him. During his last performance he had wanted to approach her but he couldn’t find her. And now she was sitting right in front of him. Dan could feel his heart racing._

_He’s totally not got this. _

____________

_The performance ended and he got the much deserved cheers. He ran his fingers through his hair and gave them a shy smile. He had his eyes locked on her. He was going to talk to her today. But before that he had to get off the stage, get his stuff together and then approach her. He tried to be as fast as he possibly could. He stuffed his keyboard in it’s back, fixed himself up, combed through his hair with his fingers and ruffled through his clothes. He was definitely ready to impress._

_Her friends had mostly scattered around the venue so he took a deep breath and approached her._

_“Hey.” she looked up from her phone and turned her head towards the voice._

_“Oh! HI!” she cleared her throat, “hey there.” Dan gave her a small smile. She was just as nervous as him._

_“I’m Daniel."_ Already screwing up you idiot. ” _I mean Dan.“_

_"I like Daniel.” Dan smiled at her. Even he himself didn’t like Daniel as much. But the way she made it sound. He wanted her to say it more._

_“I’m May.”_

_“Like the month?” May felt herself smile. She had heard that so many times but from him it sounded genuine._

_“Yeah, just like that.”_

_“Would you like to have a drink with me? My throat is aching for something.”_

_“Oh yeah! Of course! I’d love to.” May smiled at him and he smiled back. Her eyes seemed to lit up to the thought of having drinks together. Dan was already in love with her eyes. He was already feeling himself get lost in those big blue eyes. May got off the seat and off they went towards the bar; hoping to start a new relationship._

_And they did._

____________

     Her eyes stared up at him. They seemed so lifeless; so colorless. There were no blinks. No movement. They just stared up at him. Like they always did when he was performing; her eyes were always lost in him. And now they were lost somewhere else. But they seemed soft like they were smiling. Like May’s eyes were happy with what they saw before they went numb.

     “May…” Dan’s voice cried, “babe.” Dan held her body in his hands as he knelled near her bed. Her head was in his hands and resting over top his lap. His eyes were full of tears and May’s body was limp. There was no life left. Dan’s ears were aching to hear his name. They were aching to hear the Daniel she loved to say. But she stayed there. She was numb.

     “Please wake up. Please. Open your eyes, M.” His voice begged. Dan held her tight and kissed her forehead.

     And then her cheek. Then the other.

     He kissed her nose and then at her temples.

     Then he kissed her lips. Like the kiss to revive Sleeping Beauty; to awaken her from her sleep.

     But nothing.

     He kissed her forehead again, and then her cheeks and her chin but still no movement. No annoyed face to pull him away. Just stillness.

    “God, no. May. Please...” his voice lingered, May stayed quiet and the tears from Dan’s eyes trailed down on his cheek. Everything was quiet. There was no ticking of the clock, no passing cars at the window. Just complete silence. 

    And Dan’s muffled cries. 

    May laid in his arms and he couldn’t do anything. Dan wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her into a hug. He needed her to come back. He needed her to forgive him. Dan needed her to smile and kiss him back. He needed her to hold him back.

    But nothing. 

    Just numb and silence. 

_"Are you going to age with grace…“ May hummed along the final few lyrics as she cooked dinner._

_"Are you going to leave without a trace?” May had a small smile on her face. It was her favorite. She loved Dan’s voice in the entire voice. It was calming and peaceful. She loved all his songs but_ Oblivion _made her feel something. Something different; it was a good something. May remembered when she first heard this song._

_She had cried._

_And sometimes she still cries while listening to it but they’re always good tears; happy tears. Dan always jokes about how he hit the notes and kept the song so peaceful but no matter what; May loved the feelings in the song. And the feelings the song made her feel._

_“When oh oblivion is calling out you name, you, always take it further than I ever can…”  
_

_“Listening to it again?” Dan walked into the kitchen as the song slowly ended._

_“Yep!”_

_“You know how weird it is to hear my own voice on the speakers?” May just waved her hand at him._

_“Oh shush. I love it. I love this song you know it.”_

_“I know you love it. But love, why?” Dan came up close to May as he kissed her forehead._

_“You know; I don’t know why. I don’t have any definite answer. But I know that it makes me happy. It keeps me calm and makes me happy. Everything seems better. If you know what I mean.” she looked at Dan. He had a soft smile on his face and his eyes were locked on her. She looked so happy talking about the song. It made him happy about his music. She was in love with the song. She was listening to it during her depression and he felt that it was actually helping her._

_“What?”_

_“Nothing, you just seem really happy.”_

_“I am. It makes me happy.”_  

  
_“_ When you…” Dan gulped his tears back and crossed his legs on the floor and put May’s head on his lap, “fall asleep with your head…on my shoulder.” The tears kept falling. He knew he was already getting words wrong but he didn’t correct himself. May was supposed to do that.

    “When you’re in my arms…” he sniffed back his tears, “but you’re gone somewhere…deeper.” May kept silent. Dan put his hand on her eyes and closed her eye lids. 

    “Are you going to age…with grace? Are you going to age without mis-mistakes?” She was supposed to be mouthing the words. She was supposed to be breaking and singing along with him. May was supposed to know the lyrics better than him.

    There were tears. And then more tears. Dan wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and kept staring at May. She looked so quiet. So still. Dan needed her to wake up, he wanted her to be mad at him. 

    “When o-" Dan sniffed back tears, "oblivion is calling out your name,” Dan continued after missing lyrics. Dan needed May to at peace. But he needed her to get up and tell him that all of this was a joke. That his voice sounded like crap while crying. She is supposed to get up and tell him that he missed a few lines. 

    But nothing.

    “You always take it…further. Than I can.” Another missed word. Why won’t May correct him?

    “When you play it hard, and -” Dan let out a sob. But he quickly sniffed back and wiped his eyes, “and I try to follow you there.” His voice was shaking. It didn’t hold any power or strength. It was breaking. But he went on.

    “It’s not about control but I turn back when I see where you go.” More sniffs.  _May wake up._

    “Are you going to age…age wi-with,” he took a gulp, “with grace?”

    “Are you going to…” Dan stared at her. And May kept laying there on his lap. Lifeless. Quiet. Peaceful. Away from him. He didn’t want to continue. He couldn’t continue. Dan needed May to continue the song. 

    But she wouldn’t. 

    “Are you going to leave…a path to trace?” His voice was slowly becoming a whisper. His voice kept trying to choke out the last few verses of the song. His throat was almost cursing at him. To stop singing. To just cry. But he continued til the end.

    “You always…always take it…always take it,” Dan took in a deep breath but his voice stayed at a whisper, “you always take it further…than I ever can.” She didn’t wake up. She didn’t blink. 

    But Dan knew she was at peace. Even though he wasn’t but she was. His tears kept flowing and trailed down his cheeks. His sniffed and slowly leaned down and kissed her forehead. It was a long kiss. A long forehead kiss. It was like he didn’t want to let go; like if he kept his lips against her forehead he’d wake up.

    But she never woke up. She was gone. His love, his life, his true love was gone so far away from him.

    Dan’s life had changed because of May. She had become his reason to sing and write and perform. She had pushed him to pursue his dreams and forced him to become the person he became. And Dan would keep that memory alive. He will continue doing what he loves.

    For May. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is one more chapter, more of an epilogue, coming. But this is it. Thank you so much for reading. We both appreciate it and currently still learning how to work around this website.  
> As usual, we would love to hear what you think about the story and how we can improve!


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a ride.

    The funeral was long. It was sad. It was quiet. Everyone was there and none of them knew the reason behind why they ended up there. Everyone had wanted a wedding first; they wanted to see May in a wedding dress. Yet they were all dressed in black and trying not to cry. May’s parents were there. They were quiet. Her mom’s eyes were red, her dad looked broken and there was the deafening silence.  

    Dan doesn’t even remember how he called them. They weren’t even introduced to each other yet.  He didn’t know what to say or how to say it. When he told her mom, all he could hear was the silence. When her dad heard, he had disconnected the call. Yet they came and at the airport it was like that he wanted to punch Dan in the face. But as he gotten closer, her dad almost fell in his arms and cried his eyes out. Dan could feel their pain. He didn’t know how he got the courage to call the guys. And when he did, they were on the first flight back.   
    And now they were a week behind their schedule.   
    He felt terrible. There were people waiting for them but Dan couldn’t even feel the voice in him to hit any notes. They rescheduled their gigs, their interviews and just concentrated on the funeral. The boys tried to talk to Dan. They tried to tell him that she was a in a happy place and she’s watching over him but he wouldn’t listen. It was like there was curtain of loneliness and ache all over him.   
    And when the funeral came, he didn’t speak. He sat with the boys quiet. Her parents talked. Annie talked. Vince talked. But he listened. He listened of how May had influenced so many lives. How she had brought some sort of happiness or excitement in their lives. Even though it was a small funeral, Dan was happy to see the people close to her to take their time to see her. To cry for her.   
    Dan does remember a few things from the funeral. He remembers looking at her in her casket. How peaceful she looked. Like all the tension and stress and fear and pain had washed away. He remembers putting a sunflower in her hands while everyone else had put a rose. She had told him she loved sunflowers. They were so yellow, they reminded her of the sun and of brightness. Because people need light and brightness in their lives and she was his light. Dan remembers holding her hand while she lay in the casket. He had gone up to her last so he had the most time with her. He held her hand and stroked her hair and didn’t cry.  
    He didn’t cry the entire time. Like he was numb. There were no tears coming. Like he had used them all when he found her.   
    Everyone else cried though. Will cried, Woody cried, Kyle cried, her friends cried and her parents too. But Dan didn’t. He didn’t cry when they took her to the graveyard; when they sat in the car for the drive towards the graveyard; he didn’t cry when they buried her. And he didn’t cry when May’s dad squeezed his shoulder or when everyone left.   
    But he cried when he was alone.   
    He visited her everyday before the date to re-start their tour. Everyday he came and sat crossed-legged in front of her grave stone. He always brought sunflowers with himself. And as he sat there, he didn’t say anything. He just cried. Like it would bring her back. And he did it for hours. And the ache, the loneliness in his heart kept building up.

____________

    Today was the last day here. In London. Tomorrow he was supposed to be leaving for America. So Dan came again. With more sunflowers. He sat down and looked at the gravestone.

    “Hey, May.” He finally spoke. He finally said something to her; rather than sitting there and crying.

    “I leave tomorrow; we had to start our tour soon. The boys keep telling me that if I’m not ready I shouldn’t go. But I can’t. Like you told me before; people are depending on us. They spent money on us and these are the people that made us who we are now. I can’t leave them.” Dan went quiet.

    “I can’t…right?” he questioned her. Like she was listening, “do you want me to go? I can say that all that crying ruined my vocals.”

    He shook his head.

    “No. I can’t. But you’ll be there right? I know you will be. You’ll be watching. Every performance and song will be for you, M. Every song will be dedicated for you. I even changed up the song list a little and made Oblivion the most played song at the gigs. I know everyone loves Pompeii but this tour is for you.” Dan stared at the grave stone and let out a small smile.

    “I love you, May. I wanted to end everything after I saw you in that state. But I’m such a massive idiot. You’d want me to live and continue singing. You’d want me to live my dream. And I will.” Dan ran his fingers through his hair, “I’ll live for you and make you proud and love you like I always have.” Dan felt like there was this huge load that came off his shoulders. Like the dull ache was slowly coming off. 

    But Dan sat there. The day had slowly started to change colours. The wind was starting to pick up. He was talking to her. There were no tears anymore. Just reminiscing or talking about his tour and what he had planned. May was listening. And he felt like everything was getting better. Finally, Dan’s eyes caught the time and they almost bulged out.

    “Ah shit! I should go! The boys will probably be waiting for me. We have to make some final changes today and we can leave tomorrow. I should get going.” He got and ruffled through his clothes to take all the dirt, “sorry love. I’ll be back after the tour with more sunflowers. You better be waiting for me!” He felt himself when he said that.  _What the_  hell,  _Daniel. You’re such an idiot._ His mind said to him. Probably what she would have said too. Dan let out a little laugh and ruffled his hair.

    “I love you, May.” Dan said and after giving her one last look he made his way out. Everything felt so much better. Like there was peace in his heart, like he got his closure.

    It was tour time. Time to make May proud. 

    Dan called Rose when they landed. He didn’t know why he didn’t do it before. It was a quiet chat. He just wanted answers yet she wouldn’t touch on that subject. Dan knew that May was right; of course she wasn’t pregnant. But he had to make sure. So after he called her, he went over to meet her. She had a smile plastered on her face and she welcomed him with a hug.

     “Daniel, you actually came!” Rose hugged him. Dan pulled away and gave her a look.

     “It’s Dan.” She gave him a smile and nodded.

     “Right right. Thank you for coming.”

     “Are you pregnant, Rose?”

     “Dan, I just…I wanted to see you again.”

     “Rose. Are you pregnant?” She said quiet. Dan’s eyes narrowed and he stared at her. But she kept quiet. “ROSE!”

     “No! No I’m not!” Rose quickly replied and Dan felt all the anger build up in his throat.

     “Of course you’re not! How did you even  **dare**  to use that against me? You wanted to see me and you tell me you’re pregnant?! Rose, your stupid claim did SO much you have no idea!”

     “I’m sorry, Dan! But I wanted you to come back. I would have come there but I knew you were coming back and I thought that maybe you forgot me.” Rose quickly tried to voice all her reasons but Dan wasn’t hearing any of it.

     “Do you have any idea what I had to go through?! Cause of your excuse to see me! You could have simply said you wanted to see me when I land and I would have come but no.”

     “Dan I can explain.”

     “It’s done, Rose. I don’t need anymore explaining, you don’t need to waste your breath. Just stop. It’s over.”

     “Dan -“

     “I won’t be seeing you any longer. Please forget my number.” With that, Dan nodded at her and walked away. Before he turned away, he saw a few tears forming on her eyes but he had gotten to the point where he didn’t care. Dan knew he couldn’t just blame Rose. But he couldn’t not blame her either. So he decided to just take her out of his life completely and forget about the bad and move on. That’s what May would have wanted him to do. 

____________

    The screams were almost louder than his voice, fans were waving their arms in the air and singing along with him. There was music blaring through different speakers, drums were beating behind him, the piano keys were playing, the bass was following the music and the lights were blasting from different directions. Dan was screaming the lyrics into the mic, jumping on his toes and sweating like crazy. 

    He had been waiting for this so much that he didn’t realize how much he needed it. It was almost magical. This is where he belongs. With these fans and the boys behind him. Before he had started the performance he had taken a second for May. To take in her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes. Her support. He just wanted to remember May. Because this tour was for her. It was dedicated to her. 

    May had only been at one performance. And it was an emotional performance for her, to see her Daniel sing and dance and follow her dream that she wasn’t able to jump and scream out the lyrics with him. Dan just wished that May could have seen him more. That she could have seen him tour cities with her, try coffee with him, get drunk with him on tours. But Dan didn’t dwell on the past. He took a deep breath and sang and lived the performance. 

    “You guys know  _Oblivion_  right?” Dan spoke into the mic. He got an answer in screams which he took for a yes. The other boys gave themselves a small smile. They knew why he was bringing it up. They wanted him to do it.

    “Well, this tour we’ve decided to sing it more. Not to ruin the mood,” he gave a small laugh, “because change is good. Right?” Everyone screamed and Dan gave them a smile. They were excited, and they didn’t even know why. He looked towards the boys and they flashed their smiles at him.

    He was going to sing for May. Even though the entire tour was for her,  _Oblivion_  was going to be her moment. Where he would try his best to not cry and remember every little detail about her. He took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and sang the first few words. And the piano followed close. 

      _ **When you fall asleep with your head upon my shoulder.**_

His eyes were still closed. But they were filled with May. When they were trying to cook together.

      _ **When you’re in my arms but you’ve gone somewhere deeper.**_

The image of May’s lifeless body played in his mind. Of how she laid so fragile on his lap and her eyes shut closed. He remembered how she had a small smile on her lips before she had breathed her last breath. How her eyes looked right at him and they had pain and grief but also happiness embedded in them. 

      _ **Are you going to age with grace? Are you going to age without mistakes?**_

They had danced in the rain. They were so drunk and Dan’s hair was flopping everywhere and May’s hair was starting to stick out. But she had still looked so beautiful. They waltzed in the air. They jumped around everywhere like Dan does now during  _Pompeii._ They had kissed under the rain. It was soft kiss. A kiss that he still remembers today. And then May had fallen in his arms, passed out completely asleep.

      _ **Are you going to age with grace, Or only to wake and hide your face?**_

It was Sunday morning and May had slept in. She almost never did that. She’d always be the one awake first. And cooking his favorite breakfast. But today she was sleeping beside Dan, her eyes tightly closed. Dan remembered waking her up by showering her with kisses. He knew that she hated that, because ‘Ew, morning breath’. 

      _ **When oblivion is calling out your name, You always take it further than I ever can.**_

     When he asked her out. After that performance. They had met so many times. They had laughed about so many useless things, she had giggled and he was mesmerized by her eyes. They were where Dan would also lose himself. He’d just want to keep staring at her. And then she would blush and look down and try to pull her hair strand behind her ear. When he asked her out, her eyes; oh they got so big.

    And then, when he last saw her. Her eyes were so tired. So lifeless -

    Dan opened his eyes and took her that thought out his head. He only wanted to remember her eyes as bright and full of life. 

    A tear almost snuck out of his eye but before it could roll down his cheek he wiped it off and continued singing. The crowd was quieter but also singing. His eyes wandered to the different faces. His eyes scanned the furthest they could look first. And then slowly they moved to the faces closer and closer to the stage. They faces looked happy, like they were enjoying. 

    And then there was May.

    Wait no. May? 

    Dan’s eyes rushed back to the face.

    Yeah. It wasn’t May. But - 

    Dan stared at her. It was a fan. She was closer to the stage. She wasn’t signing, she wasn’t sad, she wasn’t crying. She was just watching him. Her eyes were in awe like she was taking in every little detail of him. Her eyes were wide open and completely lost in him. She seemed so fascinated. When she caught him looking at him, she didn’t look away. She softened her look and smiled at him. Like she was encouraging him to keep singing. She didn’t wave at him to keep his attention on her. Instead she stood her ground and enjoyed the voice blasting from the speakers. 

    She had such a peaceful smile. It was calming. Dan wasn’t feeling anymore tears building up in his throat. He was calm, happy, finally starting to enjoy the song.

    The gig went on. It stayed loud. It was good. But Dan’s attention was on the girl. And she knew his attention on her. She made sure that when he would look at her, she’d smile at him. And that smile was doing things to him. Good things. Like that smile was what he was looking for. 

    At times, she wouldn’t catch him looking at her and he saw her screaming the lyrics, jump at the beat, try to copy him when he’d sing longer words or she’d try to copy his dancing with her friends. Everything seemed like so much fun with her. But she kept reminding him of May. Like May had come back and was telling him to move on. To find someone else. 

    And he needed to know that girl’s name.

____________

    The performance ended and as the crowd was starting to pile out the doors, Dan came out from backstage and ran towards the girl. She was closer to the stage so it would have taken her forever to get out. Her eyes were on the phone like she was consumed by what was in front of her eyes.     

    Dan took a deep breath again and walked over to her. He was acting like a teenager. He ran his fingers through his hair.

    “Excuse me.” He said. His voice was tired from the singing it was evident. She turned around.

    “Hmm?” Her eyes widened in shock when she saw him. Like she had forgotten how to breath. Even her friends were in shock. 

    “Hi, I’m -”

    “I know. Daniel Smith.”  _What did she say?_  She ran her fingers through her hair and cleared her throat. She was so nervous. Dan toned down his shock and gave her a small smile. “Wait. No no, it’s Dan -”

    “No it definitely is Daniel.” Dan kept smiling at her. And finally she calmed down. She took a deep breath and smiled at him.  _God her smile is perfect. And her eyes…what am I supposed to stare at?!_ Dan cleared his throat.

    “And you are?”

    “Oh! Sorry. I’m…I’m Melanie.” Dan’s eyes widened again.

    “Excuse me?”

    “Melanie…my name.” Melanie almost looked nervous. Dan looked at her in shock.  _She can’t be serious._  

     _“Wait so you were_ supposed _to be called Melanie?” Dan looked at her as they sat in front of each other munching on their food. It was their first date. And neither of them wanted it to be awkward and it shouldn’t be. They were friends now. But they still didn’t know everything about each other. Apparently._

_“Yeah! My parents loved the name Melanie. but my grandparents had loved the name May.”_

_“Why?”_

_“When my mom was born, they wanted to name her May. But my grandpa's parents were all 'you shouldn't name your child after a month' so they passed that name to me.” Dan smiled at her. “What?”_

_“I like it.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“The back story. It makes your name so much more special.”_

_“You think?”_

_“Yeah! My name is just…they picked it out from a baby names book. Your’s has meaning.” May blushed a little and took a bite of her food._

_“So what do you like more?”_

_“May or Melanie? Well one is a month and the other sounds like a fruit.” May’s glared at him and Dan laughed, “I love both!”_

____________

    Dan smiled at Melanie.  _May, what is happening?_  Melanie smiled back at him. Things seemed to fall into place. It seemed so perfect.

    “Well, Melanie would you like to grab a drink?” Again, her eyes almost jumped out.

    “Wh-what?”

    “A drink? Would you like have one with me? Or a cup of coffee?” Her friends giggled behind her and her cheeks were starting to get red.

    “You don’t have to -”

    “NO!” she cleared her throat, “I’d love to.” Dan kept his smile on his lips and he ran his fingers through his hair. She turned towards her friends and they squealed at her and left. She held onto her bag and ruffled her clothes and fixed her hair. Finally, she turned back to a smiling Dan. 

    Suddenly, it was just them. The venue had cleared out and all that was left was them. And their unknown future together. 

    Things were already starting to look up. Dan thought that everything was ending for him. Instead, everything had just begun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! We really hope that you enjoyed it as much we loved writing it. There were definitely a few tears in between but hopefully worth it. We'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. We'll come back with a new story soon!  
> Till then, thank you and see you soon!


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